Beginning TMS & Possibly Ketamine

[dragonofenvy]

All but begged my new therapist to set me up for TMS, but then he had a family emergency and has been AWOL. Well, I saw my psychiatrist today and he just said "Yep let's send you to TMS." That was it. No asking why. Nothing. I just said I wanted it and he said okay. He referred to a place that does both TMS and ketamine and he advised me to ask them about their ketamine treatment on top of the TMS. And if all that doesn't work he's gonna send me to ECT without questioning my decision. It's almost scary how he just... listens without question. Like, it's what I wanted a MH professional to do forever but it feels so weird that he seems to trust my judgement as much as he trusts that the sun will rise tomorrow morning.

He also ordered genetic testing be done on me to try to figure out what I'm so resistant to medication. I've been prescribed stuff that's supposed to have horrific withdrawals but when I stopped it abruptly nothing happened. If they worked in the first place, I would've had withdrawals, and it also wouldn't have - as he said - "strange" effects that are outside of the norm.

This past month and a half has been a complete roller coaster. I'm suddenly very hopeful and making real progress and then suddenly I drop to abyssal depths I've never reached before in my life. On top of the massive amount of stress certain recent events have caused, I'm at my limits of sanity. I'm waiting for the roller coaster to come crashing down even harder than it did earlier this week.

 

[WPeregrine]

The rollercoaster is horrific... I'm sorry you have to experience that. I went through that kind of situation years ago, after the break-up with my ex. The first half year was just general numbness and depression. Then I started seeing a therapist, and after a while my moods would swing up and down like crazy (not even taking any kind of medications), from euphoric to suicidal (to a degree I had never been before) sometimes within the same day... I think its what happens when you get suddenly reasons to be hopeful again, after a long time of numb depression. It did settle down for me after 3-4 months or so, but that was one mental summer I'd prefer not to experience again.... (I imagine that is what bipolar feels like permanently...)