Story Ascension

[purplesmoothie]

Oh really, that's possible, without colour lenses ? Did they get clearer ? Looks like time to go out and become the queen of the night :) My eyes turned from grey-green young to green-yellow but just over time, as normal maturation. My ex used to comment they look like sunflowers.

You're right about the mindset to take care of yourself first, as a respect before presenting yourself in front of others.

Becoming vegan is certainly not a light commitment. There are many nutrients which are found in high proportions in animal based products because they've been processed in these organisms beforehand. The more I read lately, the more I discover it's definitely needed to have an well-rounded knowledge about nutrition to transition. Doing things poorly, the deficiencies can be real and more global than what the vegan propaganda narrows it down.
That said, all things considered, if you manage to balance the plant based diet, you could achieve tremendous benefits. It is proven that a low carbs' regimen can be much more efficiently healthy than a low fat one where the focus is at measuring down calories. Some keto adepts eat like pigs (in terms of quantities) delicious food, yet still grow amazingly ripped bodies. It's ok to continue fats but important to cut down on sugars and processed foods for whole ones. By the way, fibers don't count as carbs in vegetables/fruits. The tricky part remains about proteins cause there are several types (7 I think) which isolated are inefficient so you've got to diversify the plant protein intakes and get enough.

Yeah for sure :)

 

[Viro_Major]

Looks like Zinc is also very present in meats especially. And Zinc has many purposes, also at the hormonal levels, like Testosterone which can be beneficial to women too, just not in excess.
I'll get some levels tested in about 2 weeks but already decided to supplement lightly with ZMA (Zinc Magnesium B6 cocktail) because now also paying attention to eat more healthily, but since I still consider myself uneducated about nutrition as a whole, or very partially, until I grow mastery over a balance of food, need to be careful. Will get vegan cooking eBooks soon. Not gonna lie, it's not easy to find tasty recipes which make you crave enough to commit

The last time I went here https://www.flickr.com/photos/viro_major/albums/72157715585032988 , broke my car with a serious oil leak, for the second time. Those places are accessed through rocky off-road. Unless you don't drive an elevated 4x4, it's so easy to break stuff. Yesterday, the garage I tried, based on reviews, ripped me off, performing many repairs I had not asked about. Decided to not pay him for a week to piss him off. Can't do more fuss since I'm still illegal here. Oh the small surprises of life ! When everyone battles for his survival or personal comfort, even if it means marching down on the corpse of the person next. Dammit

Got so many tasks to perform to recover, it's stressing me with tension. I have a list of duties to do which is neverending, extending as soon as I get items crossed out of it. It's the byproduct for months of neglect. But at the same time, the pressure really pushes to move forward. Changed again the order of my planning and I'm advancing some duties in time cause wanna get rid of them.
I even falsified documents in order to prepare for the long term future, in order to skip intermediary steps. I'm confident the offence is very minor (doing no harm) and never got caught so I told myself, fuck it. Was in such a deep hole, I need to take some shortcuts, and at times I got no choice in order to get out of the labyrinth I previously sinked in.
I will succeed. In july of next year, I'll be out of most of all troubles, alive and kicking, on better tracks than I've ever been before. There will be more things to fix next cause I got different stages of goals that cannot be solved all at once, but the general framework will be majorly set in place. I have zero doubt in my ability to resolve matters, except on the work aspect. There will be no in-between, it will be either hit or miss and depends strongly on my capacity to dominate some hard to control demons that I've matured over time. I hope I'll make it cause I deserve it and worked so hard so many years to get there. It's time for me to rule the shitnitz by arranging the last pieces of the puzzle so it pays off. I will want zero outside recognition, cause it goes counter-clockwise the orientation I need to maintain (keep my head on my shoulders), but I want badly that inner self-esteem of relief that I'd have become my own legend, having succeeded where most everyone fails and gave up before, because all my buddies were left behind on the path I'm following.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Oh really, that's possible, without colour lenses ? Did they get clearer ? Looks like time to go out and become the queen of the night :) My eyes turned from grey-green young to green-yellow but just over time, as normal maturation. My ex used to comment they look like sunflowers.

You're right about the mindset to take care of yourself first, as a respect before presenting yourself in front of others.

Becoming vegan is certainly not a light commitment. There are many nutrients which are found in high proportions in animal based products because they've been processed in these organisms beforehand. The more I read lately, the more I discover it's definitely needed to have an well-rounded knowledge about nutrition to transition. Doing things poorly, the deficiencies can be real and more global than what the vegan propaganda narrows it down.
That said, all things considered, if you manage to balance the plant based diet, you could achieve tremendous benefits. It is proven that a low carbs' regimen can be much more efficiently healthy than a low fat one where the focus is at measuring down calories. Some keto adepts eat like pigs (in terms of quantities) delicious food, yet still grow amazingly ripped bodies. It's ok to continue fats but important to cut down on sugars and processed foods for whole ones. By the way, fibers don't count as carbs in vegetables/fruits. The tricky part remains about proteins cause there are several types (7 I think) which isolated are inefficient so you've got to diversify the plant protein intakes and get enough.

