Venting Being away from someone you love

[リンさん]

Just feeling like venting for a bit, because I'm in so much emotional pain right now and keep yearning for something I can't have just yet.

I've written a post about this girl I really really like, and the situation has developed pretty nicely I think. I managed to do a lot of good and be supportive, as well as help her with introspection and some personal stuff she wants to resolve. Overall, we bonded even more. Which is why it hurts me so much right now.

We decided on taking some time apart. She recognizes that while she does have feelings for me, wants me in her life etc., at the state she's in, this relationship will inevitably be toxic. She has heaps of unhealthy coping mechanisms and behaviors that she needs to unlearn in order to be a good partner. And I get it, I really do.

While she was never abusive with me, some things that happened between us did hurt me. Which in return hurt her, because it was never her intention in the first place. She's a naturally sensitive, caring and emotional person, so seeing and knowing that she did something wrong was a lot to take in and deal with. I get it, because she has never had any relationship experience previously.

Taking a "break" was initially her own idea, but later on I saw that it's definitely something that she needs. We both need. While I managed to challenge some of her personal convictions regarding her own worthlessness and not deserving love, time needs to pass in order to heal.

But man, do I wish I could be there for her. Even if it hurts me. I have so much love for her and a desire to give, even if she feels like in the end she's no good as a partner. But I know that this is what's best for us.

We arent committed, so I'm not expecting her to come back. I know that she will, though. Call it wishful thinking or whatever, but I do feel like we're yet to have our forever goodbye.

Either way, I just want her to be happy at the end of the day. Whether or not that happiness will have me in the picture. I am selfish, so I obviously will continue to hope for more, but I never want her to feel like there's pressure to stay or interact with me.

If its meant to be, it will happen. But for now, I'm just left feeling sad, wondering how she's doing and feeling, how her day went, what she had for lunch and all these meaningless things.

I'm glad I had her in my life. And I hope that some day, I'll get to have her again - this time, with better circumstances.

 

[tiger b]

If its meant to be, it will happen. But for now, I'm just left feeling sad, wondering how she's doing and feeling, how her day went, what she had for lunch and all these meaningless things.

And yeah, that's love all right!

Being separate hurts so much it can ache...real deep ache.

It sounds like you did the hardest but best thing. Worse to see something special rotting around you by not giving her time to heal. Some consolation I guess.

Selfish? It doesn't seem that way to me You just know your needs and don't ignore them, but don't make them more than anything else.

I think she's lucky to have had you, to still have you - and you both know that.

Best wishes to you both

 

[SpiritualDeath]

Your post reminds me of the girl I was with a year ago. I left her because I became suicidal.

She was the life-lover kind but she was pro-choice (which I feel is pretty rare among people like her). It was never a committed relationship in the conventional sense. Bullshit and drama started to happen even before defining the real committed relationship, so yeah it was quite toxic as well. But I was glad that at least I could be honest with her. I sent her goodbye messages saying that I was feeling very suicidal, I had a plan and was going to attempt soon. She respected my decision. We said goodbye to each other and cut all contact.

Actually my plan was botched. It was so badly prepared that I didn't even get a chance to really attempt. I never thought I'd live to 20 yo but here I am (fuck)...My 20th birthday came with the realization that it's only wise to deal with suicidality totally alone. Now I don't intend to attempt anytime soon. I still have her contact number but I've never contacted her ever again since then (so yes to her I'm dead already), because I'm still suicidal and I don't seek recovery. I just don't think it's fair to her to be around someone who's continuously suicidal and may just be dead tomorrow.

I miss her sometimes, strangely, but it comforts me to know that the bond we once had is really dead so it's at peace now, and will no longer suffer and cause suffering to either of us. So yeah it can be said that love is knowing what is causing suffering and cutting it. It's never just about seeking a traditional committed relationship (which, indeed, can often be ugly and toxic) with the person.

I wish you well with the girl. I hope she comes back to you if that's what you wish.