At this point I'll go for the messy and painful route

[AfriQuark]

I do not belong anywhere, and at this point, I am 100% convinced of this. I don't enjoy myself when socialising, and I feel like a nuisance when I'm in other people's presence.. I just feel isolated. It's painful.

I don't know what people expect of me, but I'm doing exactly what I'm told. Making eye contact, listening to people, and trying to be careful with what to say. Responding to questions and building off them. Talking about myself in relevant ways. Asking questions about people. Giving casual compliments about their outfits. Just acting like a normal. But I'm unwanted.

It's painful. Genuinely painful to just exist like this. Is chronic yet I'm never quite used to this. So I think I'll just try the messy route out of pure desperation. The attempts might be agonizing but once it happens it can't be stopped hopefully and I'll be dead. The only thing I have in abundance is bleach. And cleaning products. Maybe I can buy some strong cleaning chemicals.

Yes I know it will hurt and burn through. But I'm desperate. I cannot get nitrite. And since I live with my parents I cannot hang myself without getting caught. And I don't own a gun. There's jumping. But unless I get myself drunk that's not happening either. But I need to go

Every day my mental health slips more. I feel worse. I think worse. But I'm still functional enough to make decisions.

 

[cursedlife]

Please don't do bleach,the chances of you dying will be low and you could end up in worse situation.

 

[AfriQuark]

Please don't do bleach,the chances of you dying will be low and you could end up in worse situation.

Okay. What's the best solution

 

[BigBang1]

I feel my self in the same situation. Not even strong to let you a decent leaving. I understand the urge, I really do. But we both know that bleach would only end up really bad for you short and long term

 

[knickknack81]

It's not just messy and painful, it's also unlikely to do the job. It will mostly make you very sick, seriously mess up your organs, and you will be alive but worse off than before. Which will make things even more difficult to CTB. Not trying to discourage you, just would hate for you to make things worse. I know its easier said then done but Id highly recommend using this site to find another method. I'm sorry yr options are limited. Wishing you the best.

 

[cursedlife]

Okay. What's the best solution

I can't tell you which method is best for you ,you have to make that decision for yourself, there are several methods with high lethality , I suggest you search for each method and decide for yourself

 

[d4isy]

same except i have to resort to partial hanging. i find it terrifying but it's my only option.

 

[WallTermite]

I know you are suffering, but DON'T try bleach or anything similar. It's likely not to work but the damage could be permanent.

 

[passedawayinapril]

I do not belong anywhere, and at this point, I am 100% convinced of this. I don't enjoy myself when socialising, and I feel like a nuisance when I'm in other people's presence.. I just feel isolated. It's painful.

I don't know what people expect of me, but I'm doing exactly what I'm told. Making eye contact, listening to people, and trying to be careful with what to say. Responding to questions and building off them. Talking about myself in relevant ways. Asking questions about people. Giving casual compliments about their outfits. Just acting like a normal. But I'm unwanted.

It's painful. Genuinely painful to just exist like this. Is chronic yet I'm never quite used to this. So I think I'll just try the messy route out of pure desperation. The attempts might be agonizing but once it happens it can't be stopped hopefully and I'll be dead. The only thing I have in abundance is bleach. And cleaning products. Maybe I can buy some strong cleaning chemicals.

Yes I know it will hurt and burn through. But I'm desperate. I cannot get nitrite. And since I live with my parents I cannot hang myself without getting caught. And I don't own a gun. There's jumping. But unless I get myself drunk that's not happening either. But I need to go

Every day my mental health slips more. I feel worse. I think worse. But I'm still functional enough to make decisions.

Since you said "messy", booking a hotel room at the last floor would guarantee suicide. If you choose to commit suicide and you truly consider it, then you should also consider a method that has high chances to terminate you. I don't think bleach would be effective.