I believe you are spot on with your diet observations there. I would like to eat a Paleolithic diet and to try a ketogenic diet too at some point beyond that, for metabolic control, but unfortunately certain practical and medical considerations make it more complicated for me.

 

[Viro_Major]

Sorry about that mate. It sucks you haven't more freedom to feed yourself. I knew people with so many strong allergies, they could barely eat, but that's a worst case scenario.

Hadn't heard of that paleolithic fashion. Interesting ! You know, it's around the corner, to mix with some sci-fi. Scientists talk about recreating mammoth clones with the goal in mind to reintroduce them in Syberia in order to fight the climate warning. In fact, these creatures would dig in the snow and in that way rebalance temperatures and help to preserve the permafrost. Get in physical shape quickly cause the hunting season is about to resume ;)

Seriously, it corresponds to some of my general goals. Be gluten free cause I was always suspicious whether or not it played a role in my depression and psyche/mood, as a heavy consumer...but here we go, as a frenchman loving bread and pastry, it's so hard to quit. There exists corn bread which I dig but hard to find, I'd need to cook it. There remains buckwheat pancakes! :)
Cutting out the sugars... definitely. At the moment I'm newly consuming it at unwise levels (weird tendency cause I always preferred salty stuff exclusively). It works like a drug.
Lastly yeah, intact living food, "unsucked" crude stuff ...and again, you need to source quality. In Spain, the vegetables and fruits, due to the excessive mass production, culture techniques and dead soils, are mostly void of properties left : so few nutrients, no taste. You'll need so many more for the same results than decades ago. Growing your own garden is the solution but time consuming. Ending in ...exchange goods and services with your neighboors... locally

Spoiler: Afriend of mine at "work"

who talked me into and showed me "persistant" plants. Ones you don't need to take care of at all. You plant them once at a good spot and you're good to go for years. No need to water them or anything, just harvest once in a while. Resistant, autonomous, that's evolution ! Some species are so cool, almost forgotten and can look or taste curiously exotic / uncommon

Rebound of the Dallas episode ! Today, u-turn again, was told that they are unaware that I left abroad for many years. They believe I still own my french licence and have no clue it has been exchanged for a foreign one, thus destroyed. To simplify things, I'm taking the decision to profit from their stupidity : monday I'll go to the police station to claim that I lost the document on the streets, and cross fingers they reissue one, without involving an exchange of papers, neither passing again the exam.

End of the story, got them to bit the hook like intended. My declaration of document lost was accepted by the administration without them realising my real situation had been way different for many years. So now I got a temporary driving licence valid for 2 months and will get a brand new formal copy within that timeframe. Deal done. Next !

 

[Viro_Major]

While sorting out my affairs, found a 3 year old blood analysis I didn't pay attention at the results.
One of my parameters is off the roof, outside of its normal range (0-100) at 1000+ ...Immunoglobulin E. It's an antibody, so probably indicates that I was trying to defend myself against a vile invisible enemy. I'll have it checked again.

My new lighter schedule of B3 continues to gives me flushes, so far so good. However, I believe that by increasing the circulation inside vessels, I have a tendency to get more reddish skin. With a little sun exposure, I believe I curiously turn quicker into a lobster, errrr or one of those roasbeef britons you always see on the ski slopes without sunscreen. Oh well, I still don't curse the same but working on it

I'll be soon one month on DHEA (max advised safe dose at 50mg) and Andractim (which I learned I could quadruple the dose eventually, so excited). It certainly helped me, although targeting very specific areas, instead of a large spectrum of benefits.

Next month is break month out of psilocybin, to counter the habituation.
I had my best trip on them 10 days ago, still from an insignificant dose at 1g, by changing the source from Wholecelium to Zamnesia. Pretty sure that the MD truffles at Wholecelium aren't fresh but rotten. I inquired about why they were so discounted and was reassured against my doubt but I suspect they're fooling around. Maybe the strain of Zamnesia is indeed different (claimed so: Mexican). Donno. The packaging look the same, but the colour is slightly lighter, the taste a tad less disgusting. Despite double the price, Zamnesia is gonna be my new shop. Cause oh mamamia, think I experienced for the first time drug love. It was magical, less so the fall cause it can trick you into thinking you suddenly became dysfunctional and make you crave for the next time. But the bliss plateau is just ahhhh, splendid / gorgeous. Hopefully, randomness will hit me once in a while with this luck.




