Broken

[woofwag]

Had fun day yesterday. Got drunk with friends, slept over, good times. Gave myself a wicked hangover and now I'm recounting all the ways I'm a horrible person and deserve to die. I get this new job and fun times and loving people and I can't appreciate any of it because I'm evil and miserable, I guess.

I need this to be over already. Everything hurts. I know I'll never make anything worthwhile of myself or be happy so I don't see the point in trying to force some magical change in my life to happen when clearly it is never going to.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Have you started the new job? Are you nervous about it? I tend to find I become ungrateful and even resentful about things when I fear them. I don't think you should hate yourself for feeling negative emotions though. It just kind of is what it is. We can't feel joyous and grateful 24/7.

 

[kitkatt]

Had fun day yesterday. Got drunk with friends, slept over, good times. Gave myself a wicked hangover and now I'm recounting all the ways I'm a horrible person and deserve to die. I get this new job and fun times and loving people and I can't appreciate any of it because I'm evil and miserable, I guess.

I need this to be over already. Everything hurts. I know I'll never make anything worthwhile of myself or be happy so I don't see the point in trying to force some magical change in my life to happen when clearly it is never going to.

Sorry pal I hope it's just wicked hangover griping ya extra hard. I feel you though went thrifting last Monday with a good friend and I'm still here self loathing ready to end it this year because it won't get better.

 

[woofwag]

Have you started the new job? Are you nervous about it? I tend to find I become ungrateful and even resentful about things when I fear them. I don't think you should hate yourself for feeling negative emotions though. It just kind of is what it is. We can't feel joyous and grateful 24/7.

Technically I start shadowing next week, although I did the orientation a few days ago. Phew it was brutal. It was 8 1/2 hours (technically 8 if you exclude lunch) and I was seriously struggling to get through it. Sitting down and having all that info thrown at me was torturous. The actual job will be more hands-on, but also I'm disabled so that might be just as bad lol.

Sorry pal I hope it's just wicked hangover griping ya extra hard. I feel you though went thrifting last Monday with a good friend and I'm still here self loathing ready to end it this year because it won't get better.

I'm sure the hangover didn't help yeah, especially because I was supposed to go to an event today but felt too awful and exhausted. But regardless of what I do these days I'm miserable. It really doesn't get better

 

[kitkatt]

Technically I start shadowing next week, although I did the orientation a few days ago. Phew it was brutal. It was 8 1/2 hours (technically 8 if you exclude lunch) and I was seriously struggling to get through it. Sitting down and having all that info thrown at me was torturous. The actual job will be more hands-on, but also I'm disabled so that might be just as bad lol.


I'm sure the hangover didn't help yeah, especially because I was supposed to go to an event today but felt too awful and exhausted. But regardless of what I do these days I'm miserable. It really doesn't get better

Hangovers are the worst a gentle electrolyte drink can help with them. Also listen to your body put yourself first over exerted ourselves is a slippery slope. Can't say it gets better and I know believe in people don't really mean shit. But I believe in you creature pal even if you do a bad job nothing at all. Hope you can get some sleep and not feel hungover anymore at least

 

[pumpkinboy]

Had fun day yesterday. Got drunk with friends, slept over, good times. Gave myself a wicked hangover and now I'm recounting all the ways I'm a horrible person and deserve to die. I get this new job and fun times and loving people and I can't appreciate any of it because I'm evil and miserable, I guess.

I need this to be over already. Everything hurts. I know I'll never make anything worthwhile of myself or be happy so I don't see the point in trying to force some magical change in my life to happen when clearly it is never going to.

Why run away? You need to stand your ground and accept what's happened and try to be a good person

You can't get through life without hurting if you can apologise, apologise. I want you to start saying to yourself everyday "i am beautiful, i am loved and i am perfect" you need to accept yourself

 

[woofwag]

Why run away? You need to stand your ground and accept what's happened and try to be a good person

You can't get through life without hurting if you can apologise, apologise. I want you to start saying to yourself everyday "i am beautiful, i am loved and i am perfect" you need to accept yourself

Huh? I don't understand what you mean, I'm not running away from anything. Is me pushing myself through all of this shit not the literal opposite of running away? I'm allowed to feel miserable and hate it. Obviously I'm going to hate being in all of this pain.

