Being ugly is forcing me to ctb

[parnassius_mnemosyn]

I actually have ambitions and passions in this life, I got accepted to uni and will move into a nice apartment with some roommates. There's some struggles, but honestly, not worse than the average person on this earth.
My issue is that I am an extremely ugly woman. It is so extreme that I can not enjoy anything in this life. I don't enjoy socialising, traveling, sex, nothing. I get very little happiness from my passions, but it unfortunately doesn't compare to the tremendous amount of pain my appearance subjects me to. Ive done what I can. I was very skinny at some point, and I am at a healthy weight right now. I invest in skin care. Tried eating clean. Exercising. It doesn't matter. It does not affect my bone structure. I can not afford extensive plastic surgery. If I save up, I'll be old by the time I can get something done. I'm not even sure if it would look good. I tried pushing through, but it will never stop eating me alive. I haven't been able to be out in public without tearing up and I can not focus on any goals i have in this life, I am starting to wonder what the point of having them even is. I feel like I could have enjoyed life. I don't really want to die, I realise that now. Sometimes it feels like I am being sentenced to death, even though, strictly speaking, it will be voluntary. I'd rather be dead than live a life in this form. It seems like god made me as a punishment, before I even had the chance to do anything to deserve it. I am so, so, so tired...

 

[Dawnfang]

I relate to this so so much, and I'm so sorry you feel that way. I wouldn't wish this crushing pain on anyone. I sincerely wish you the best. May you find peace <3

 

[parnassius_mnemosyn]

I relate to this so so much, and I'm so sorry you feel that way. I wouldn't wish this crushing pain on anyone. I sincerely wish you the best. May you find peace <3

Thank you, angel. I'm sorry you relate. I hope kindness and love will find you, despite everything.

 

[sometimelater]

i'm probably being very naive about this but if you've already figured out you dont like sex that means you've had success in finding a partner who looked past your looks, even if it was for a short time. for you, why isnt that enough to believe you can accomplish what you want with how you look? do you face rejection forwardly or does the pretense of it based on your perception of yourself block you? or am i completely misunderstanding let me know