Story Ascension

[enjolras]

Taking my distances from the site, for 1-2-3-what's necessary weeks (not planning), in order to get a few of my shit together, give myself some well deserved rest, plus a little brainstorming: breathe

The past month has been a thrill, but exhausting & overwhelming. Made valuable new friendships and solidified some to a great extent.

Due to getting more involved, also been approached more than I cared to handle. Please stop contacting about technicalities (methods, privacy), I've been around the world of these things. On pause, gimme some hiatus.

Not even considering the abnormalities I went through in 20 years, how many countless merciless knees down to stand up again, I grew physically weak. I need to stop playing with fire, disrespecting myself, cause it propagates to my soul. I'm noticing a deterioration in my potential abilities, which I need to cut short. I too know the signs of dangerous imbalance and there are old time mental friends I don't want to see pop again, since my will is on the rise.

Will take this time off to get some basic education covered to ignite a fresh life hygiene, which I definitely need to not capitulate. I just want a little control back, to be able to build up next, with higher improvisation.
Thanks to all the people who gave me either inspiration, support, ideas to trial. I'm on a couple tracks, gonna explore a bit. Maybe if bravery & luck strike together, I'll also stop postponing overdue promises made to myself.

Aside, being tempted to take a huge gamble on the hourglass of my futur, that will freeze me with some PTSD and likely prevent my focus. I just don't wanna be around only a quarter at disposal, also against my own interest. If I cannot be attentive at full potential, I feel barely interested & torn apart.

Deciding to give myself better chances, since some failures alongside my quests could make me lose my heart, which only would drive me deeper into statue, hibernation, if not crucifixion mode.

This represents an announcement I'm choosing to slide into recovery... May or may not keep updated of progress, but especially to get myself accountable

Special thanks to @Living sucks (Severely impressed, too many qualities to list), @K-O (...), @Mainlaender (mi hermano), even @BlackPoppet more recently, (for the taste) or @Myforevercharlie (varied perspective).
I feel empowered to stop holding my breath and hold above water again, which I had never put a Kopec at stake just moments ago




Coming up to the end
These feelings weren't always pretend
Review your whole life and you don't even have to die
Life would never leave me alone
A choice which way i wanted to go
And everything I've seen is wrong to make me what I'll be
All men
You don't need anyone
Just hold on to the end
And you don't even have to look good
Woman
You do fine on your own
You're free to cry and you don't have to wipe your eyes
You once saved me
And now I'm where you want me to be
Ascending endlessly and I don't even have to try

...until we meet again !

sooner than later

 

[K-O]

COCK MADAME



yaeh ok but don't take too long! we need you!
thank you so much for everything! love you cocorox my dear friend baba x
they beat the pain and sing in the rain !

 

[Quarky00]

You have been so helpful to so many .

I need to stop playing with fire, disrespecting myself, cause it propagates to my soul.

Please do

Sounds like a plan , or at least some direction . Raising oneself is hard , setting a routine , doing things , cleaning the mind , recovering physically . And even then , I guess you won't find happiness within a week , aye? (if you do please tell us the secret) . But perhaps some relief and bit more ups in some bearable world . And indeed more control , which we all yearn for I assume . I always liked your whimsical touch and down to earth attitude . Keep it . You are a darling .

I went to the beach and it was physically hard. I remembered Channel swimmers' advice: "you just do the next stroke". Told myself: just do the next footstep.

That 'Broncos' thing was hilarious .


Keep swimming ;)

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I'll miss you, I hope you find yourself again

 

[Arrow]

ok take it easy buddy drink plenty of waterrrrrrrrr

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I think you can disable chat and PMs. Then you won't have to worry about people sending you messages you don't want to deal with.

Sending wishes for your well-being!

 

[enjolras]

No more wading. Getting past the static.