Lol uh… no. I will not be doing that. I'm understand no obligation to accept myself or tell myself that I'm beautiful and perfect. Idk how you can begin to imagine that I'm capable of such a thing when I am hurting this much. I can't even sit in silence anymore because I become so overwhelmed with my miserable thoughts that I end up nearly killing myself.

Believe me when I say I've been down that path of self-love and self-acceptance and it's lasted maybe two months tops before I get exhausted, have some other horrible thing happen to me, or both. If a whole team of trained professionals trying to help me for years couldn't make a dent in my suicidal thoughts, than repeating some hollow mantra in the midst of one of the lowest points in my life certainly won't.

 

[pumpkinboy]

Huh? I don't understand what you mean, I'm not running away from anything. Is me pushing myself through all of this shit not the literal opposite of running away? I'm allowed to feel miserable and hate it. Obviously I'm going to hate being in all of this pain.

Lol uh… no. I will not be doing that. I'm understand no obligation to accept myself or tell myself that I'm beautiful and perfect. Idk how you can begin to imagine that I'm capable of such a thing when I am hurting this much. I can't even sit in silence anymore because I become so overwhelmed with my miserable thoughts that I end up nearly killing myself.

Believe me when I say I've been down that path of self-love and self-acceptance and it's lasted maybe two months tops before I get exhausted, have some other horrible thing happen to me, or both. If a whole team of trained professionals trying to help me for years couldn't make a dent in my suicidal thoughts, than repeating some hollow mantra in the midst of one of the lowest points in my life certainly won't.

I'm just trying to help

 

[woofwag]

I'm just trying to help

And I'm just trying to explain why it's not helpful. You were being very demanding and insensitive to what I've been trying to convey in my post. I think you'll find most people here don't appreciate that sort of response.

Hangovers are the worst a gentle electrolyte drink can help with them. Also listen to your body put yourself first over exerted ourselves is a slippery slope. Can't say it gets better and I know believe in people don't really mean shit. But I believe in you creature pal even if you do a bad job nothing at all. Hope you can get some sleep and not feel hungover anymore at least

Yeah thank you some sleep and electrolytes helped a bit, at the very least it helped me not feel so sick. I also have a date in like... 10 minutes lol. More anxious than anything else, but at least it got me to clean my room a little bit. I have a feeling my breakdown will return at the end of this day. It always does. Hey, you never know, maybe I'll end up trauma dumping to my date and she'll never see me again and be disgusted by me.

 

[pumpkinboy]

And I'm just trying to explain why it's not helpful. You were being very demanding and insensitive to what I've been trying to convey in my post. I think you'll find most people here don't appreciate that sort of response.


Yeah thank you some sleep and electrolytes helped a bit, at the very least it helped me not feel so sick. I also have a date in like... 10 minutes lol. More anxious than anything else, but at least it got me to clean my room a little bit. I have a feeling my breakdown will return at the end of this day. It always does. Hey, you never know, maybe I'll end up trauma dumping to my date and she'll never see me again and be disgusted by me.

I'm trying my best

 

[kitkatt]

And I'm just trying to explain why it's not helpful. You were being very demanding and insensitive to what I've been trying to convey in my post. I think you'll find most people here don't appreciate that sort of response.


Yeah thank you some sleep and electrolytes helped a bit, at the very least it helped me not feel so sick. I also have a date in like... 10 minutes lol. More anxious than anything else, but at least it got me to clean my room a little bit. I have a feeling my breakdown will return at the end of this day. It always does. Hey, you never know, maybe I'll end up trauma dumping to my date and she'll never see me again and be disgusted by me.

Of course:3 glad it helped a bit! Oh gosh dates cause me so much anxiety even though I want to go so I understand. But if you do breakdown at the end of today at least it be in your space and it'll be more picked up and it'll be a little less to worry about hopefully. Also I'm queen of the trauma dump it seems. Went on a date this week and of course my whole life's trauma so when they ask I feel as if I can't lie and I word vomit and just want to run away ;(