Could I really leave this place ? Do I have the heart to ? I've desired it for quite some time, learnt to know what it was about, its culture, with passion. I've made efforts to arrive then stay here. It doesn't leave me indifferent. Humm, perplexed

 

[Viro_Major]

Bleh, changed the order of my priorities. Wanna get rid of the stuff that bothers me the most without waiting, so it'll be this month instead of november/december, in order to have my mind freed sooner.

Feeling that bizarre uneasy pressure like when I knew the vacations were ending and school was about to resume




Hmm yeah, gonna morph into a nighttime student the next weeks. Gosh, I hate maturity lol

 

[Viro_Major]

I continue to wake up earlier, now 5am. The drifting needs to stop here, that's enough thank you

edit: think I'm gonna raise from 1/2 to 1 Fluoxetine soon for exploration purpose.

So did I, 3/4 then 1 daily Fluoxetine. Hum, I don't live this upgrade well. It started to mess with my head. At 1/4 and 1/2 I wasn't noticing negatives and was finding the effect interesting, somewhat upbeat and energising but since increasing I'm more uptight and less chill. It became a weight no longer transparent. My brain is heavier and more disturbed.

I admit to be a tad puzzled by the ISRS cause I can tell they're not innocent so I'm slightly worried to adjust them right, and plainfully rely on them continuously. But I know they're key to one goal I'd be seeking ideally. Still, it's going to be complicated and I'm afraid half unwise.
So, I believe it's time to reintroduce Paroxetine as central. The downsides are that it was the most sedative and numbing, but I haven't tried a lower dose.
Maybe give another go of low Escitalopram again (coupled to Parox?!) cause it once made me playful, just way too rarely. I wouldn't compare it to Fluox though. Fluox made it rather natural, like I was me more or less neutrally, just "carried" ...Escitalopram more high for the infrequent time when it was working.
Pff I need to perform more trials and try to be attentive... undefined
Continuing some more days at 1 Fluox then if no improvement, will switch to Paroxetine independently, gradually until I reach a form of satisfaction then improvise / toy around with combinations last.

 

[Viro_Major]

Fuck, I'm not going well since 2 days, even worse today.

I quit abruptly 1 Fluoxetine during one day, then resumed with 0.25 Paroxetine. The last time I switched radically between 1 Escitalopram to 1 Paroxetine, reported no issues but this time is different. Maybe I got accustomed to Fluox and getting some withdrawal symptoms ?
I now recognise the various footprint of molecules and can tell differences. Paroxetine is special on it's own. It attacks more my brain. Also had diarrhea like when I started, like with Escitalopram. But it's really the head which is being worked on with a sort of headache, sucking out the cognition, a lower mood, tired.
Overall, 0.5 Fluox sure felt nice from start to finish. Transparent in terms of sensations except turning you into an upbeat version, giving energy, but doesn't fully corresponds to my research.

Anyway, hard transition ! Don't imitate my daring recklessness

Switching Antidepressants: Strategies, Side Effects, and More

Switching antidepressants needs to be done carefully and with the help of your doctor. Learn more here.

www.healthline.com

NB: lost 2 kilos in august, down to 78.5 kg at min, which didn't happen since forever. Did absolutely zero sport, just careful on food. Some supplements I take just have fat burning properties. I could really do better in this field. With some knowledge, it's appears really easy to shape your body mass, even without a strong will.

I'm still at an organisational phase. Don't yet have time to apply all the plans but will slowly get there.
I was supposed to begin lots more supplements this new month, but failed to source them, even though it's been 10 days since I made the efforts to seek supply. Next time, I'll rely of an advance on 1 month. I use Purse.io to shop at Amazon and got unlucky, no BTC earners purchased my offers.

 

[Viro_Major]

Grr again a 300€ phone bill due to all the administrative phone calls. Now I remember that the only ISP here, not in monopoly situation, invented mobile phone subscriptions at 1k/mo. Sickos !

 

[Viro_Major]

F**k ! Soz, I had to release it somewhere

Don't have those desktop punching ball handy. That would have done the trick, without the cursing

 

[Viro_Major]

Initial results of new blood tests arrived and all the parameters improved or are stable. Most importantly, my blood didn't thin so I can try to double the dose of Testo cream.

