Discussion Beautiful people

[adam&eve]

I was raised by an extremely abusive father, covertly abusive mother, and had a sociopathic brother.

The man-child I eventually married has severe rage issues. He broke my ribs and caused the most severe of the TBIs I had (an internal brain bleed - acute on chronic subdural hematoma). I needed an emergency craniotomy, was in the hospital for a month, and in a coma and on life support for ~2 weeks. I was not expected to live (I wish I had not),

It did not stop there. A year and a half ago, I was given a med in the hospital that I should not have been given because of my condition (and this was clearly stated in the packed insert). Within 45 minutes of taking the med, I had a grand mal seizure where I sustained yet another severe head injury and crushed a tooth when I fell from a standing position to a concrete floor. Afterwards, I was staying with my ex's 80+ year-old mother because I needed to be watched for additional seizures. She was a former nurse and I had no where else to go.

One night, about 2-3 weeks after the in-hospital seizure, I was in a lot of pain and told him that I was too tired walk the dogs that night and that I would take them out to the yard instead.

Oh wow, he screamed at me at the top of his lungs calling me every nasty name you can think of. When I tried to walk away to avoid his rage, he followed me all the while continuing to scream at the top of his lungs and then shoved me so hard that I stumbled backwards hard, and almost hit my head yet again.

When I told him that that what he had done was assault, he replied "No it isn't, I didn't hurt you." I responded "Oh yes it is," and I kid you not, within 2 seconds he looked down at the floor and lied saying: "I never touched you." Gaslighting at its best.

Because of all of the abusers in my life, the bullying, the assaults, etc ad nauseam, I am pretty much a recluse now. I do realize that because of my early life I was predisposed to marry someone similar to my biologic abusers, and even though I knew this, I STILL fell into that pattern (mad at myself there).

So now I have huge trust issues, feel completely and utterly broken, and want to end my existence. Although, like you, I have found a refuge in this place :)

At this time, I do not want others in my life - not because they are abusive per se, but because I no longer trust my judgment.

Sighs.... I apologize for the long post. Thank you for thinking of me and your kindness, it means more than I can adequately convey.

Oh my gosh, don't thank me for a normal concern, this is what normal people feel, you deserve normal people in your life. It is so sad that you are surrounded by such horrors of people. I am SH-OCK-ED by your story. And yet I was the one telling you that I would endure anything just if I had a chance to be born pretty.

You should have been a gift to someone that they would cherish. This is not in any way normal what you are going through.

Don't give up on life though, there is always a chance you end this abusive relationship and end up with someone nice, or at least living by yourself in peace. I am completely shocked. But do not loose faith, you deserve so much better. And I mean EVERY PERSON deserves love and caring, geesh I just can't believe you have been so unlucky in that field to not find any normal people. Just keep the faith, there are people out there who DO care and have feelings. Stay strong.

 

[Weary Soul]

Oh my gosh, don't thank me for a normal concern, this is what normal people feel, you deserve normal people in your life. It is so sad that you are surrounded by such horrors of people. I am SH-OCK-ED by your story. And yet I was the one telling you that I would endure anything just if I had a chance to be born pretty.

You should have been a gift to someone that they would cherish. This is not in any way normal what you are going through.

Don't give up on life though, there is always a chance you end this abusive relationship and end up with someone nice, or at least living by yourself in peace. I am completely shocked. But do not loose faith, you deserve so much better. And I mean EVERY PERSON deserves love and caring, geesh I just can't believe you have been so unlucky in that field to not find any normal people. Just keep the faith, there are people out there who DO care and have feelings. Stay strong.

Ok, now you have done it. That made me cry. You said not to thank you, and I am sorry, but I am going to thank you again - your words are so very kind.

 

[adam&eve]

Ok, now you have done it. That made me cry. You said not to thank you, and I am sorry, but I am going to thank you again - your words are so very kind.