No rage surges
Through my amplifier
More dangerous
A happy fighter
No cage or rush
But ample fire
From los angeles
To the top of the empire

(Any day?) You can make it better
(Every day?) But it takes an effort
Don't wait for fairer weather
Make use of the wind

Did you forget your soul, survivor
Beat a billion sperm
To ankle biter
I was made from dust
Call me macgyver
And will return as such
A tornado rider

———————-

Based on past supplements' experience, dumping all the mildly effective gear. No more vitamin D (to substitute for 15+ minutes of sunshiny exhibitionism), algae oil (vegan Omega 3) > better diet, Ashwaghanda for balance, testosterone boosters (Maca root, Tribulus Terretris, Horny goat weed, Longjack root, regretfully synthetic ZMA) after blood tests returned correct & L-Citruline. In the end, I don't have many expectations regarding what I hadn't tested, like Mucuna Pruriens or NAC. Atm, on Rhodiola Rosea & Curcuma + Bioperine for mood/depression but probably won't renew in 3/6 months respectively, because AD (more efficient)

Health regimen decided on, hopefully more funky :
* Morning :
w/ green tea or coffee
- 1g of fresh magic truffle (Maakali) microdosing every monday/wednesday/friday, for 2 months, then 1 month off, except psychonauth trip (light due to AD interaction danger)
- Lion's Mane mushroom, ultra strength 50% beta glucan, 850mg
- Niacin (B3), +/- 100mg to induce flush effect + cold shower (cool down benefit ?)
* Day : vegan protein blend (pea, sprouted brown rice, hemp seed), incl. as post-sport shake
(- Cialis 5mg if the AD were to soften my youMan "dongle")
* Evening :
- Seroplex (AD), up to 20mg
- Propolis 1000mg
(- Ambien eventually)
=Approx. cost : 90-100 € /mo

ZMA was kind of productive, so to miss, but vegan proteins carry some Zinc, Magnesium & B6 in okay amounts, as well as some Arginine which will make up foolishly for L-Citruline. Reminder to self : drink a lot more water, since I can spend days forgetting, not feeling thirst.
Propolis is for asthma management (natural), at night to ease apnea

For now on diet (calories restriction, water fast when I don't surrender, light to moderate running planned when freeing time), -3 kg in 10 days. Plan to lose ideally 8 kg more to achieve my weight 15 years back, below my height (96 kg last year > 77kg), then will start high-intensity training (20 mins) 3 times a week (bought a program, arsed to buy lousy equipment) & disregard mass

Can attest that I appear to react to Seroplex ...for once, cause I'm hardcore intolerant to alcohol, benzos, weed mysteriously, essentially feeling annoyant effects after a high resistance threshold. Only at the start, but Seroplex seems able to knock me more than benzo, up to feeling weak physically ...as well as like stumbling drunk but on a pleasant high, just not plain well-being cause feeling funny, a tad disconnected. The good effects kick randomly sometimes with many hours of delays. Bad side effects trigger earlier, like mental impairment (reflexion & memory access), fatigue, diarrea yuck ...all in all, temp preference goes for bedtime timing instead of morning

Done extensive blood tests (cost of $500, uninsured, grr) to debunk the PFS syndrome. Waiting for complete results. Partial ones indicate many items lightly imbalanced but principally Progesterone & Oestradiol levels way in excess ...and signs of auto-immune or hyperthyroid disorder. Plan to consult an endoctrinologist for interpretation.

The life project announces itself way more complicated, since I'm absolutely undecided about what I want. Firstly, I'll have seriously tricky administrative matters to fix

edit : I developed an intuition, to self-ban. Goodbye for now.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Goodbye for now @enjolras and good luck.

 

[enjolras]

I've been hinted to not self-ban. I won't do it. I ought to learn to stop being self-destructive, as my own parasite, committing crimes against myself, which happened several times in the past, persuaded I had to terminate myself or burry parts of it, only to regret it later after I survived through the storms. It could be locking myself away for months, turning away / blocking friends definitely, who were worried about me, dive head first into regression, or more concretely, destroy my music recordings or photography.
The last time, months ago, I got rid of all my personal affairs, including all music equipment which I had collected with care for years, as well as objects, decoration & documents of the past. Just because, I had to, couldn't control it, convinced it was the right thing to do in the moment, that to erase bonds & memories, as a relief which, to cut down all ties to achieve redemption. In the present, I then never imagine the crisis to be transitory, just yearning to drift into a lava pit, maintaining only a quarter of a hope for a fresh start of novelties, at the corner of my mind, without conviction.
Now, my surrounding, like appartement where I live appears blank, like an impersonal white label, indicating as if I had not lived, which is not true.