Like I wrote earlier, I had IgE antibodies 10 times in excess of the max range. I learned that IgE was related to asthma & allergies principally, which make sense with my history. They got divided by 5, prolly because of the anti-inflammatory / anti-allergen supplements I take (for instance Turmeric & Propolis, Omega 3) that helped. In the end, my analysis to cure these naturally appears a good intention, certainly not worse than pharmacy stuff. I'm surely not lacking breath at the moment. I feel disturbance free (respiratory wise)

On another note, Fluoxetine was too good to drop, way above Paroxetine which doesn't produce any feel good effect at all. I'm switching back again (at a too rapid pace, I know), despite a drawback that puzzles me. I've got several ideas to top it to achieve a balance but my plan is too personal to detail. Let's just say, I'm engaging myself in a new journey of 2-3 years, with a target that I failed constantly at maintaining the last 15 years, with the hope it will be a good match to compensate some Fluoxetine side effects. Hope to get a better grip at the routine's constraint than I did before (made some adjustments).
Actually, got 2 routes to explore, to be precise.
Plus, I will still try to do some mixing with other ADs at low dose to be prudent.

My B12 levels are under control, (at least) on a vegetarian diet, without supplementing. Waiting for B3 results with anxiety.

I begun saffron extract and tried triple dose as a test but didn't feel special noticeably.

Overall, I feel less amazing than I did some weeks ago. The high of the regimen faded but to nuance this observation, I've been definitely on a lighter schedule due to a few pauses to prevent "addiction", sourcing issues, as well as an inconsistent discipline. I'm persuaded that some very small details count a lot, like the stable spacing of the intakes at fixed times, or drink plenty enough of water making a true difference, etc

In conclusion, I raised some of my ambitions for the next year to irrealistic levels. By aiming at the moon, in case of failure, I won't end up on the stars but in the deep dark space. At least the challenge will keep me busy, with some entertainment, and some kill joy pressure too lol
Finely explained : "Call me crazy if I fail, call me genius if I succeed"




=========

Morning :
* 5:30am, wake-up
* contrast shower
* Andractim cream (on prescription), 5mg
* herbal adaptogen powder complex of Ashwaghanda (KSM-66), 300mg + Rhodiola Rosea (3% Rosavins & 1 % Salidrosides), 200 mg + Schisandra berry (200mg) + green tea (120mg) + L-Theanine (80mg) + Matcha green tea (1100mg), Ceylon Cinnamon, as warm latte drink with coconut milk
* DHEA, 50mg
* monday + wednesday + friday, hallucinogenic truffles (illegal), about Maakali strain, 1g, 10 weeks on (cause freshness) >> 3 weeks off (cause tolerance)
* Lion's Mane (NGF - Neuro Growth Factor - Hericenones), 2x 425mg
* vitamin B3 Niacin - acid nicotinic type (flush effect), 1x 50mg, except on monday/wednesday/friday then 3x 50mg
* L-Citrulline, powder 2g
* experimental evening drink preparation : water 460ml + heaped teaspoon of valerian root - 2g ? + honey + alternating between fresh crushed garlic or lemon balm on&off, let it rest cold infuse for the day
* secret weapon
* until 8am, entertainment + meditation
* water (glass bottles, not plastic), 730ml

Day / work :
* as much as possible spent outside (balcony / nature / traveling), in the fresh air + sun (equipment: portable 4G antenna + MiFi domino + multi screen laptop & tablet with sun protection caps + trackball)
* pre-work preparation : mental visualisation exercices
* closed / locked environnement without disturbances
* bluetooth enabled closed headset with noise canceling
* gaming glasses (blue light filter)

Afternoon :
* preferably in advance of physical activity
- Propolis, 1x 1000mg, on tuesday/thursday/saturday/sunday
- L-Citrulline, powder 2g
* water, 730ml

Sport :
* tuesday + thursday + saturday/sunday, High-Intensity Interval Training (/rarely, cardio effort)
* after, plant protein blends (alternating enhancers: Turmeric & Bioperine, omega seeds, botanical essentials / Boswellia Serrata, electrolytes, enzymes, probiotics-bacterias), 33g with almond milk & smoothie
* water, 730ml

"Afterwork" :
* bio saffron w/ 2% safranal & 3% crocines, 1x 30mg
* monday + friday, Tadalafil 20mg

Evening :
* 10:30/10:50pm
- Fluoxetine 10mg (20mg cut in two) + Paroxetine 5mg (20mg cut in 4)
- Turmeric with 95% Curcuminoids & Bioperine for assimilation, 1x 500mg
- Omega 3 DHA + EPA from algae oil, 2x 400mg
- only the days unexposed to the sun during 15+ minutes partly naked, vitamin D3, 4000 IU + vitamin K2 mk7, 125 mcg
(- vitamin B12 (with Bioperine), 1500mcg, if period dominated by vegan diet)
- L-Citrulline, powder 2g
- reading
* 11:40pm
- evening drink prepared in the morning
- aromatherapy, drops of lavender essential heated w/ candle & applied behind the ears, on the cheeks, forehead & ankles
- eye mask
- water, 460ml

 

[Deleted member 1465]

That is one remarkable regime to hack your physiology. I'd never manage, I can't even remember to defrost chicken the night before.

