Venting Being in the closet is killing me

[sleeplessboyinbed]

I wish i could just live my life. I want to be nornal so bad. I don't understand why it had to be me. Why do i have to wake up in a strangers body. Who are they? Where are they and when they are coming back? Me being in this body was a mistake. I need to be killed so somebody normal could take my place. Me being born was such a mistake. But i want to live so much. Why couldn't i be a cis guy. Why am i, of all people, don't deserve to have a body that is my own? A life that i can call mine? For what crimes was i put in this prison. I want to love but death is all i have. Its all i deserve. I feel sick. Dearh is inevitable for me. It's either i kill this body or my sanity to try and be cis. Maybe i can forget how good it felt imaging myself as a guy. Do we all have a thing to give up to live and it's just a normal life experience? Is it just a temptation that i need to overcome? I never deserved happiness, right?

 

[catbunny]

related so bad. I wish someone else could just take my body and kick my soul out of it. I'd rather be a wanderer soul than living in this body. I feel like this is me and not me at the same time and that feeling is killing me

 

[nails]

i understand completely. this feels like a curse because it seems like we were doomed from the start. every route seems terrible or pointless. obviously, being a cis male would be ideal. still, i wish i could just be content with being a cis woman. these days, i think about that more than anything. i guess it's because it feels more feasible. i wish i didn't have to think about these things and that i could live as a normal cis woman, especially because transitioning would be a horrible idea for me. there's really no point and every option leads to further suffering and/or humiliation, so death is really the only way out for me.
i'm sorry you have to deal with this. wishing you all the best and i hope you can find some peace.

 

[sleeplessboyinbed]

i understand completely. this feels like a curse because it seems like we were doomed from the start. every route seems terrible or pointless. obviously, being a cis male would be ideal. still, i wish i could just be content with being a cis woman. these days, i think about that more than anything. i guess it's because it feels more feasible. i wish i didn't have to think about these things and that i could live as a normal cis woman, especially because transitioning would be a horrible idea for me. there's really no point and every option leads to further suffering and/or humiliation, so death is really the only way out for me.
i'm sorry you have to deal with this. wishing you all the best and i hope you can find some peace.

Thank you! Wishing you peace as well (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

 

[Kanau_Nano]

You're super relatable. It would be wonderful to be born without being trans.

I have to deal with people sometimes insulting me or threatening me if they know I'm trans which happened quite a few times, or getting treated like a science experiment, and possibly getting assaulted due to it which has almost happened. I feel uncomfortable dating irl because when they figure out I'm trans they might not like me anymore. I felt like I was just mentally Ill as a kid and stressed over if I'm actually trans or not. Gotta worry about my meds, my voice etc

It's so tiring and stressful at times. I wish I could be like other trans people who are proud of themselves. I'm a lot more comfortable with my body at least.

This isn't why I want to ctb, but it definitely adds to my desire.