Venting Being psychotic is miserable

[CultureKillz123]

Hello, I have psychotic symtoms and its very disheartening how to world chooses to treat us.
I get treated like a child, or like a dog, but never am equal capable adult. I dont even feel like an adult I feel as though I haven't giving to the world at all, and I dont feel like im capable of it.
I miss the person I thought I would become when I grew up, I believed id be some sort of teacher or some sort of humanitarian worker in general. I thought I would give back, but all I do is leach and eat off of people and resources.
Im pathetic and depressed, I hurt myself severely to the point I'm slowly gaining nerve damage in one of my legs.
I am not able to do anything I want to do, my psychosis has made me too incompetent to get any sort of higher education and even if I could I feel as though I have little to no motivation to.
I believe my time to go will come soon, maybe in the next couple of years, this is my first post, hopefully I can find some sort of belonging before them
Thank you for reading
-CK

 

[Hiro Uchiha]

That's really sad to hear. I hope things get better for you.

 

[CutePrincess]

I can sympathise with you. I was top student when I was younger. People assumed I will get good or meaningful job but I dropped out of university and couldn't hold a job for longer then a month due to progressing mental illness. Every body tries to convince me I will be able to work after therapy or trying different job but I think it's just wishful thinking. Even if I got a job it would only unburden my parents. I won't find meaning working some minimum wage job and it wouldn't be enough money to change my lifestyle. I don't think I could change my lifestyle even if I had high paying job I probably still would chose to live with my parents because I would know I could become unable to work or even function on my own at any time because even when I got better it only last for some time. Trying to hold a job was one of the most horrible experiences in my life and working some shitty job would feel like falling deeper into being nobody. When I was unemployed I belived I'm on a path to get somewhere I even got it a job as a Tarot reader but it flopped I went into psychosis when I believed everything is getting better and when I hit reality that I got nowhere I got suicadal. Getting meaningless job wouldn't feel like improvement it would be accustoming to this terrible reality. My parents support me in getting better and I know they would rather have me sick and unemployed then dead but I feel that I can't live like this. I feel like I lost live I belived I could have and I'm lost living like a vegetable.