
BandAddict
Specialist
- Apr 3, 2019
- 338
I've been insecure about my body since I was 13. It came out of nowhere, and I wasn't in school yet, but it got so much worse when I stayed with family out-of-state. Their judgement was relentless. My self-image has been almost completely obliterated. I feel like when my eating disorder got bad enough, I actually started to feel like I could accept myself, but I always wanted to lose more to make up for other insecurities. Dysmorphia just wouldn't let up for more than a few seconds, then it's always back to always seeing something new and strange in the mirror.
Now that I'm somewhat "healthy" again after starting recovery a few months ago, I hate it. I fucking hate it so much but it's too late to go back. I will never be at peace with myself. I hate the way my body has changed back into something I can't stand and can barely look at. I hate this body.
I feel shitty for feeling this way, because no matter how much I think I look fucked up, a lot of people don't think so, and I've probably received far more compliments than insults. I just don't feel like it will fix my scewed perception of myself.
Now that I'm somewhat "healthy" again after starting recovery a few months ago, I hate it. I fucking hate it so much but it's too late to go back. I will never be at peace with myself. I hate the way my body has changed back into something I can't stand and can barely look at. I hate this body.
I feel shitty for feeling this way, because no matter how much I think I look fucked up, a lot of people don't think so, and I've probably received far more compliments than insults. I just don't feel like it will fix my scewed perception of myself.