Venting Attempting partial for real tonight

[VisionW0lf]

I have everything I need, done multiple practise runs, managed to find that sweet spot finally.

I was supposed to do it on Friday but my dad ended up staying home, I didn't plan on doing it in the house but if he noticed me leaving it would have raised too many questions.
Saturday I got this close but didn't end up going through with it. Sunday and last night I was partying with friends so no good opportunity.
Today has to be it. If I don't get it done tonight I know I will be put in a psych ward, been there, done that more than once. If anything it just make things worse and I'll still be under intense scrutiny for a long time after I get out.

I'm so tired. I've been fighting all my life and I literally have nothing left to give, it feels like my bones are already in the ground disintegrating.
The threat of failure has been the only thing stopping me for the last decade but there's really only the 2 options now.

I just hope that I can finally get some peace, along with those of you that are searching xx

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Godspeed.

 

[avalokitesvara]

Take care. I hope you find the peace you're looking for

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

In what kind of country do you life, were people are put against there will in a psych ward and under scrutinity only for being suicidal? I thought this is only justified if you are a danger on others and suicide is basically legal. Your example shows, that that practice drives persons concerned to suicide.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

In what kind of country do you life, were people are put against there will in a psych ward and under scrutinity only for being suicidal? I thought this is only justified if you are a danger on others and suicide is basically legal. Your example shows, that that practice drives persons concerned to suicide.

No, they deem you as a danger to yourself and "lacking capacity/zero capacity" (which is total shit), because you want to kill yourself. The UK is like this. England is at least, I doubt Scotland is any better

 

[VisionW0lf]

In what kind of country do you life, were people are put against there will in a psych ward and under scrutinity only for being suicidal? I thought this is only justified if you are a danger on others and suicide is basically legal. Your example shows, that that practice drives persons concerned to suicide.

I'm in Australia, generally consider ourselves a 'progressive' society but I think it's horseshit, pro-lifers in every direction here. Being a 'threat to human life' no matter who it is can be enough. I genuinely believe people should have the right to do what they want with their own bodies and I don't want anything to do with mine anymore

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best and I hope you find the peace you are looking for, I understand feeling so tired of suffering in this existence.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

May you find peace and quiet within, and no more fighting. Sending you love

 

[VisionW0lf]

I couldn't do it and I don't know why. Maybe I was too drunk, I was just wandering the streets until the sun came up.
I got fucked up on drugs for New Year's, had a good time but work called my aunt (emergency contact) because I hadn't been in and didn't contact them so I ended up in the ward for nearly a week. I've been in a residential program since then but they're discharging me to my sister's care today. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it/wishing I had gone through with it and I really can't understand why I didn't. I know nothing has changed. I just feel so weak