The news I get from the PFS association of victims are very disturbing & depressing, cause they leave barely little hope for improvement. It might explain most if not all the struggles I have been through since early adulthood. I'm now questioning I even had mental health issues as a root but as a consequence of this medicine's intoxication, which imbalances endoctrinian, hormonal systems & neurotransmitters in ways little documented & acknowledged by the medical field. Honestly, it would be reason alone to CTB & I may reconsider it if, likely, my perspectives stay clustered on a dead end.

 

[enjolras]

Can you hear us, the Blizzard? You hear us?
If you hear us, fuck you
You thought you were going to have us, huh?
Did you think we hadn't seen anything?
Asshole, surprise!
Can you hear us, shame? You hear us?
If you hear us, watch out when you come home all alone at night
We might want to break your jaw with metal objects
Or washing your head with lead, what do you say?
Can you hear us, sadness? You hear us?
If you can hear us, it's that you too are going to pack your bag soon
Take the first on the left, second on the right, then again on the left and go to fuck your race
Congratulations! Well done!
Do you hear us, death? You hear us?
If you hear us, know you don't scare us, you can shoot whatever you want
We're going anyway, you can't stop us
And we will leave no one behind, we will leave no one to line up
It's all over!

Do you hear us, Dignity? You hear us?
If you hear us, know that we have a knee on the ground and that we are sorry
We're sorry for everything we could do to you, but we're going to change!
We will become good people, you will see!
And one day you will be proud of us
Can you hear us, love? You hear us?
If you can hear us, you have to come back because we're ready now, that's it
We screwed up, it's true but since then we have understood
And here we have our palms open with our hearts inside
You have to take it and bring it
Can you hear us, the Universe? You hear us?
If you can hear us, wait for us! We arrive
We would like to: understand everything, know everything, see everything, live everything
We are looking for the door to the new world so we can blend in big
Can you hear us, you who are waiting? You hear us?
If you can hear us remember you're not alone. Never
There are so many of us who are a bit wobbly, a little weird
And in our heads there is a blizzard
Like the big hearted loser mystics
We have to sound the alarm, to find ourselves, to meet
Let's kiss, be billions of hands on billions of shoulders
Let's repeat once again that boredom is a crime
That life is a holdup of the century, a fucking red pepper
Fuck your mother the Blizzard
Fuck your mother the Blizzard
It's all over

40 today


Une promesse en guise de cadeau

 

[Brackenshire]

Yes

 

[K-O]

Can you hear us, the Blizzard? You hear us?
If you hear us, fuck you
You thought you were going to have us, huh?
Did you think we hadn't seen anything?
Asshole, surprise!
Can you hear us, shame? You hear us?
If you hear us, watch out when you come home all alone at night
We might want to break your jaw with metal objects
Or washing your head with lead, what do you say?
Can you hear us, sadness? You hear us?
If you can hear us, it's that you too are going to pack your bag soon
Take the first on the left, second on the right, then again on the left and go to fuck your race
Congratulations! Well done!
Do you hear us, death? You hear us?
If you hear us, know you don't scare us, you can shoot whatever you want
We're going anyway, you can't stop us
And we will leave no one behind, we will leave no one to line up
It's all over!

Do you hear us, Dignity? You hear us?
If you hear us, know that we have a knee on the ground and that we are sorry
We're sorry for everything we could do to you, but we're going to change!
We will become good people, you will see!
And one day you will be proud of us
Can you hear us, love? You hear us?
If you can hear us, you have to come back because we're ready now, that's it
We screwed up, it's true but since then we have understood
And here we have our palms open with our hearts inside
You have to take it and bring it
Can you hear us, the Universe? You hear us?
If you can hear us, wait for us! We arrive
We would like to: understand everything, know everything, see everything, live everything
We are looking for the door to the new world so we can blend in big
Can you hear us, you who are waiting? You hear us?
If you can hear us remember you're not alone. Never
There are so many of us who are a bit wobbly, a little weird
And in our heads there is a blizzard
Like the big hearted loser mystics
We have to sound the alarm, to find ourselves, to meet
Let's kiss, be billions of hands on billions of shoulders
Let's repeat once again that boredom is a crime
That life is a holdup of the century, a fucking red pepper
Fuck your mother the Blizzard
Fuck your mother the Blizzard
It's all over

40 today
View attachment 37488

Une promesse en guise de cadeau
View attachment 37486

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVE

 

[Quarky00]

I've been hinted to not self-ban. I won't do it. I ought to learn to stop being self-destructive, as my own parasite, committing crimes against myself

Une promesse en guise de cadeau

That is an amazing drawing !!! Content/text as well .

