Bpd its killing me, and i dont know what to do about it.

[submarinedownsea]

I have borderline personality disorder, and well, my life is a big roller coster where i go up and down; wanting to live and then wanting to die. 6 years being in a several depression to get some weeks doing good, all i wanted was to die, rest, end all that mess inside me who dosent hurt just me, but my family and husband. this seven months i tought it all ended, but it came back, it always come. I say "hey im better" but then here i am again. Its so painfull, im tired, i just wanted to be normal, not a atomic bomb of feelings and agression. I dont know what to do, it cant be cured, should i end it all? do what i most wanted my entire life or should i just keep here in this big cicle of humilation and fake hopes waiting for the meds to make me apathatic?

 

[asano.para]

I am so sorry for you, I have a lot of mutuals with BPD and their life seems miserable too; but what they do tell me is that it does get better. You mentioned you had a husband (altough I don't know your relationship with him unless for the status which doesn't really mean anything in most cases) and I think that he's your best chance to help yourself go through those atomic bombs of feelings. An emotionally mature partner that is by your side everyday DOES make a difference. Human connection is fundamental, especially if you have BPD. I know that the cycle is dreadful and that those heavy emotions will most probably come back again, but CTB isn't a decision you should make during those high emotional episodes. Take care of yourself.