I don't know what to say. Your pain left me in utter disbelief. I am so sorry there is no refuge for you in a form of real life people so that you feel the care of others irl. I feel how hurt you are even through this media, and you need comfort in form of healthy individuals who would be by your side in these heavy times until you manage to get out of this hell. It is very tough to be alone, I think it actually makes bigger the will to CBT, so do have that in mind. You need a real life hug and friend - at last. It is just a tragedy you haven't experienced that. I had a person who made a clown out of me, lying to me and being a devil and a snake and that was hard, but the majority of other people were good to me and that kept me going. I cannot imagine the horror of it being the other way, for everyone to treat me evil and having maybe one friend, which you even don't have. Geez. This can change, love exists, love awaits you, just be strong to await it too. Something has got to change. You already have people on the net who care, as you have said, just keep on going and you will find them in your life , too. It is really dangerous to be a pure heart open for love, but it is worth it. I am really concerned about you and I am sure a lot of people on here are. You are not alone.

 

[rabbithole]

I realized I was average looking when I was around 11 and stopped looking in mirrors. Developed BDD. thought I'd never amount to anything because I wasn't beautiful.

I hate that I thought this way because it got in the way of me doing well in school and making something of myself. Maybe I wouldnt have been such a pushover and allowed that LP to be done that ruined my life. There are other qualities of value besides physical beauty. Although yeah, halo effect is real.

 

[Amumu]

I wish the bitterness and problem comparison's would stop, especially when you know nothing about somebody elses life. You can never truely feel how another person feels, only empathise at best.

Unfortunately it's never going to end, since 20% of the threads on SS are about looks
So logically looks make people fucking suicidal, therefore looks mean something, right.
This is a very serious issue, it's high time we realised it.
People are going to do the same arguments with other new people.
We'll have the "looks fix everything" vs "looks mean nothing", as always. Sad.

 

[greebo6]

I hate my looks I'm probably the ugliest guy on SS.

If its any consolation at all.....No your probably not. That particular unfortunate accolade probably goes to me.

 

[sadstuffie]

people on the internet & irl tell me things like "you're too pretty to be so sad all the time". it's a bit insulting to suggest that my feelings arent real just because I might fit their idea of beauty.

 

[Weary Soul]

Just an FYI -

I know that I am a stranger on the internet and my story may seem too bizarre to be believed or that it is a sob story where I am crying victim. It is not.

For these reasons, I have uploaded an x-ray of my skull post-craniotomy that shows what I now live with (I swear the surgeon was bored and played tic tac toe with the titanium wires and screws that are holding my skull together .)

Please know, I am not accusing anyone of stating that I am lying, but I am well versed in fraudulent behavior on the internet.

Thank you so much for all of the support people,

You are all beautiful to me no matter what you look like on the outside, and I am truly sorry that life has brought you here.

​

Take care people :)
<3

 

[adam&eve]

People are going to do the same arguments with other new people.
We'll have the "looks fix everything" vs "looks mean nothing", as always. Sad.

well, for some it would fix all the problems, for those who's main reason for CTB would be their body image.

Just an FYI -

I know that I am a stranger on the internet and my story may seem too bizarre to be believed or that it is a sob story where I am crying victim. It is not.

For these reasons, I have uploaded an x-ray of my skull post-craniotomy that shows what I now live with (I swear the surgeon was bored and played tic tac toe with the titanium wires and screws that are holding my skull together .)

Please know, I am not accusing anyone of stating that I am lying, but I am well versed in fraudulent behavior on the internet.

Thank you so much for all of the support people,

You are all beautiful to me no matter what you look like on the outside, and I am truly sorry that life has brought you here.

View attachment 57163​

Take care people :)
<3

It would be better if it just were a nightmare and everything was fine and you wouldn't have to deal with it.
Take care <3

 

[woknows]

This might sound stupid but...it's actually kind of hurtful to hear people say that looks don't matter when my life has been decimated by my physical appearance. There are definitely sexist/misogynistic undertones to some of these comments, but as an ugly woman, let me just say that being unattractive is incredibly painful given that our worth to society is based on what we look like. If you're an ugly woman, you're viewed and treated as trash, or better yet, completely invisible and as if you don't exist. Just like OP said, attractive women who CTB get far greater attention in the news compared to others, and that's a reflection of the value that we place on beautiful people.