 

[enjolras]

Rester serait mourir un peu,
Rester serait comme une sorte de désaveu
Mais partir, c'est recouvrer ses sens,
C'est comme une seconde renaissance
Et quand je n'en pourrais plus
Je viendrai me ressourcer.

Je suis bien trop orgueilleux.
Rester serait comme une sorte de désaveu
Mais partir, c'est recouvrer ses sens,
C'est comme une seconde renaissance
Et quand je n'en pourrais plus
Je viendrai me ressourcer.
Et quand je ne serai plus
Sûr de savoir qui je suis,
J'irais arpenter tes rues.
Même en pensées,
Je reviendrais m'y ressourcer.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I hope you're all right!

 

[Brackenshire]

Rester serait mourir un peu,
Rester serait comme une sorte de désaveu
Mais partir, c'est recouvrer ses sens,
C'est comme une seconde renaissance
Et quand je n'en pourrais plus
Je viendrai me ressourcer.

Je suis bien trop orgueilleux.
Rester serait comme une sorte de désaveu
Mais partir, c'est recouvrer ses sens,
C'est comme une seconde renaissance
Et quand je n'en pourrais plus
Je viendrai me ressourcer.
Et quand je ne serai plus
Sûr de savoir qui je suis,
J'irais arpenter tes rues.
Même en pensées,
Je reviendrais m'y ressourcer.

English please

 

[enjolras]

English please

what if I'm unruly ? :p

Language not heard before, only official at my small land. Enjoy




In another life I was
A messenger pigeon
And now I only find passing loves
I miss the sky
I miss the wind

In another life I was
A shepherd of green meadows,
And now I just step on the cement ...
I miss the green,
And I miss the soil

In another life I was
The sail of a sailboat,
And now just a fragile paper boat.
I miss the sea,
I miss the salt...

If in another life
I could be ...
The ink of an inkwell

Give me more
Stretch me more,
Think me more
Love me more.

 

[enjolras]

Today has been promising with encouragements, that I really wasn't expecting. Nothing's won yet, but at least I've got something new to hang on to

 

[enjolras]

planned this month, niquer le game. motivated to turn into a do'er

de la soul to sing along

 

[enjolras]

Yesterday has been my best day since a long long time. Years ? I can't tell I'm the same person due to the ADs. I became partly a mutant. Some parts of me have extinguished, but it includes enemy ones. Trying to adopt new sensations.

Taken by surprise, I don't know if it's my regimen which finally starts to kick in (10 days on with the full one) which I was waiting for signs not manifesting, or if it's the result of some of my formula modulations: I have lowered my AD to half a minimal dose instead of max and now adjusting with 3 different ones. Also not on purpose took 3 times my truffles' microdosing over 2 days, maybe it played a role.

Anyway, focus, alert, envy were there & I was able to be very productive without interruption, something uncommon for me, attention is not my strong point. Just overall channeled. Longing for activities.
I can sense my core energy filling in back, which resolves around rebellion, white anger & resistance/opposition, which is my real natural self when doing fine.

I'm advancing with goals. Much slower than my motivation but that's fine. Lots & lots of margin room for improvements which drives the interest.

In 10 days, I should add daily Andractim 2,5mg & DHEA 50mg, as seen with an endoctrinologist professor this week, who basically confirmed my body was intoxicated by a med I interrupted 20-10 years ago. I have all my hormone levels high, more or less in excess, but the analyses prove my body is now barely capable to convert them into meaningful principles. Supposidely, the hypothesis is I developped antibodies preventing some hormonal conversions but it's only a theory, the science doesn't identify a clear explanation.
Normally, I'd need more Andractim but due to my rather strong asthma, my blood cells' count is too high in order to compensate for the lack of oxygen transportation so my circulation could risk to clog (bad luck). I might even need to stop Andractim after a month while I need it.

Whatever. As a consequence to this "exceptional" condition, I could potentially be recognised handicaped, with optional financial disability, above many mental health conditions (how it's categorised in France), but that's another story to fight for. I just was confirmed there are persons in my syndrome's case who defo are.
At least, I should be switched by the social system to be covered for long-term treatment (life).

