Biggest regret

[Psilo]

My regret is to be self destructive. I have capabilities, and I dump everything down the sink, I don't know why, I know it sounds stupid. I just enjoy destroying everything I fought for, nothing matters anymore, time is my enemy. I lost time because of depression and self destruction.

 

[Nifi]

Taking sertraline

 

[r0_]

not being with my dad when he was dying in hospital. i was getting drunk and rambling in a silly chat when he died alone. i cant handle reality. at least he cant see me in my current state - i think.

 

[Livinginhell]

Just been born, I would never of caused the pain and problems to everybody I meet.

 

[ThisIsTheLastNight]

What I regret the most is that my suicide attempt has failed. The death would have been better than what I had experienced since then. I could finally have found my peace and escaped this hell. But that's typical of my life that I fail in everything, even in it to kill me. There is not much in my life that I do not regret. The path I had taken could only end where I'm now. So that I did not land here, I would have had to do many things differently as a child.

 

[dandan]

What I regret the most is that my suicide attempt has failed. The death would have been better than what I had experienced since then. I could finally have found my peace and escaped this hell. But that's typical of my life that I fail in everything, even in it to kill me. There is not much in my life that I do not regret. The path I had taken could only end where I'm now. So that I did not land here, I would have had to do many things differently as a child.

wow okay okay could you tell us about how you failed in your attempt?

I was so nervous and anxious that "something" failed with the Nitrogen gas attempt... because I was anxious, maybe I opened the valve to soon, I dunno...

 

[ThisIsTheLastNight]

wow okay okay could you tell us about how you failed in your attempt?

I was so nervous and anxious that "something" failed with the Nitrogen gas attempt... because I was anxious, maybe I opened the valve to soon, I dunno...

I know how you feel. Being so close to the goal and then failing. That's damn hard.
I tried it with carbon monoxide by mixing sulfuric acid and formic acid. Had my attempt described here: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/carbon-monoxide-megathread.2053/page-12#post-212778 My only explanation why it did not work is that the chemical reaction without heat eventually succumbs. You always hear the warnings that carbon monoxide is such a deadly gas and then there are lucky people like me who breathe it in high concentrations and survive.

 

[TheNorthernSilence]

Living life without having my own free will for so long.

 

[Escaper Boy]

I'm not sure about my biggest regret. I was studying Pharmacy in university. I started to have depression during this time. I felt alone and didn't belong in the community. I didn't put enough effort in my study. In the end, I dropped out the next year.

Things pretty much went downhill since then. I think my life would be much different if I chose to put enough effort back then. If I chose to ignore my emotional state and just study like mindless machine, I would at least be able to graduate and feel less like a failure.

Well, what's done is done. To be fair, I was merely a teen at the time. I didn't think like an adult because my brain was not fully developed. The only thing I can do is to cast compassion on myself for not doing enough, for the pain I endured, and ultimately for the mistakes that I made...

 

[TheFinalCountdown]

I'm not sure about my biggest regret. I was studying Pharmacy in university. I started to have depression during this time. I felt alone and didn't belong in the community. I didn't put enough effort in my study. In the end, I dropped out the next year.

Things pretty much went downhill since then. I think my life would be much different if I chose to put enough effort back then. If I chose to ignore my emotional state and just study like mindless machine, I would at least be able to graduate and feel less like a failure.

Well, what's done is done. To be fair, I was merely a teen at the time. I didn't think like an adult because my brain was not fully developed. The only thing I can do is to cast compassion on myself for not doing enough, for the pain I endured, and ultimately for the mistakes that I made...

Your situation sounds very similar to the one I was in. I became depressed while I was at uni and wasn't able to finish. Because I didn't finish my life was basically ruined and I've been suicidal ever since.