I 100% agree that being attractive doesn't solve all problems, that mental illness doesn't discriminate, and that all pain is valid and real, regardless of what someone looks like...but like..."pretty privilege" definitely exists. It just seems like it's always attractive people who think that looks don't mean anything I hope I didn't come across as being dismissive of attractive people's problems. I guess I just wanted to say that being ugly is another layer in the shit sandwich that is life.

Are you even sure that you are unattractive? I met one girl. While she is not the prettiest girl in the world. I like her world view, her interests, and how passionate she is about them. I like how smart she is. While she is not as pretty as some girls, her brilliance compensates completely.

 

[Amumu]

well, for some it would fix all the problems, for those who's main reason for CTB would be their body image.

Fair enough, thanks for pointing out.
Let's say the "looks fix everything for everyone" vs the "looks mean nothing" then

Just an FYI -

I know that I am a stranger on the internet and my story may seem too bizarre to be believed or that it is a sob story where I am crying victim. It is not.

For these reasons, I have uploaded an x-ray of my skull post-craniotomy that shows what I now live with (I swear the surgeon was bored and played tic tac toe with the titanium wires and screws that are holding my skull together .)

Please know, I am not accusing anyone of stating that I am lying, but I am well versed in fraudulent behavior on the internet.

Thank you so much for all of the support people,

You are all beautiful to me no matter what you look like on the outside, and I am truly sorry that life has brought you here.

View attachment 57163​

Take care people :)
<3

No you take care

 

[stygal]

For me personally looks didn't matter or changed anything.

I was ignored and bullied during my school years for being tall/disabled and maybe strange looking.

That's why after school I started working out obsessively and lost a bunch of weight while simultaneously starting to get dressed in a more fashionable way - the outcome was that I was still ignored in groups and never found a way to be able to connect to more people.
It's true that I dated during this "prime" time but I also dated in my last years of school before my big weight loss and back then I even had a nicer partner who told me I was beautiful just the way I was.

And in both phases I was similarly depressed (when being "prettier" probably a bit more cause of the pressure to obtain it).

 

[hellodarkness]

The grass is always greener. I had a friend of mine once, who is a psychologist, tell me after my schizophrenia diagnosis that "It makes sense, you were too perfect. All the pretty ones are crazy."

But thankfully BDD got my back so I can hate myself no matter what lol

 

[LastFlowers]

The grass is always greener. I had a friend of mine once, who is a psychologist, tell me after my schizophrenia diagnosis that "It makes sense, you were too perfect. All the pretty ones are crazy."

But thankfully BDD got my back so I can hate myself no matter what lol

Absolutely not. The grass is only greener on one side when it comes to appearances. You don't want to be the opposite of "the pretty one". Let's be real here. It would be false and insulting to say otherwise, and you have.

If you actually had BDD and thought you were ugly, you would not give any credence to your friend's words nor bring them up in the manner that you have. It shows that you are well aware you are good looking, which BDD sufferers, by practice, would not be. Your friend sounds like a ridiculous person also, what a stupid thing to insinuate that it's the beautiful and perfect people who are the ones who have mental issues. "All" of them. It erases the fact that the opposite is true, how do you think the people who are diagnosed with schizophrenia or otherwise, who are also unattractive feel?
Those who have the looks have miles more privilege and doors open for them versus the inverse. Not saying they don't have other reasons to end their lives or suffer, but they aren't going to kill themselves because they are pretty. It is the people who are NOT who sometimes end their lives for that very reason. It causes immense suffering and discrimination, even in the smaller doses.

You know, this is one of those topics related to ctb that many people on this forum are still extremely cold and dismissive of. I see it every time a thread like this is started, yet nearly every other topic gets support no matter what.
Which is insane to me considering what type of world we live in and how human beings are so hyper aware and focused on appearance. Even on the subconscious level. I can't help but wonder if it's simply the attractive people who take some offense to this, as if their suffering is being subtracted from and they need to do anything to gain back the spotlight they are so used to. Usually I am a little more diplomatic on here but at a certain point, one has enough of the bullshit. And concerning this subject matter, I am not budging.

 

[muffin222]

Given the choice of a beautiful woman or one with a personality and is fun to be with l'll take the one with a personality anyday, looks really don't mean shit to me!