 

[Viro_Major]

You know, I forgot about the frosty chicken soup. Grandma remedies sometimes make miracles. Should have started from there :)

 

[Busdriver]

What an amazing recovery regimen. A complete overhaul of way of life.

 

[Viro_Major]

I wish I had a choice to not try everything for everything. I have no choice but to welcome big changes into my life. It's time. I've got no room to fool around anymore. The need to secure a better future is an urgency.

 

[Cherrypea]

Wow that sounds amazing but hard work, good luck.

 

[Viro_Major]

Thx ! The hard work was the research (I will share many articles soon, as support base to backup choices).
The hassle continues a bit to arrange the supply but it's planned only twice a year. Could be almost even once, cause there are so few supplements with a short expiration date (I verified).
Then the "consumption" part is quick, really. I became a master at swallowing pills. I gulp down like 3-4 at the same time if small sizes permit it (one size 000 or larger tab is a pain in the ass in comparison)

 

[Viro_Major]

Peeps find her depressing, so this is the right place for torture

 

[Viro_Major]

Booked one "vacation" week in mid-october to discover this place that has been waving at me during years.




It was actually my hesitation spot before picking this instead.




The new me considers to split his time between the 2 areas, alternating between mountain and sea, for maybe 1-2 years at least, during when I will sort my affairs straight. For the rest, we'll see, time will tell.
It just happens that Brittany is one of the most affordable places to live in France, just because it's damn remote, it only costs a bargain. Miraculously, we're talking about a lovely shithole, easily convincing, isn't it ? Let's give it a go, check whether if the charm operates...
Covid could stop me to circulate freely though, so the trip is not granted (15 hours of driving, almost as if I would drive to Sweden which I already almost did - north of Germany)
I'm going with a secret wish, that my aging mother, that I'll walk around with me, will fall in love with the place, with the eventuality in mind that I can get rid of having her on my back due to closeness, ah !! I'm evil. Forgive my sins


Will I adopt this filter shade ?

 

[Viro_Major]

Les français sont cons comme des pieds. 6 weeks that I'm trying to open a bank account but they can't process a simple request because they don't even know the definition of simple words like "co-owner" of an utility bill and argue around it. Ashamed that France can be the kingdom of insanity.

Same story for applying at a driving theorical exam, rejected twice, need to apply for a third time, due to meaningless paperwork issues. Everything goes slower than slow like a snail ffs

 

[Viro_Major]

Started Berberine and L-Citrulline today. For curiosity, decided to test the taste of each supplement. After all, maybe it can serve to cook ^^

Berberine : nasty and agressive stuff. Taste 2/10, somewhat reminding of Horny Goat Weed. Its apparent corrosiveness made me even fear to consume too much (reptilian brain reflex). No wonder it's reported to come with a very high potency
L-Citrulline (powder without capsule anyway) : everyone complains but it's more than okay, almost tasty ! but faint, a bit of a watermelon like flavour but mostly bland, 7/10, easy to swallow with water

———-I had forgotten to incoude ZMA, which I will start in october


Morning :
* 5:30am, wake-up
* contrast shower
* Andractim cream (on prescription), 5mg
* herbal adaptogen powder complex of Ashwaghanda (KSM-66), 300mg + Rhodiola Rosea (3% Rosavins & 1 % Salidrosides), 200 mg + Schisandra berry (200mg) + green tea (120mg) + L-Theanine (80mg) + Matcha green tea (1100mg), Ceylon Cinnamon, as warm latte drink with coconut milk
* DHEA, 50mg
* monday + wednesday + friday, hallucinogenic truffles (illegal), about Maakali strain, 1g, 10 weeks on (cause freshness) >> 3 weeks off (cause tolerance)
* Lion's Mane (NGF - Neuro Growth Factor - Hericenones), 2x 425mg
* vitamin B3 Niacin - acid nicotinic type (flush effect), 1x 50mg, except on monday/wednesday/friday then 3x 50mg
* L-Citrulline, powder 2g
* experimental evening drink preparation : water 460ml + heaped teaspoon of valerian root - 2g ? + honey + alternating between fresh crushed garlic or lemon balm on&off, let it rest cold infuse for the day
* secret weapon
* until 8am, entertainment + meditation
* water (glass bottles, not plastic), 730ml