The irony is I fucked up my internal chemicals / health for an anti-hairloss drug, and now the cure is gonna make me lose hair with acceleration. Priorities ? Haha Ready for it, bummer ! I precisely dealt with that "issue" in june.

All in all, crossing fingers for continuous progress !

PS: despite the Seroplex 10-20mg, lost -5kg in june. No fatality !

 

[enjolras]

Linking feedback of my personal various experiments, for reference, still in the spirit of journaling

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/citalopram-experiences.40569/#post-783035

Extra notes :
- my heart rate at rest (high range 80 bpm) also slowed to 65-75bpm, due to... ???
- I have no comment to distinguish Lion's Maine's effects as a whole vs other elements
- secret to lose weight ? holding breathe, a secret will follow in a second : eat less (only walked twice for 4 hours avg), with short intermittent water fasting, that's it. Caution : in theory, it starts to dry muscles before fat, usually around the 3rd days' mark. In July, -1kg. I target minus 7 more to be completed 96 > 76 in a year but 2 short periods <3mo
- before I would drink water minimally, or completely forget it for a day (no thirst). Now my goal is 3 liters splitted 6 times for the journey, but 70% of the time, I continue to miss this schedule. Not only liquid vehicles general energy & helps the brain functions, but I'm specially aiming to dilute / lower my blood cells numerus in the hope to increase my Andractim intake which would be most beneficial if my planned checkups maintain stable despite the exterior hormones' applications
- vegan proteins (pea, wheat germs, hemp) is the most vile product ever, disgusting & gluey. Tried all sorts of cocktail blends to make it palatable, Kefir, yogurt, coconut water, nut milk. Smoothie-like is indeed the most correct, thanks @Living_Sucks (dropped the added brown sugar). Also allowing myself avocados (good fat) & almond flakes sometimes if I don't eat ;)
- I did forget to inject coffee/green tea in my routine...

 

[enjolras]

Administration wise, to reestablish myself in FR temporarily, about set for the next 1-3 weeks before next steps
10 days goal : repass lost theorical driving licence + reach stage 1/10 of financial recovery



Regimen refined (tentative targets)

Regimen refined (tentative intentions)

Morning :
* 7am, wake-up
* monday + wednesday + friday, hallucinogenic truffles (Pajareto) 1g, 10 weeks on / 3 weeks off (cycles of 3 months, for freshness)
* Lion's Maine (50% beta Glucan), 2x 425mg
* DHEA, 50mg
* Andractim, cream 2.5mg
* B3 Niacin (skin flush enabled version), 4x 50mg
* water (glass bottles, not plastic), 750ml

Day :
* work outside, balcony / nature / travel, in the fresh air + sun (MiFi + sunshield cap + dual screen)
* gaming glasses (blue light filter)

Sport :
* tuesday + thursday + saturday/sunday (/rarely, cardio), HIIT
* after, vegan proteins, 33g (2 spoons) with smoothie
* water, 750ml

Afternoon :
* monday + friday, Tadalafil 20mg
* water, 750ml

Evening :
* water, 460ml
* 10:30/10:50pm, Fluoxetine 5mg (20mg /4) + reading
* 11:40pm, Valeriane 3x 450mg + lavender aromatherapy + eye mask

 

[enjolras]

Surprise in the morning, the french bureaucracy is bridging closure until wednesday - fookers slowing me down. Consequently, overall lazy day but happy.

10 days goal, reach stage 1/10 of financial recovery

Done: from scratch to 1k €. Now I have the full week to focus on other things, sleep soundly, etc.
I was just superior compared to usual: okay reads, few mistakes but controlled, great flow of decisions, no hesitation, more courage, almost zero gambling. Did my thing, won, lost, won, lost, atypically spread over multiple instruments which testifies I was comfy. Things turned out late, just being consistent. Caught the change of pace with extension. 500% : that phoenix move is behind me... Back in the game !

2/10 & 3/10 targets : +1k each, +100% & +50%, due for december & january - I have other priorities.

————-

Don't know what's happening to me. In the morning, suddenly had a blast moment, smiling, laughing, talking out loud to myself for 1 hour?! All without sollicitation... a premiere.