I don't understand this pervasive idea that beautiful women have no personality. Why would someone's looks make them have "no personality?"

There are attractive women with vibrant, fun-loving personalities, unattractive women with dull, lifeless personalities, and everything in between because humans are diverse.

Being pretty doesn't automatically equate to having no personality. I hate this idea and how common it appears to be in society; it makes zero sense.

 

[262653]

I don't understand this pervasive idea that beautiful women have no personality. Why would someone's looks make them have "no personality?"

There are attractive women with vibrant, fun-loving personalities, unattractive women with dull, lifeless personalities, and everything in between because humans are diverse.

Being pretty doesn't automatically equate to having no personality. I hate this idea and how common it appears to be in society; it makes zero sense.

I'm assuming the poster meant to describe his priorities when choosing for a partner. Also, I'm assuming that people who have both commonly desirable looks and personalities are in high demand on dating market, so there is an intense competition involved. It's like finding a man who is both good looking and a good provider.

 

[Amumu]

This, my friend, this...

Not saying they don't have other reasons to end their lives or suffer, but they aren't going to kill themselves because they are pretty. It is the people who are NOT who sometimes end their lives for that very reason. It causes immense suffering and discrimination, even in the smaller doses.

You know, this is one of those topics related to ctb that many people on this forum are still extremely cold and dismissive of. I see it every time a thread like this is started, yet nearly every other topic gets support no matter what.

Which is insane to me considering what type of world we live in and how human beings are so hyper aware and focused on appearance. Even on the subconscious level.

We should put these sentences where everyone could see it. God. It made me feel really good.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

I'm assuming the poster meant to describe his priorities when choosing for a partner. Also, I'm assuming that people who have both commonly desirable looks and personalities are in high demand on dating market, so there is an intense competition involved. It's like finding a man who is both good looking and a good provider.

Burzolog, You got it spot on, finding a attractive woman with a compatible personality is harder than it sounds and l was merely stating if having to choose l would choose a woman with a compatible personality, as l said in my original post Looks are Not the top of the list for me when choosing a partner. Also l don't believe in "ugly" as all woman to me are beautiful. I hope l haven't offended any females on here and if l have then l sincerely apologise! Happy new year to you Burzolog

I was raised by an extremely abusive father, covertly abusive mother, and had a sociopathic brother.

The man-child I eventually married has severe rage issues. He broke my ribs and caused the most severe of the TBIs I had (an internal brain bleed - acute on chronic subdural hematoma). I needed an emergency craniotomy, was in the hospital for a month, and in a coma and on life support for ~2 weeks. I was not expected to live (I wish I had not),

It did not stop there. A year and a half ago, I was given a med in the hospital that I should not have been given because of my condition (and this was clearly stated in the packed insert). Within 45 minutes of taking the med, I had a grand mal seizure where I sustained yet another severe head injury and crushed a tooth when I fell from a standing position to a concrete floor. Afterwards, I was staying with my ex's 80+ year-old mother because I needed to be watched for additional seizures. She was a former nurse and I had no where else to go.

One night, about 2-3 weeks after the in-hospital seizure, I was in a lot of pain and told him that I was too tired walk the dogs that night and that I would take them out to the yard instead.

Oh wow, he screamed at me at the top of his lungs calling me every nasty name you can think of. When I tried to walk away to avoid his rage, he followed me all the while continuing to scream at the top of his lungs and then shoved me so hard that I stumbled backwards hard, and almost hit my head yet again.

When I told him that that what he had done was assault, he replied "No it isn't, I didn't hurt you." I responded "Oh yes it is," and I kid you not, within 2 seconds he looked down at the floor and lied saying: "I never touched you." Gaslighting at its best.

Because of all of the abusers in my life, the bullying, the assaults, etc ad nauseam, I am pretty much a recluse now. I do realize that because of my early life I was predisposed to marry someone similar to my biologic abusers, and even though I knew this, I STILL fell into that pattern (mad at myself there).

So now I have huge trust issues, feel completely and utterly broken, and want to end my existence. Although, like you, I have found a refuge in this place :)

At this time, I do not want others in my life - not because they are abusive per se, but because I no longer trust my judgment.