Day / work :
* as much as possible spent outside (balcony / nature / traveling), in the fresh air + sun (equipment: portable 4G antenna + MiFi domino + multi screen laptop & tablet with sun protection caps + trackball)
* pre-work preparation : mental visualisation exercices
* closed / locked environnement without disturbances
* bluetooth enabled closed headset with noise canceling
* gaming glasses (blue light filter)

Afternoon :
* preferably in advance of physical activity
- Propolis, 1x 1000mg, on tuesday/thursday/saturday/sunday
- L-Citrulline, powder 2g
- ZMA, 2x 500mg
* water, 730ml

Sport :
* tuesday + thursday + saturday/sunday, High-Intensity Interval Training (/rarely, cardio effort)
* after, plant protein blends (alternating enhancers: Turmeric & Bioperine, omega seeds, botanical essentials / Boswellia Serrata, electrolytes, enzymes, probiotics-bacterias), 33g with almond milk & smoothie
* water, 730ml

"Afterwork" :
* bio saffron w/ 2% safranal & 3% crocines, 1x 30mg
* monday + friday, Tadalafil 20mg

Evening :
* 10:30/10:50pm
- Fluoxetine 10mg (20mg cut in two) + Paroxetine 5mg (20mg cut in 4)
- Turmeric with 95% Curcuminoids & Bioperine for assimilation, 1x 500mg
- Omega 3 DHA + EPA from algae oil, 2x 400mg
- only the days unexposed to the sun during 15+ minutes partly naked, vitamin D3, 4000 IU + vitamin K2 mk7, 125 mcg
(- vitamin B12 (with Bioperine), 1500mcg, if period dominated by vegan diet)
- L-Citrulline, powder 2g
- reading
* 11:40pm
- evening drink prepared in the morning
- aromatherapy, drops of lavender essential heated w/ candle & applied behind the ears, on the cheeks, forehead & ankles
- eye mask
- water, 460ml

 

[Viro_Major]

Further taste rankings, for the fun of it (I opened the capsules each time and sticked my tongue out as a guinea pig )

Lions Mane (concentrated) : Interesting. Can recognise it has a mushroom base, somehow blended with beer malt ? Neither particularly unpleasant, nor pleasant. 5/10

B3 Niacin : hum, it's an acid so it's acidic. 2/3 lemonish taste, 1/3 sour candy but not exactly, less the enjoyment (kind of dull) 4.5/5

Rhodiola Rosea : has a bit of a nutmeg experience at first, but then morphs into more harsh and disgusting, somewhere in between a mix of strong (and sour) tea leaf ...with nutweg. It's not good but it's not horrible 3.5/10 (generous note)

ZMA : gosh, no substance tastes the same. This one doesn't sound familiar to something known. I have a feeling to ingest flour, although I'm not categorical cause I don't do it often uncooked lol But it's worse than my imagination. It's dominantly foul, not overly strong or special, but nothing good. 3.5/10

DHEA : starts vaguely similar to ZMA, slightly better, but ends up worse with a sticky aftertaste. 3/10

Propolis (powder form) : as powder not compact tablets, uneven sandy texture with some "grains". Hard to describe but the footprint of bees' origin transpires. A curiosity, like appealing vomit (the bees actually vomit the gluey substance) ?! 4.5/10

Fluoxetine : tastes sweet initially, turns bitter after some time. 5.5/10

 

[Cherrypea]

Do you get flushing with the niacin?

 

[Viro_Major]

Yes, still at 50mg daily ! (mild one) I experimented with 250mg max (stronger, obviously)
Some are advised by the medical field to take a lot more to treat cholesterol but it is dangerous and can murder your liver in a few months, to the point you then need a transplant or die. Better be safe than sorry.

 

[Viro_Major]

Paroxetine : bitter but not overly strong 3.5/10

Saffron extract : well, close to saffron but definitely not as nice as the natural spice 4/10

So, what about coupling anti-depressants ? i.e. Fluoxetine 1/2 + Paroxetine 1/4, close molecules. Early verdict, I tend to be more tired at the end of the day and in the morning, more depressed, more absent minded with difficulties to reach my thoughts. Maybe this decision is pushing the buttons a bit too far.
I will continue some more but I already anticipe to swap Fluoxetine with Escitalopram cause Escitalopram has a different mechanism and work with neurotransmitters differently so it might coexist better with Fluoxetine, acting jointly instead of competitively
Hope I won't fuck myself up with the rapid cycling trials. That anti-depressant narrowing down exercice is definitely upsetting and pissing me off. I'm far to find a happy compromise entirely. To be honest, I'm even a bit scared. Brainstorming

edit : fun note - the smell of Andractim cream is almost like a manly perfume with a musk scent. I don't mind it

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Hope I won't fuck myself up with the rapid cycling trials. That anti-depressant narrowing down exercice is definitely upsetting and pissing me off. I'm far to find a happy compromise entirely. To be honest, I'm even a bit scared. Brainstorming

Personal opinion: I admire the idea of hacking you metabolism to suit you, but combining and experimenting with SSRIs that are at best poorly understood is going to have waaaaay to many unseen metabolic variables to be in any way safe. It might work, but how can you account for any long term consequences?