I've been OFF anti-depressant since a couple of days (transitioning the normal safe way) & will only incoporate hormones in august only inside my schedule. Shall I spot it's the Stamet's base making the difference? Is it my saving grace ?




1st full trip attempt planned this weekend (also why I postpone the Fluox reboot to not tease the serotonine unconsciously). Decided on a serene park for the setting. Watch out for the devil kids

 

[enjolras]

Still buffing the protocol up (tentative intentions - the application of it all is huge to boot. Plan to be ready for september fully)

Morning :
* 7am, wake-up
* complex blend (powder) of Ashwaghanda + Rhodiola Rosea + Schisandra + green tea + Matcha green tea + coconut milk, as warm drink (custom coffee equivalent, but cosmic!)
* monday + wednesday + friday, hallucinogenic truffles (illegal), about Maakali strain, 1g, 10 weeks on (cause freshness) > 3 weeks off (cause tolerance)
* Lion's Maine (high strength, 50% Beta Glucan), 2x 425mg
* vitamin B3 Niacin - flush effect (important), 5x 50mg
* DHEA (requires prescription here), 50mg
* Andractim (prescription) cream 2.5mg (maybe 5mg in september if my next blood analysis permits it)
* water (glass bottles, not plastic), 730ml

Day :
* work outside (balcony / nature / travel), in the fresh air + sun (equipment: portable 4G antenna + MiFi domino + multi screen laptop & tablet with sun protection caps + trackball)
* gaming glasses (blue light filter)
* noise canceling headset (construction site type, not audio)

Sport :
* HIIT, tuesday + thursday + saturday/sunday (/rarely, cardio)
* after, plant protein blends (alternating enhancers: Turmeric & Bioperine, omega seeds, botanical essentials / super foods, electrolytes, enzymes, probiotics-bacterias), 33g with almond milk & smoothie
* water, 730ml

Afternoon :
* monday + friday, Tadalafil 20mg
* water, 730ml

Evening :
* water, 460ml
* 10:30/10:50pm
- Fluoxetine 5mg (20mg /4)
- Omega 3 DHA from algae oil, 2x 400mg
(- vitamin D3, 4000IU (100 microg), for the days unexposed to the sun during 15+ minutes, partly naked)
- reading
* 11:40pm
- Propolis 1000mg, 3 months on > 1 month off
(- vitamin B12 (with Bioperine), 1500mcg, if period of vegan diet dominance)
- Valeriane 3x 450mg
- lavander aromatherapy
- eye mask
- manhood (for joke - checking if anyone's attention followed until here...)

Spoiler

Optional: it's a pyjama for penis hahaha

Hacked !

 

[KleinerWolf]

what if I'm unruly ? :p

Language not heard before, only official at my small land. Enjoy

la langue française est très sensuelle.
Je viens de Chine mais j'ai l'intention d'apprendre le français prochainement.
à partir d'aujourd'hui.

j'espère que vous allez bien en termes de récupération.

 

[enjolras]

Merci de t'en inquiéter : jusqu'ici tout va bien, elle s'annonce sous les meilleures hospices.

Pour un démarrage, il est plein de promesses ! (J'ai visité Pékin et ses environs il ya longtemps, ami lointain). Mes encouragements, jusqu'à ce que ta motivation te conduise au fond et à la forme...

Un support de romantisme pour t'entrainer


Je suis une cruche,
percée de plus,
j'ai la peau craquelée
depuis toi, desséchée
Quand vient la lune
et le vent frais,

par habitude,
je te cherche sur le canapé

Dieu qu'elle est loin
la nuit de liesse
où j'ai trouvé ta main
bien avant la tristesse
Tu me traquais,
tu m'avais vu,
tu m'as pris pour collier
et mon cou tu l'as tordu

mais t'es où?
pas là mais t'es pas là, mais t'es où?
pas là mais t'es pas là mais t'es ou ?
mais t'es où (pas là, pas là, pas là)

Des nuits d'ivoire
sûr, ça je t'en dois,
si les tiennes sont noires à jouer les fontaines

mais t'es où?
pas là, mais t'es pas là, mais t'es où?
pas là, mais t'es pas là mais t'es ou ?
mais t'es où (pas là, pas là, pas là)

Je te remplace
comme je le peux
que tout s'efface
j'en fais le veux
Ca sera sans toi alors,
alors je n'ai plus qu'a être d'accord