Sighs.... I apologize for the long post. Thank you for thinking of me and your kindness, it means more than I can adequately convey.

Weary Soul, l have just read your post and it made me cry because as a man l am shocked and ashamed of my fellow mankind's behaviour,No self Respecting Man would ever behave like that towards a woman and those that do should be hung up by the balls(if they have any?) On Behalf of "decent men" everywhere l apologize for my fellow man's behaviour towards you, l hope your in a safer place now and away from those disgusting males! Bless you and Please have a lovely new year.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

I don't understand this pervasive idea that beautiful women have no personality. Why would someone's looks make them have "no personality?"

There are attractive women with vibrant, fun-loving personalities, unattractive women with dull, lifeless personalities, and everything in between because humans are diverse.

Being pretty doesn't automatically equate to having no personality. I hate this idea and how common it appears to be in society; it makes zero sense.

Muffin222, You have completely misunderstood my post! I have clarified it to Burzolog!

 

[demuic]

Absolutely not. The grass is only greener on one side when it comes to appearances. You don't want to be the opposite of "the pretty one". Let's be real here. It would be false and insulting to say otherwise, and you have.

If you actually had BDD and thought you were ugly, you would not give any credence to your friend's words nor bring them up in the manner that you have. It shows that you are well aware you are good looking, which BDD sufferers, by practice, would not be. Your friend sounds like a ridiculous person also, what a stupid thing to insinuate that it's the beautiful and perfect people who are the ones who have mental issues. "All" of them. It erases the fact that the opposite is true, how do you think the people who are diagnosed with schizophrenia or otherwise, who are also unattractive feel?
Those who have the looks have miles more privilege and doors open for them versus the inverse. Not saying they don't have other reasons to end their lives or suffer, but they aren't going to kill themselves because they are pretty. It is the people who are NOT who sometimes end their lives for that very reason. It causes immense suffering and discrimination, even in the smaller doses.

You know, this is one of those topics related to ctb that many people on this forum are still extremely cold and dismissive of. I see it every time a thread like this is started, yet nearly every other topic gets support no matter what.
Which is insane to me considering what type of world we live in and how human beings are so hyper aware and focused on appearance. Even on the subconscious level. I can't help but wonder if it's simply the attractive people who take some offense to this, as if their suffering is being subtracted from and they need to do anything to gain back the spotlight they are so used to. Usually I am a little more diplomatic on here but at a certain point, one has enough of the bullshit. And concerning this subject matter, I am not budging.

It's you who sounds cold and dismissive tbh. You clearly have not understand any of the struggles of people who are deemed "attractive" by society's standards. It's not so simple.

I wish the bitterness and problem comparison's would stop, especially when you know nothing about somebody elses life. You can never truely feel how another person feels, only empathise at best.

Yes, it keeps coming up in threads like this. Okay, let's say someone has it "worse" than someone else. Now what? They are not allowed to complain because someone else has gone through something else? There is probably someone who has it even worse than that person, so now they're not allowed to complain, and so on, ad infinitum. It only seems to be used as a method to try and silence others.

You rarely hear anyone say "stop being happy, someone else has it better than you."

 

[Gnip]

Didn't matter how good looking I became, or how beautiful the girls were who constantly were hitting on me. Severe congenital obstructive sleep apnea, extreme attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and Asperger's all conspired to absolutely strip me of the ability to sleep, use my mind and brain effectively and socialize. The potential for enjoying life never existed.

The rare best times of my life were always spent alone, hiking in the woods, bicycling, riding trail motorcycles off-road, with pets, reading sometimes, playing musical instruments and a variety of solitary activities where what I looked like was simply not a consideration.

Enjoying life was simply never an option since I could not sleep and rest, could not concentrate, or tune into the wave lengths of other people. There has never been a human being who could have possibly enjoyed a good life with my combination of medical conditions, so matter what they looked or sounded like.

Anybody who ignorantly suggests "But you're too handsome/pretty to be depressed/suicidal" deserves to get bashed with a brass knuckle punch in the face!