 

[Viro_Major]

Thanks for chiming in with care. You're right, I realise I went too far and am playing with fire. I shall calm down and cease to improvise. I had achieved great results, but couldn't get enough. In the heat of the moment, kept asking for more than perceived satisfaction, just to end up going backwards. I will apply breaks. That's correct, I cannot predict the long-term without unknowns and this is a worry. Thanks to have looked over my shoulder.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Bless you my friend, I think you are on the right track, just don't try to get too much of a good thing too fast!

I'm experimenting with various supplements at the moment for my physical issues, but I'm doing it slowly, bit by bit and one at a time, recording any changes and not mixing those changes together lest I fail to understand what's happening. It's tedious and slow but I've already made some discoveries. I do wish it was quicker, but a realistic scientific approach is sooo ponderously slow, weeks and weeks to be certain of any beneficial or deleterious effect on each supplement or medication, on each dose, and that's before you even get to interactions or contra-indications.
One thing it does do, is make me certain that doctors are wrong to simply throw medications at you all at once with little understanding of how they react in the real world.
Real self care takes time, observation and patience.

 

[Viro_Major]

So ...I stopped to take Prozac. Due to supply mishaps again, I stopped for an extended time to take different stuff which by constraint helped me to filter out what was working on me and what not. It's now pretty clear that it's the psilocybin which I react strongly with, then the concentrated Turmeric extract is largely sufficient for helping with depression and blocking negativity on top of the superpowers given by administrating truffles. It's them which make a hell of a difference. I was tricked into thinking the ADs played a sure role but not really and most importantly they come with too many pitfalls to justify the benefits. Without Prozac, I'm very fine, a lot better in control with my thoughts again that are re-expanding instead of shrinking so I'll stick here and leave it at that. I'm gonna be 90% natural from now on and barely if at all rely on synthetic stuff, except small compromises. The lack of downsides is just too good to be true and definitely worth it.

Besides, I became very much a fan of L-Citrulline (that I took up to 10g a day, since it's safe). It's about my "cheat meal" of the day since it's tasty and for general physical activity (blood flow, endurance to efforts, along these lines) well it just works. Parallel surprise, it also works wonders for boners and I'd go as far to say much better than ED pills overall. About this latest field, the main differences are that 1) no side effects 2) no anticipation whatsoever, as in, it doesn't threaten you with an uncontrollable build-up of stimulus in between activity but "on request" only and again there's no buffering sensation to have its strings pulled by forces clearly artificial. Instead, the effects are just very transparent while efficient

Recently, I've decided to start a large amount of Ginkgo Biloba to work out on miscellaneous cognitive plasticity. Coincidentally, it was not very compatible with AD regarding interaction so all good ! I'm set on a fine assembly

I continue to investigate new gear. I sure caught the fever of nootropics now. It looks as if it's going to be a permanent marriage cause without them, I'm now lost. It's only by making efforts to cure myself that I realised how much I was hit by sickness and imbalances before. i.e. clearly I was not healthy. I'm a lot more now, thus so not ready to trade backwards anytime soon.

Oh yeah, I'm also considering surgery now to enhance myself where the supplements cannot. What the fuck you may say lol exactly ! I'm just growing very open minded to treat myself good. I caught the virus of well-being to become a better version of me. Just do what I can when I can. Simplicity of processing to equal sophistication. I grew tired of finding problems where there are solutions. Sorry for the downers, I call you quit (your mindset). If you have the opportunity to and are sensitive to change, stop to work against yourself and find excuses.

edit : water water water is truly vital, plenty of it

———

Morning :
* 5:30am, wake-up
* contrast shower
* Andractim cream (on prescription), 5mg
* herbal adaptogen powder complex of Ashwaghanda (KSM-66), 300mg + Rhodiola Rosea (3% Rosavins & 1 % Salidrosides), 200 mg + Schisandra berry (200mg) + green tea (120mg) + L-Theanine (80mg) + Matcha green tea (1100mg), Ceylon Cinnamon, as warm latte drink with coconut milk
* Ginkgo Biloba, 15000 mg
* DHEA, 50mg
* monday + wednesday + friday, hallucinogenic truffles (illegal), about Maakali strain, 1g, 10 weeks on (cause freshness) >> 3 weeks off (cause tolerance)
* Lion's Mane (NGF - Neuro Growth Factor - Hericenones), 2x 425mg
* vitamin B3 Niacin - acid nicotinic type (flush effect), 1x 50mg, except on monday/wednesday/friday then 3x 50mg
* L-Citrulline, powder 2g 3g
* experimental evening drink preparation : water 460ml + heaped teaspoon of valerian root - 2g ? + honey + alternating between fresh crushed garlic or lemon balm on&off, let it rest cold infuse for the day
* secret weapon
* until 8am, entertainment + meditation
* water (glass bottles, not plastic), 730ml

