Venting BDD destroyed my life

[franos666]

I need some tips for my situation.

I think my life would be decent if I were more handsome and accepted myself. I have BDD that makes me constantly worried about my apperance and it destroys my mental health.

Why i think my life would be decent if not BDD?
I have slighty above avarage IQ
I have plan for the future to become paramedic
I have friends and I am not shy as I used to be
I live in good country, have home and money
My body looks normal, I am skinny and 6'1ft
I am young (18yo) and healthy

If only I accepted my face I think my life would be very different but I am not able to do it. My therapist doesn't even help me. She says that I am handsome and I just shouldn't worry about how I look but it doesn't work at all and I don't trust her. She also admited that she doesn't have any experience with BDD. I've been taking SSRI for 8 months and it reduced my social anxiety but not BDD. I think that my father is mainly responsible for state of my mental health because he was very often toxic towards me.

This thought that my life would be so much better If I didn't have BDD is so painful. I've been thinking about hanging myself for so long because I feel very depressed

 

[VanillaCake]

I think changing therapist might be worth trying. You don't seem to trust her (which imo is important in therapy) and she seldom admitted to not having experience with BDD (and thus perhaps not the right approach for it).

You seem to be well aware of all the positive things in your life (apart from BDD) so perhaps there's still hope for you.

You are in a lot of pain and deserve to be free from it

 

[No-name]

Hey I struggles with BDD when younger, I believe 13 years ago. I was about 24. I went on anyway and didnt regret it. 18 years is a bit young to die. It would be great if you could stay a little longer. I was done back then, also got Nembutal in house and ready to go.
But my parents and brother stopped me back then. They are dead now. Back then I had severe anger, because I felt so misunderstood and the suffering was intense.

I got rid of BDD for more then 10 years and travelled the world, even had a girfriend for a short while. Finished my study, helped people and watched my family members die unfortunatly.

The trick is not to think of yourself as great, but try to see yourself as oke. The 6. Because that is what you are. No one is really ugly, some people are very pretty and asured. its that one or more imperfection is what we obsess about.

Also never let anyone tell you your not beautifull on the inside. Your already self reflecting it might be your dad that got you thinking your not oke. But really you are. Have you seen al the scumbags in the world walking around and you want to be a paramatic.

Your already doing a few things very good, not dead yet, seeking help. Thinking positive. Trying to know yourself.
Another thing to try is going to the gym. You turn one obsession into one you can control, that reduces fear and OCD.

That said, I know the pain of BDD. It is severe, it is way up there with all the other terrible mental states. Just the whole obsession and keep going to the mirror, in my case getting new scars, trying to get rid of the scars. Its a very painfull spiral. I am not sure how, but try to break the spiral. Even if it means getting the mirror out of the house.
You can also try to compensate by dressing very nice, getting smart, going to the gym. Helping others. Read lots of philosophy. If you can break the spiral, you could still have some great years. Perfection is made for heaven, not this place we are at.

If you are smart, and challenge it with your wits and strenght. you ll have a good chance of getting out of it and maybe even leave a dark website like this.