I have no energy, no ability to sleep, concentrate or focus. My body is in pain from bone spurs in my neck and back. Youth, intelligence and good looks were less than worthless compensations for all those deficiencies.

Somebody I knew was a Penthouse model who was better looking than any female celebrity I have seen. This friend of mine also inherited alcoholism from her abusive father and she wanted to be dead.

Great wealth would not have changed her situation or mine. We were still cursed from birth with incurable conditions which totally ruined any chance either of us had at enjoying life.

 

[Weary Soul]

Didn't matter how good looking I became, or how beautiful the girls were who constantly were hitting on me. Severe congenital obstructive sleep apnea, extreme attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and Asperger's all conspired to absolutely strip me of the ability to sleep, use my mind and brain effectively and socialize. The potential for enjoying life never existed.

The rare best times of my life were always spent alone, hiking in the woods, bicycling, riding trail motorcycles off-road, with pets, reading sometimes, playing musical instruments and a variety of solitary activities where what I looked like was simply not a consideration.

Enjoying life was simply never an option since I could not sleep and rest, could not concentrate, or tune into the wave lengths of other people. There has never been a human being who could have possibly enjoyed a good life with my combination of medical conditions, so matter what they looked or sounded like.

Anybody who ignorantly suggests "But you're too handsome/pretty to be depressed/suicidal" deserves to get bashed with a brass knuckle punch in the face!

I have no energy, no ability to sleep, concentrate or focus. My body is in pain from bone spurs in my neck and back. Youth, intelligence and good looks were less than worthless compensations for all those deficiencies.

Somebody I knew was a Penthouse model who was better looking than any female celebrity I have seen. This friend of mine also inherited alcoholism from her abusive father and she wanted to be dead.

Great wealth would not have changed her situation or mine. We were still cursed from birth with incurable conditions which totally ruined any chance either of us had at enjoying life.

I just wanted to let you know that I responded to your post with like because of this: If anyone suggests "But you're too handsome/pretty to be depressed/suicidal" deserves to get bashed with a brass knuckle punch in the face!

I am not violent by nature - but I so agree that this is a completely ludicrous assumption and reinforces the misguided thoughts IMO) of beauty in our society.

I am so sorry you went/are going through all of this.

<3

 

[Disappointered]

Of course it's better to be beautiful (and tall if male). But quality of life is based on many interactive contextual factors that become subjective experiences to the experiencer. That's why there are many people who have some advantages that everyone can see they have but who are still suffering, for other reasons that have trumped the advantage of say, being beautiful. All other things being equal, yeah beautiful is better, rich is better. But for each person there are so many other factors that you can never know just how hard their life is from looking at them.

 

[Gnip]

I just wanted to let you know that I responded to your post with like because of this: If anyone suggests "But you're too handsome/pretty to be depressed/suicidal" deserves to get bashed with a brass knuckle punch in the face!

I am not violent by nature - but I so agree that this is a completely ludicrous assumption and reinforces the misguided thoughts IMO) of beauty in our society.

I am so sorry you went/are going through all of this.

<3

I am not violent by nature either (and as a Ritalin skinny boy, I was far too weak to be able to defend myself against beatings from other boys and also some extremely nasty and vicious girls), but I quickly learned that when a boy is not violent, others assume that boy is available to be bullied. I truly wish I had never been forced to attend school by legislative fiat, and am PROUD to be a recipient of disability benefits because these are reparations the government OWES me for causing my life to be destroyed in large part because I was required to be abused and bullied by their public school system.

Once my first teachers and elementary school principal father set the pattern of bullying in my life, school and work were all sheer hell, and looking and sounding like a rock star (specifically, I was a young Jim Morrison's doppelgänger) did not help one damned bit. I am RELIEVED to be NEET, since all of that was nothing more than relentlessly degrading torture and torment.

The fact I am a loyal member of Sanctioned Suicide should speak for itself. And the best thing anybody can do is not reproduce, so there is no possibility of further suffering being passed forward. Under no circumstances would I ever contemplate losing my virginity without first undergoing a no scalpel vasectomy (but I expect and intend to die a virgin.

Plenty of us are here because anthropological "perfection" is completely worthless, and in come cases less than worthless.