A vous les cruches,
les coeurs en miettes,
soyons la ruche,
d'un futur en fête

Spoiler

I am a jug,
more breakthrough,
I have cracked skin
from you, parched
When the moon comes
and the cool wind,

by habit,
I'm looking for you on the sofa

God she is far
the night of jubilation
where i found your hand
long before sadness
You were tracking me,
you saw me,
you took me for a necklace
and my neck you twisted it

but where are you
not there but you're not there, but where are you?
not there but you're not there but where are you?
but where are you (not there, not there, not there)

Ivory nights
sure, I owe you,
if yours are black playing fountains

but where are you
not there, but you're not there, but where are you?
not there, but you're not there but where are you?
but where are you (not there, not there, not there)

I replace you
as I can
that everything fades
I want to
It will be without you then
so I just have to agree

To you the jugs,
hearts in crumbs,
let's be the hive,
of a festive future

 

[KleinerWolf]

Merci de t'en inquiéter : jusqu'ici tout va bien, elle s'annonce sous les meilleures hospices.

Merci de m'avoir encouragé à apprendre le français.
J'ai beaucoup à apprendre. Cela prendra du temps. Mais je l'apprécierai.

Comment se fait-il que vous soyez en hospice, que vous récupérez d'une maladie en phase terminale?

 

[enjolras]

Comment se fait-il que vous soyez en hospice, que vous récupérez d'une maladie en phase terminale?

Je n'y suis pas. Sorry, it was an expression that just means the expectations are hopeful & I'm under good stars, like taken care of (maybe the analogy comes from there)

 

[KleinerWolf]

Je n'y suis pas. Sorry, it was an expression that just means the expectations are hopeful & I'm under good stars, like taken care of (maybe the analogy comes from there)

that's good to know! XD
Sorry for the misunderstanding.
Keep it up dude and take care of yourself :)

 

[enjolras]

Small revision. Every details count :p Getting close to wrap it up ? About to call divine discipline to infiltrate me...

Morning :
* 5:30am, wake-up
* cold shower
* Andractim (prescription) cream 2.5mg (/maybe 5mg in september if my next blood analysis permits it)
* herbal adaptogen powder complex of Ashwaghanda (KSM-66), 300mg + Rhodiola Rosea (3% Rosavins & 1 % Salidrosides), 200 mg + Schisandra berry (200mg) + green tea (120mg) + L-Theanine (80mg) + Matcha green tea (1100mg), Ceylon Cinnamon, as warm latte drink with coconut milk
* DHEA (requires prescription around here), 50mg
* monday + wednesday + friday, hallucinogenic truffles (illegal), about Maakali strain, 1g, 10 weeks on (cause freshness) > 3 weeks off (cause tolerance)
* Lion's Mane (NGF Hericenones), 2x 425mg
* vitamin B3 Niacin - flush effect (important), 5x 50mg
* until 8am, entertainment + meditation
* water (glass bottles, not plastic), 730ml

Day :
* work outside (balcony / nature / travel), in the fresh air + sun (equipment: portable 4G antenna + MiFi domino + multi screen laptop & tablet with sun protection caps + trackball)
* pre-work preparation : mental visualisation exercices
* gaming glasses (blue light filter)
* noise canceling headset (construction site type, not audio)

Sport :
* tuesday + thursday + saturday/sunday, HIIT (/rarely, cardio)
* after, plant protein blends (alternating enhancers: Turmeric & Bioperine, omega seeds, botanical essentials / Boswellia Serrata, electrolytes, enzymes, probiotics-bacterias), 33g with almond milk & smoothie
* water, 730ml

Afternoon :
* monday + friday, Tadalafil 20mg
* water, 730ml

Evening :
* water, 460ml
* 10:30/10:50pm
- Fluoxetine 5mg (20mg /4)
- Omega 3 DHA from algae oil, 2x 400mg
- only the days unexposed to the sun during 15+ minutes partly naked, vitamin D3, 4000 IU + vitamin K2 mk7, 125 mcg
(- vitamin B12 (with Bioperine), 1500mcg, if period dominated by vegan diet)
- reading
* 11:40pm
- Propolis 1000mg, 3 months on > 1 month off
- Valeriane 3x 450mg
- lavender aromatherapy
- eye mask