glided~hydrangea
Member
- Jan 2, 2026
- 29
I have less than a year to live. For the past couple years I've set my mind that the age I'm at now will be the one where I leave. It's my birthday today and I don't feel an ounce of happiness. I've repeatedly told my loved ones I don't want to do anything at all—just rest at home. I have severe clinical depression, anxiety, and PTSD. No one respects my wishes, of course. And I'm exceedingly grateful, of course, but all day I've been jokingly made fun of and berated for not smiling and being happy-go-lucky every second. It sucks because all the wishes I've gotten make me so sad, I'm very loved—I know that. But they don't even know this is the last birthday I'll ever have. I've been dreading this day for so long because everything just gets so real. I already have the month I'm going to CTB—the first half of May, 2027—and I just don't want to keep putting up this facade. There's so much I still haven't done, so I need as much tips to live up this year before I go. I can't help but be frustrated with those around me, I've been violently raped by 5 different men these past 2 years, I've fallen pregnant and miscarried twice, I've been forced into mental hospitals where I was molested by other male patients, and I know it may appear ungrateful or as me simply finding anything to complain about, but I find it funny that even for something as positive as a birthday, people around me still actively choose not to respect my boundaries and wishes. Is anyone else in a similar boat? The melancholy of the day is overwhelming. I have so much potential that only I know isn't going to continue to become grow into something grandly tangible. I don't have enough time to make an intensely inspirational legacy, so I'm just going to have the most fun and make the most memories I physically can. Wish me luck!