 

[Omega7]

Letting go of my family

 

[HelpPlease]

Seeing a psych drug addiction and accidental child

 

[TAW122]

I would say my biggest regret was rushing to university immediately after high school (even though I graduated uni and with a solid gpa in a STEM field - Computer Science) because everyone else was doing it at that time and also due to parental pressure. I feel like if I could go back, I'd at least get some job experience and work a bit then decide if I really want to go to college to get a degree and then get that high paying job afterwards. I'm saying this because back then, as a naive dumb teenager and young adult, I foolishly believed that all I needed was good grades and good degree in a promising field then I'd get a job, but clearly this isn't 1960's, 70's, nor 80's anymore. It was 2012.

I'm saying this because today, I have lots of student loan debt (over 35K with interest) and I'm on IBR, which means the more I make (that's even assuming that I do get a lucrative job/career), the more I pay back. As of now, I have a small part time job that pays enough to put food on the table and have a bit of spending money for some entertainment and that's about it. I also ration out what I eat and micro-manage my spendings to make the most out of my limited finances. Had I accurately seen what the world is today, I would have told me 2008 self, delay (or don't go) college until I know what I want and am more financially and professionally prepared (with job experience already under my belt).

 

[bluesleep]

Mine is being in a relationship with someone who didn't love me, and not being there for my dad in the end. That kills me (not literally, sadly).

 

[marcusuk63]

Everything i`ve done and everything i haven't done

 

[Psychotic King]

Got plenty. But now after 5 years of being alone and counting, I do regret not doing more for the last relationship that I had. I didn't have much power left to do anything, but still. It's getting lonely, but it's a dilemma for me, I have to be alone for 99% of the time, I cant stand humans and it feels relaxing and peaceful / safe to be alone but after 5 years of a lot of alone time, no pets, nothing and it is getting lonely. Normally I like the feeling but this is something different nowadays

Got many other regrets but I guess that is one of the bigger ones. I never finished schools, haven't gotten decent jobs or anything but I dont even care about that stuff anymore

 

[marcusuk63]

Got plenty. But now after 5 years of being alone and counting, I do regret not doing more for the last relationship that I had. I didn't have much power left to do anything, but still. It's getting lonely, but it's a dilemma for me, I have to be alone for 99% of the time, I cant stand humans and it feels relaxing and peaceful / safe to be alone but after 5 years of a lot of alone time, no pets, nothing and it is getting lonely. Normally I like the feeling but this is something different nowadays

Got many other regrets but I guess that is one of the bigger ones. I never finished schools, haven't gotten decent jobs or anything but I dont even care about that stuff anymore

i`ve been living alone for 20 years and been single for 10 ! but always had pets so always had "someone" to talk to and cook for lol, only got my little frenchie now though but she has a massive personality

 

[Psychotic King]

i`ve been living alone for 20 years and been single for 10 ! but always had pets so always had "someone" to talk to and cook for lol, only got my little frenchie now though but she has a massive personality

Nice looking fellas there! I love dogs, cats and other animals, got a cousin who has dogs, cats, ferrets and snakes... I love animals, but I feel so burned out everyday, taking the trash out, washing the dishes, going to shower sometimes takes me days so the reason I haven't gotten pets is the fact that at some point I just know that I couldn't even take care of them. Would be pretty cruel to them. I also like to travel from time to time and would need for somebody to take care of them during those times.

I know that a pet would really make me feel better in many ways but I just dont think I will ever be able to get one

 

[marcusuk63]

Nice looking fellas there! I love dogs, cats and other animals, got a cousin who has dogs, cats, ferrets and snakes... I love animals, but I feel so burned out everyday, taking the trash out, washing the dishes, going to shower sometimes takes me days so the reason I haven't gotten pets is the fact that at some point I just know that I couldn't even take care of them. Would be pretty cruel to them. I also like to travel from time to time and would need for somebody to take care of them during those times.

