honestly, it sometimes really feels like I'm better off dead. I know that I'm luckier than most to be living in such a comfortable environment, and at this moment, I don't really have much to worry about.
However, sometimes it feels like I am disturbing everyone else's peace, like I have the imposter's syndrome - but I am actually the imposter. I'm not going to reveal my hobby because it's quite niche, but it's like joining a basketball team late while everyone else on the team already knows each other for years, and you're the weakest member - you're only there because they're short of players. Failing sucks, but failing when you know you could have performed better is worse.
Right now, I feel fine most of the time, although there are some days when I just really, really want to end it all before I let everyone down. I already have, but I just don't want to see the day I get kicked out the team because they found another player to sub me. When that day comes, how can I call "basketball" my hobby anymore?
However, sometimes it feels like I am disturbing everyone else's peace, like I have the imposter's syndrome - but I am actually the imposter. I'm not going to reveal my hobby because it's quite niche, but it's like joining a basketball team late while everyone else on the team already knows each other for years, and you're the weakest member - you're only there because they're short of players. Failing sucks, but failing when you know you could have performed better is worse.
Right now, I feel fine most of the time, although there are some days when I just really, really want to end it all before I let everyone down. I already have, but I just don't want to see the day I get kicked out the team because they found another player to sub me. When that day comes, how can I call "basketball" my hobby anymore?
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