Though things have calmed down for me in the months after the worst days of my wish to not exist anymore, I still haven't found happiness. I float on a sea of perpetually mundane neutrality, with one or the other awful day springing up between now and them… until recently. Things have taken a turn for the worse, and I'm unable to ascertain how exactly I'm supposed to deal with all of this now.
Memories of my ex haunt me once again, both in my dreams and waking hours. I feel like going crazy trying to mentally swath them away without success, and it feels moreso that I just wish to have an end to it. It doesn't stop, it continues and returns worse, where's the point? And all the while, the days of my life and the days of my youth are moving past me.
Genuinely, I wanted and want to get better. But when my friends tell me to have patience, to just wait and see, I slowly can't stand it anymore. I've been waiting two years for things to get better, without much success. I'm lacking the energy - and sometimes, I feel like, even any will - to keep going. I've nothing I want to live for. And I don't know what to do.
Thanks for reading through my vent, I suppose.
Memories of my ex haunt me once again, both in my dreams and waking hours. I feel like going crazy trying to mentally swath them away without success, and it feels moreso that I just wish to have an end to it. It doesn't stop, it continues and returns worse, where's the point? And all the while, the days of my life and the days of my youth are moving past me.
Genuinely, I wanted and want to get better. But when my friends tell me to have patience, to just wait and see, I slowly can't stand it anymore. I've been waiting two years for things to get better, without much success. I'm lacking the energy - and sometimes, I feel like, even any will - to keep going. I've nothing I want to live for. And I don't know what to do.
Thanks for reading through my vent, I suppose.
