BPD is ruining my life

[kelimackie]

I know I have BPD and that MASSIVELY fucks my life.

I love my boyfriend and then suddenly I wish he was gone. I want to lose weight and then suddenly I don't care because I'm gonna die anyway so who cares.

I'M SO FUCKING TIRED OF THE FLIP FLOPING.

Fuck, I was planning my fucking suicide 5 DAYS AWAY FROM CHRISTMAS. I'd have absolutely destroyed my family holidays FOREVER. And I didn't even care at that moment.

Sometimes I feel like a narcissist because of it, but I know I'm not when I change mood again.

I read about BPD on reddit, and I related SO MUCH with everything there. I only got diagnosed pretty soon, but I've been showing symptoms for 7 years. It's making me realize I can actually be comprehend, at least between other borderline people. I feel joy in that.

I just want to feel peace, and sometimes I think death is the only thing that is capable of giving me that.

I will try one more time.

 

[Mr.Tristesse]

Did you try DBT?

 

[TransilvanianHunger]

If at all possible, I would suggest looking for a therapist. @LaVieEnRose mentioned DBT already, that's a good option. Another one is psychodynamic psychotherapy, which has shown to be quite beneficial for BPD.

Psychodynamic psychotherapy provides a comprehensive method of understanding and treating borderline personality disorder, shedding light on the intricate emotional world of those who suffer from this challenging condition. It represents an important treatment option alongside pharmacotherapy, DBT, and some other psychotherapies. Transference-focused psychotherapy, a psychodynamically derived treatment, has a particularly strong evidence base.

It is important to remember that most patients with BPD improve or recover. Psychiatrist Michael Stone's remarkable longitudinal research on BPD, following some patients in his private practice for more than 50 years, shows that two-thirds of patients eventually achieve either clinical remission or clinical recovery (Stone MH, Psychodyn Psychiatry 2016;44(3):449-474.).

From Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder: A Closer Look at Psychodynamic Approaches.

 

[justcallmeJ]

I feel you, I found out I got most symptoms of BPD some time ago, haven't been officially diagnosed, but every online bpd test and stories confirms it.
I fucking hate it! Every day im either planning my future, or planning my death. I had such a great weekend, and immediately after I was at my worst again.
Currently im on a waiting list to see a therapist, I recommend you seek one too.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I can relate, I also have BPD and it's horrible. I go from feeling so comforted for having my boyfriend to thinking about how I could let him go so he doesn't leave me or so that I can ctb.

If at all possible, I would suggest looking for a therapist. @LaVieEnRose mentioned DBT already, that's a good option. Another one is psychodynamic psychotherapy, which has shown to be quite beneficial for BPD.

From Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder: A Closer Look at Psychodynamic Approaches.

I spoke about BPD with the nurses at the psych hospital, they said to not bother since, in my case, I have the same therapist for 16 years. He doesn't implement BPD though, I asked.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

What I have that every few years my values and views completly change and I burn bridges and start over. So tired of this shit.

 

[Cloud Busting]

If at all possible, I would suggest looking for a therapist. @LaVieEnRose mentioned DBT already, that's a good option. Another one is psychodynamic psychotherapy, which has shown to be quite beneficial for BPD.

From Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder: A Closer Look at Psychodynamic Approaches.

I really like ACT therapy too. It has some similar principles to DBT (mindfulness, accepting your feelings instead of responding to them,) but it's a lot more user friendly I find. DBT is really complicated so I can find it overwhelming. Four modules? I prefer something more streamlined and simplified.

Think of the strengths of bpd. That has helped me a lot. You are likely very sensitive and feel very deeply. There are cons to this, but also great benefit. Also, it gets better with age. This has helped me come to terms with my traits.

 

[moshimoshi]

i can relate to this so much, I haven't been diagnosed but I relate very heavily with r/BPD it's like I'm almost positive I have it. I don't want to self diagnose though so when I start therapy soon I want to get evaluated for it. And the flip flopping sucks so muchhhhhhh auuu. Like one day I feel rlly good and next I feel like absolute shit. Thank you for sharing your experience it made me feel less alone
Also many people in my life have told me to seek therapy so I feel like that's a sign whatever mental illness I have has been fucking with my life for a long time

 

[sserafim]

How did you know that you had BPD?