Birthdays and Suicides

[Pure]

How do yall feel on your birthdays?

Today is mine and I'm wondering about people who kill themselves on their birthday (I had a college classmate do so). I first was shocked at that because I always assumed that mosr people just chose a random day like I do but it makes sense from a logical perspective where if you have people who'd be sad about your death, then it'd be easier on them to have one less day to grieve if you combined your death day and your birthday.

I've never been happy on my birthday because as I've stated many times I don't have close friends or whatever. Also, my birthdays have always been during summer break so I couldn't invite people from school back when I was in grade school. I see my other friends have their friends throw them a nice dinner or a surprise and I get jealous ngl. Like one of my friends had her best friends fly to her house to surprise her. It sucks that I repel people so badly because it would nice to feel loved like that. I think my issue is that I don't put in effort to be good to people. I try but it's hard for me. I just stick to hanging out with my family which I consider to be a huge cop out for having no friends. I suppose I should be a grateful that I even have a family even if I'm not close to them at all.

That being said, it's still weird to think about suiciding on /my/ birthday. In the past when I was actively plotting my demise I was very insistent on doing it before I aged another year. Now look at me, 24, still suffering when I could have opt out when I was younger. Saved myself years of grief.

Anyways, I'm waiting until the end of this year to see how things turn out with my emotional state. I'm hoping for a turn around of some sorts but if not, I'm very confident in offing myself before I hit 25.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

Happy Birthday.

I relate. Birthdays are not happy days for me...I agree having friends would be satisfying.

I guess all I can say is- at least you are 24 and not way older...and at least you can be intellectually stimulated with your advanced studies (read from other post/comment).

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

Happy birthday.
I totally get what you mean. I'm really sorry that's how you feel and that you feel so lonely.
I try to ignore when it's my b-day. I don't talk to anyone, I switch off my phone.
Surprisingly, my last b-day wasn't the worst. I've no idea how it happened, but it was tolerable. I think I didn't even cry.
Maybe it's not too late for good things to happen for you. At least that's what I wish for you.
And remember that here, you're never alone.
Happy birthday

 

[Pure]

Surprisingly, my last b-day wasn't the worst. I've no idea how it happened, but it was tolerable. I think I didn't even cry.

Yeah I actually enjoyed my last birthday, don't even know how that happened.

Another one in 2018 was good because I was doing partial hospitalization so the therapist got a cake for us.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

My birthdays aren't awful, but they're not great, either. It's always a few days before my disability check so I'm broke and can't afford anything.

To your other point, about consolidating shitty dates: My best friend and my mother's birth/death dates are all in October. So I get one God-awful month of grieving every year.

 

[Worndown]

How do yall feel on your birthdays?

Today is mine and I'm wondering about people who kill themselves on their birthday (I had a college classmate do so). I first was shocked at that because I always assumed that mosr people just chose a random day like I do but it makes sense from a logical perspective where if you have people who'd be sad about your death, then it'd be easier on them to have one less day to grieve if you combined your death day and your birthday.

I've never been happy on my birthday because as I've stated many times I don't have close friends or whatever. Also, my birthdays have always been during summer break so I couldn't invite people from school back when I was in grade school. I see my other friends have their friends throw them a nice dinner or a surprise and I get jealous ngl. Like one of my friends had her best friends fly to her house to surprise her. It sucks that I repel people so badly because it would nice to feel loved like that. I think my issue is that I don't put in effort to be good to people. I try but it's hard for me. I just stick to hanging out with my family which I consider to be a huge cop out for having no friends. I suppose I should be a grateful that I even have a family even if I'm not close to them at all.

That being said, it's still weird to think about suiciding on /my/ birthday. In the past when I was actively plotting my demise I was very insistent on doing it before I aged another year. Now look at me, 24, still suffering when I could have opt out when I was younger. Saved myself years of grief.

Anyways, I'm waiting until the end of this year to see how things turn out with my emotional state. I'm hoping for a turn around of some sorts but if not, I'm very confident in offing myself before I hit h

How do yall feel on your birthdays?

Today is mine and I'm wondering about people who kill themselves on their birthday (I had a college classmate do so). I first was shocked at that because I always assumed that mosr people just chose a random day like I do but it makes sense from a logical perspective where if you have people who'd be sad about your death, then it'd be easier on them to have one less day to grieve if you combined your death day and your birthday.

