a recurring intrusive thought i have is the fact that i will be remembered once im gone. i have a childish desire to completely disappear from history once ive done what i need to. i really try to believe it will happen for my own sanity but i know it wont. i just cant imagine putting those who care/cared about me through the pain of knowing that im gone.
I WANT TO GO AWAY.
i am a prisoner on this earth and my chains are the relationships ive forged. i really just want to go. ive been trying to push people away for quite some time, and to an extent ive done the bulk of the work, but i just cant do the final push of blocking my friends and starting that final descent. they will look for me and talk about me. and whatever, they'll probably change their tune about how they speak about me now, but i still cant put them through that pain. my family too obviously, but i could never push them away in the same manner. i dont want to hurt anybody but im done with life.
my death will surprise no one.
I WANT TO GO AWAY.
i am a prisoner on this earth and my chains are the relationships ive forged. i really just want to go. ive been trying to push people away for quite some time, and to an extent ive done the bulk of the work, but i just cant do the final push of blocking my friends and starting that final descent. they will look for me and talk about me. and whatever, they'll probably change their tune about how they speak about me now, but i still cant put them through that pain. my family too obviously, but i could never push them away in the same manner. i dont want to hurt anybody but im done with life.
my death will surprise no one.
