Venting Being alive makes me physically sick

[chapitaupe]

Every night I go to bed dreading the next morning. I don't even believe in any god but I keep praying to never wake up again but I still open my eyes every morning and it makes me nauseous. I have not much time left to find something to do regarding my future and professional life but I'm mentally stuck and thinking about it makes me so anxious. But since I've convinced myself i'm going to die anyways I'm unable to do anything but time passes anyways and people keep asking me what i'm going to do and I say I don't know but the thing is I don't want to do anything. I'm just not compatible with life and everything that goes with it. Every day I do nothing and it really makes me so sick and I wish I could just motivate myself to do something good for my future but I just can't. I really don't know how to put words on that feeling but it is so so uncomfortable. I hope soon it'll become so unbearable I'll finally have a breakthrough that will make me motivated enough to either get my shit together or just kms.

 

[sadlittlekitten]

But since I've convinced myself i'm going to die anyways I'm unable to do anything but time passes anyways and people keep asking me what i'm going to do and I say I don't know but the thing is I don't want to do anything.

Heavy on this… I don't know your circumstances, but I feel very similarly. Except… I just kept doing what society told me to do… go to school, pick something you like, build a career from it. Except… that's never worked. I've tried, I can't get a job, I go back to school. Cycle continues. I've tried job programs, but this last time I ended up in an industry of people that continually treat me like shit. Every job I've had in different areas, shitty people that make me feel worse because kindness is virtually nonexistent. It's fucked up. And now after a decade in different school programs, useless degrees, and no job prospects, my body is failing and I've been unable to get medical treatment or even a diagnosis. To the point I don't want to eat any more because I end up in excruciating pain for half the day… I don't know, it just fucking sucks.

Now I also feel stuck in this loop of wishing I wouldn't wake up, waking up in extreme pain and discomfort, unable to be mobile or healthy because walking/standing is painful, looking for jobs when there is none, feeling isolated, disassociating for the rest of the day, repeat… never goes away, just transforms…


Sending you virtual hugs. I'm sorry for the pain you're going through. This life and world is so fucked up sometimes.

 

[m3nhera]

Every night I go to bed dreading the next morning. I don't even believe in any god but I keep praying to never wake up again but I still open my eyes every morning and it makes me nauseous. I have not much time left to find something to do regarding my future and professional life but I'm mentally stuck and thinking about it makes me so anxious. But since I've convinced myself i'm going to die anyways I'm unable to do anything but time passes anyways and people keep asking me what i'm going to do and I say I don't know but the thing is I don't want to do anything. I'm just not compatible with life and everything that goes with it. Every day I do nothing and it really makes me so sick and I wish I could just motivate myself to do something good for my future but I just can't. I really don't know how to put words on that feeling but it is so so uncomfortable. I hope soon it'll become so unbearable I'll finally have a breakthrough that will make me motivated enough to either get my shit together or just kms.

I don't know if it makes you feel any better that we understand, because people always say that bs but in society most people don't ACTUALLY understand suicidal people. Here we truly get it, for some people being alive is so sickening it turns into a physical illness too. I've gotten hives multiple times from life before and all the things it puts you through, it's as if I'm allergic to it. So you're not alone.

 

[Ben 111]

I feel the exact same way every time I wake up I just think of ending it..i gave up on my goals coz in the end are they even worth it, im gonna end it pretty much SOON!!

 

[singingcrow]

yep it makes me sick too

 

[Passenger4224]

Today especially, I felt sick af waking up, and I felt even more sick when I tried to go back to sleep and started dreaming...

 

[smirks00ts]

me too. im 20 and my life is feel is alr over. I dont want to be 21. if I die before it ill be happy I succeed