I've never been happy on my birthday because as I've stated many times I don't have close friends or whatever. Also, my birthdays have always been during summer break so I couldn't invite people from school back when I was in grade school. I see my other friends have their friends throw them a nice dinner or a surprise and I get jealous ngl. Like one of my friends had her best friends fly to her house to surprise her. It sucks that I repel people so badly because it would nice to feel loved like that. I think my issue is that I don't put in effort to be good to people. I try but it's hard for me. I just stick to hanging out with my family which I consider to be a huge cop out for having no friends. I suppose I should be a grateful that I even have a family even if I'm not close to them at all.

That being said, it's still weird to think about suiciding on /my/ birthday. In the past when I was actively plotting my demise I was very insistent on doing it before I aged another year. Now look at me, 24, still suffering when I could have opt out when I was younger. Saved myself years of grief.

Anyways, I'm waiting until the end of this year to see how things turn out with my emotional state. I'm hoping for a turn around of some sorts but if not, I'm very confident in offing myself before I hit 25.

Happy birthday. Hoping you find improvement in life over the next year.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

Yeah I actually enjoyed my last birthday, don't even know how that happened.

Another one in 2018 was good because I was doing partial hospitalization so the therapist got a cake for us.

See? So not all of your b-days sucked. Although they probably weren't what you dreamed of.
It's funny. On that last not so bad b-day I was home alone, with my cats. It was quiet and peaceful.

 

[FuneralCry]

Happy birthday.
I do not like my birthday as it is a day that is supposed to celebrate an existence that I do not want. I wish I was never born as the fact that I was born in the first place is the cause of all of my problems. I want to ctb near my birthday as I do not like that time of year. I dread my birthday this year.

 

[less than]

I wish you a happy birthday.

I ignore my birthday and most of my friends don't even know when my birthday is. For me, the day of my birthday is no different to any other day.

Yet, I wish you a nice day today may with some good food or a tasty drink.

 

[Pure]

So I've just more or less finished my day. Depressing as hell, just as expected. Got a few texts from classmates which was nice. Got some calls from family only. Nothing compared to having a surprise party thrown or having people who actually fuck with me flying up to see me for a surprise or getting a nice letter from someone or being taken out to dinner by friends and then paying for it (all I've seen or participated in).

Can you tell I'm bitter hahaha. I don't have any resentment for the people in my life, truly, just frustrated with my own pathetic existence and my inability to cultivate anything meaningful with anyone. I'm like tinkerbell, if I don't get attention I start to die. I guess some of us are meant to be alone and lonely.

My older sister also called me which was very surprising to me. I wasn't expecting it. She's to get married abroad in October (the only reason I did not kill myself yet this the summer) and while I was supposed to go, my school informed me very clearly I would fail my classes sooo that's binned for me. My mother told me she cried when my parents informed her but I'm wondering if she lied to me to make me feel better because my sister made it clear last year as we were discussing dates for the wedding that she did not prioritize when I would be free (ie the entirety of July and June) as she was committed to having a fall wedding so I interpret that to mean that she was not interested in prioritizing my inclusion into her wedding so I'm surprised that she showed sadness and not indifference about it. Anyways the phone call was very awkward.

I decided to give myself a day off from studying. I mainly spent the day by myself and drove around for a bit and went to the lake because I love bodies of water. I did fantasize about slowly wading in drowning in it. It's a very romantic notion but the likelihood of becoming a vegetable is too high given the number of people who are near the lake too so I'd probably be saved. SN for life <3

Had dinner with my family (cop out) but they paid for it. Started tearing up during dinner but thankfully the restaurant was lit very darkly so they couldn't see.

Overall, very depressing day but not the worst birthday I've had as my mother did not get mad at me for no reason. Probably would have happened had she seen me crying though.
I forgot to add, my roommate did make some brownies for me which was very nice of her.

 

[Worndown]

It sounds like a not-bad day. Happy birthday.

 

[Stopthepain]

I wouldnt do it cause i would be too scared to be found too fast on my bday..

 

[RevolutionaryRed]

I'm turning 25 in two days . I'm not gonna do it then but I should do it eventually

 

[Sebuet]

I'll do it on my birthday. I like the symbolism of it if that makes sense, leaving on the same date I entered. Don't really know how to describe it.