Venting Breakup because of jokes

[struggles_inc]

I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2,5 years because he started constantly making offensive jokes around me.
He would make sexist remarks and laugh. He made me cry once, but it didn't stop him from making more jokes. He started really pushing my boundaries with the jokes, something sending me "mischievous messages" about things that are clearly triggering to me.

Talked to him twice. He was defensive, even aggressive at first, then apologetic later. It didn't help.

I'm currently considering breakup.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

If your able to consider it do it,, because it's not worth your loosing your self respect,,, I'm guess you het to hear about all the ways your turned into a tool Women are turned into metaphors for cars, boats, tools, weapons, anything a man can "own," "ride," "fix," or "use" it's sad,, and I know not all just everyone I bump into irl it seems like,, obviously not the people I make eye contact with on the street but I mean people ones spent enough time around to heat them joke,, my partner is the same,, I'm sorry it's like that for you,,, the other day I hovered over cable girls on Netflix and my partner said "oh when women ruined the tax loophole for men because women wanted to work"

 

[struggles_inc]

If your able to consider it do it,, because it's not worth your loosing your self respect,,, I'm guess you het to hear about all the ways your turned into a tool Women are turned into metaphors for cars, boats, tools, weapons, anything a man can "own," "ride," "fix," or "use" it's sad,, and I know not all just everyone I bump into irl it seems like,, obviously not the people I make eye contact with on the street but I mean people ones spent enough time around to heat them joke,, my partner is the same,, I'm sorry it's like that for you,,, the other day I hovered over cable girls on Netflix and my partner said "oh when women ruined the tax loophole for men because women wanted to work"

I really don't get how being inconsiderate of their partner and still claiming to love them is consistent in their heads.
When I talked to my bf about his jokes, his reaction — and this is a direct quote — was "so you're doubting our relationship because of what I did?" like yeah, yes I am.

 

[astr4]

joke is only a joke when everyone laughs otherwise it's just cruelty. this is not someone who respects you if he's so willing to disregard your concerns. they aren't jokes they're reflections of what he really thinks. and he's testing the waters to see where your boundaries are and what you'll let him get away with. it'll only escalate from here.

 

[struggles_inc]

joke is only a joke when everyone laughs otherwise it's just cruelty. this is not someone who respects you if he's so willing to disregard your concerns. they aren't jokes they're reflections of what he really thinks. and he's testing the waters to see where your boundaries are and what you'll let him get away with. it'll only escalate from here.

Yeah, it does feel like he's probing something. I agree.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

And random thing but about the whole tax loophole just because women wanted to work and have a little more equality are governments decided to fuck us over by one now a days needing to work more then one job or have another person brining In income,, feminism isn't what's at fault, sorry just need make sure that got out there because that's the excuse for so many people,, just blaming the women and not the system.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It sounds deeply troubling to me. Worst that he got defensive/ agressive about being challenged. My Dad can be clumsy sometimes. But, if I explain to him why something is offensive and I seem upset about it, he would be mortified. We shouldn't enjoy hurting the people we love and we shouldn't get angry if they don't like something we've said.

Do you ever explain to him how certain things are coming across or, outright question him- What do you mean? Do you mean this.....? Be very careful though. I agree with other members. I don't like the look of where this is heading.

 

[Emillss]

Any reason is a valid reason to break up, no matter how insignificant it may seem. If even little things make you think about ending your relationship, there are definitely deeper issues, and you're not really compatible. Nobody should make sexist remarks towards someone, especially after they've been crying - and especially if it's their partner. You deserve better

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2,5 years because he started constantly making offensive jokes around me.
He would make sexist remarks and laugh. He made me cry once, but it didn't stop him from making more jokes. He started really pushing my boundaries with the jokes, something sending me "mischievous messages" about things that are clearly triggering to me.

Talked to him twice. He was defensive, even aggressive at first, then apologetic later. It didn't help.

I'm currently considering breakup.

Ditto for a lot of advice here and on top of that; Very important if you do end up breaking up, do so in a safe manner for yourself, if you live with him, break up over the phone at your parents/friends or any safe place away from that person, if he reacts the way he did to you not being comfortable to jokes, I am scared to how he'd react over a break up.