Day / work :
* as much as possible spent outside (balcony / nature / traveling), in the fresh air + sun (equipment: portable 4G antenna + MiFi domino + multi screen laptop & tablet with sun protection caps + trackball)
* pre-work preparation : mental visualisation exercices
* closed / locked environnement without disturbances
* bluetooth enabled closed headset with noise canceling
* gaming glasses (blue light filter)

Afternoon :
* preferably in advance of physical activity
- Propolis, 1x 1000mg, on tuesday/thursday/saturday/sunday
- L-Citrulline, powder 2g 3g
- ZMA, 2x 500mg
* water, 730ml

Sport :
* tuesday + thursday + saturday/sunday, High-Intensity Interval Training (/rarely, cardio effort)
* after, plant protein blends (alternating enhancers: Turmeric & Bioperine, omega seeds, botanical essentials / Boswellia Serrata, electrolytes, enzymes, probiotics-bacterias), 33g with almond milk & smoothie
* water, 730ml

"Afterwork" :
* bio saffron w/ 2% safranal & 3% crocines, 30mg
* monday + friday, Tadalafil 20mg

Evening :
* 10:30/10:50pm
- Fluoxetine 10mg (20mg cut in two) + Paroxetine 5mg (20mg cut in 4)
- Turmeric with 95% Curcuminoids & Bioperine for assimilation, 500mg
- Omega 3 DHA + EPA from algae oil, 2x 400mg
- only the days unexposed to the sun during 15+ minutes partly naked, vitamin D3, 4000 IU + vitamin K2 mk7, 125 mcg
(- vitamin B12 (with Bioperine), 1500mcg, if period dominated by vegan diet)
- L-Citrulline, powder 2g 3g
- reading
* 11:40pm
- evening drink prepared in the morning
- aromatherapy, drops of lavender essential heated w/ candle & applied behind the ears, on the cheeks, forehead & ankles
- eye mask
- water, 460ml

PS: I'm all about Vcaps always

 

[Viro_Major]

hum, forgot to state the last results of the control checks I underwent. My PP (B3 Niacin) levels are just above the normality but within manageable thresholds still, which means that the custom protocol I put in place from reasoning appears about right to continue, which is a relief cause it's also a milestone of my diet
Besides, all the rest of the parameters were fine (don't quite remember every components I tested but I will redo controls frequently until my balance is set in stone routinely. I'm taking the potential "escaping trails" very seriously)

———-

Oh oh oh, the next thing I will put to the test is a wider span of street drugs. I just want to check each and every thing for myself as principal feedback. Goal is to know myself to a larger extent under various influences. After quite some reading (I was a total neophyte in the field) I narrowed it down to a shortlist of LSD, XTC/MDMA, Ketamine and DMT. I ruled (for good) out of the equation : 2C-B, Salvia, the class of cathinones (Khat), amphetamines, steroids (since I've witnessed one of our members horribly agonising after them, I might as well jump under a train), GHB (despite encouragements), Oxycodone, Meth / Cocaine obviously, broadly the opiates and opiods, the benzos, painkillers, and other worrying derivatives, alcohol ? (I only enjoy cocktails but there is just so few occasions to sip 'em lol) ...no smoking area gentlemen (weed destroyed my best friends' respiratory system by accident so I can't commit)
Various reasons, but safety first and foremost since I plan to mildly abuse my new friends with consistency if the bond gets confirmed (very enthusiastic about the promises). Also a strict guideline for selection was: everything but not which prevents me to lose control too far. I don't want to be separated from myself or incapacitated, only altered but with some kind of grip maintained.
A big big gratitude to the help and guidances I received from the likes of experimented sin buddies and flyers, principally @Brick In The Wall (thank you bro) but also @Jumper Geo for set and setting (almost a dad lol!)

PsychonautWiki

psychonautwiki.org

———-

Other pratical developments

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/rage-megathread.27811/page-8#post-929368

I continue to rebuild what was destroyed around me, slow but steady. This is the very tip of the iceberg. In fact, don't think I ever made such huge plans for the futur before. It's Halloween in my whole shaking world