I know that a pet would really make me feel better in many ways but I just dont think I will ever be able to get one

I`m the same now , i couldnt cope with taking my big dogs out every day. my frenchie gets enough exercise just in the back yard , i cant be bothered to go upstairs even now and sleep on the sofa , i have downstairs bathroom so dont need to go up there , it takes me hours to go to shop when i need milk sometimes by time i get the motivation to go its shut and its only half a dozen doors away !and have gone for 10 showers a week to one a week if that ! so i know where you are coming from

 

[Psychotic King]

I`m the same now , i couldnt cope with taking my big dogs out every day. my frenchie gets enough exercise just in the back yard , i cant be bothered to go upstairs even now and sleep on the sofa , i have downstairs bathroom so dont need to go up there , it takes me hours to go to shop when i need milk sometimes by time i get the motivation to go its shut and its only half a dozen doors away !and have gone for 10 showers a week to one a week if that ! so i know where you are coming from

Yeah, same here with the showers especially. It's disgusting but I dont really care that much to be honest. I usually go outside when I have to, I dont go to night walks like I used to anymore, doesn't feel that good in a town, in a villages / places with very few inhabitants it's great though. I haven't gone to my hobby for half a year now, I just go outside when I have to go to the store or when I need to go to psychiatrist

it is what it is

 

[Jolene40]

My biggest regret is dating my ex who was emotionally abusive for almost a year. I thought of dumping him 1-2 months into the relationship, but I didn't want to give up on him and it gradually got worse. Now I know the signs and avoid people who are manipulative and emotionally abusive

As cheese as this sounds- look at what you learnt becsuse of your experience with that loser. You wont let it happen again

Your situation sounds very similar to the one I was in. I became depressed while I was at uni and wasn't able to finish. Because I didn't finish my life was basically ruined and I've been suicidal ever since.

Don't berate me for this but how come? I only ask as the friends i have who didnt go to uni are prob doing better than those who did. It did take time though. I guess it depends where you live. Minimum wage jobs disgust me in this country. People doing those jobs deserve so much more.

not moving away from the family house, being a coward when it comes to intimacy, not being a fighter when it comes to my ilnesses (although i dont have a diagnosis, which made it more difficult). being weak

If you have 'mysterious' health probs like me ( before i got diagnosed with most) you will be made to feel like a useless POS and a nutjob. Other people have made you feel that way! 'Weak' 'not a fighter'. Makes me so mad the stuff people project.

 

[lynn14]

Getting unreasonably addicted to caffeine and losing my hair as a result at the age of 24. Getting toxic tattoos. In general just being a modern clown world douchebag at different periods of my life, drugs in general I could have done without.

Taking birth control and not prioritizing motherhood at a younger age. I did become a mother at 21 but if I would have known how important having children would be to me, I would have preferred to have been a teenage bride and mother, in a perfect traditional world.

Joining the military at 18 instead of starting a family at that time like I should have.

Picking the wrong husband(s)

Getting divorced instead of staying together for the kids. The grass wasn't any greener on the other side, after all.

So many more regrets... But those are the biggest ones that stand out in my mind,

 

[ArtVandelay]

What's your biggest regret in life?

Mine is being expelled from university

Mine is going to university lol. I graduated but it was a massive waste of time and energy that I should have invested in finding something I actually enjoy doing.

 

[lostangel]

What's your biggest regret in life?

Mine is being expelled from university

my biggest regret is listening to my family and doing what they want

 

[Jean Améry]

For me it's not having done everything in my power to be with the woman I love(d). Having lost her is excruciating but knowing it was due to my lack of courage and indecisivenes is beyond painful.

That and the fact I was born in the first place but that's hardly my fault.

 

[JadedGray]

Being born in the first place. I regret my entire life. Though, if I could take back one thing, it would be taking any prescription drugs. They just destroyed what little chance I had at a life.

 

[GeorgeJL]

Mine is not believing in myself, and not researching self development when I got a computer years ago when I was young.

 

[CoolGuy9]

I made some friends by doing stupid stuff for them which made me the school clown and started my long journey to hell. I remember this one time they were just throwing this huge ball at me which hurt and I didn't want to do it, but even if i said no and defended myself, they would not have stopped.