I struggle with body dysmorphia quite often and it's flared up again since I gained maybe 2-3 lbs over the summer. It fucking sucks because I'm almost certain my body, visibly, hasn't changed. But when I look in the mirror, I look fat and pudgy. It makes me want to start going to the gym again, but that stresses me out for some reason. I feel like ADHD makes the gym harder because I want those reward chemicals and I don't see results and I don't get those chemicals and then I burn out. My next semester is virtual so it's not like I have anything better to do. I'll be busy with classes but my social life is very dead, the most dead it's been since graduating high school. I'll be taking 5 classes and then possibly an extracurricular which is probably going to be the equivalent of a class. No job or anything, I have money saved from before the summer + the money I saved from my summer job. The body dysmorphia will be hard to ignore since I know I'll be sitting around a large portion of the day, doing school work and studying.
Idk, I know this post has no direction, it's more of a word vomit, me spilling how I feel as I think it out and typing those feelings. I just fucking hate body dysmorphia and the fact that I can't enjoy the gym. I wanna give it another shot but I remember how miserable I was last time I went, so it's hard and making me stressed on top of the stress of college starting, and I'm in the process of applying for scholarships at University.
Idk, I know this post has no direction, it's more of a word vomit, me spilling how I feel as I think it out and typing those feelings. I just fucking hate body dysmorphia and the fact that I can't enjoy the gym. I wanna give it another shot but I remember how miserable I was last time I went, so it's hard and making me stressed on top of the stress of college starting, and I'm in the process of applying for scholarships at University.
