Are you planning your own funeral?

[ManWithNoName]

I'm thinking about planning my own funeral. I've talked a little to my mother about it (not my funeral, but in general). Funerals in my country have such a negative energy, with terrible music, even worse food and nobody can show other feelings than being apathetic or sad standing their in their black clothes. My mother said that when she eventually dies, she wants happy music, good food and a good spirit, and happy stories about her as a person. That's what I want as well. I was thinking about choosing a song, food to be served, a coffin and other arrangements.

Have you guys thought of the same thing? And how do you do it? Do you just write a specific note, or do you contact the different companies?

I have the money to cover the expences. And I would like to do this so my family don't need to worry about it when I'm gone, and that my own funeral has a little touch of me. I don't want a funeral that's completely unlike me (which most funerals are).

What country are you in if I may ask? You don't have to answer for privacy reasons, I was just curious.

 

[Manja]

Lotus I admire how you have strength to go through all that stuff...I can barely make myself out of the house to buy some food and pay bills..while waiting for fucking SN

 

[Cutepoison]

If you've seen the movie A little bit of heaven, that's how I'd like my funeral to be. I'm just afraid that my family won't do anything like that because i know they'll hate me for suicide..

 

[2Min2Midnight]

I wouldn't mind my immediate family having a memorial but I don't like the idea of a bunch of hypocrites that didn't give a shit about me in life standing around exchanging platitudes and getting free eats.

 

[underthesea]

I'm actually quite happy right now. I made a will in collaboration with my lawyer, and she provided me with a lot of useful information. Normally, after my death, 50% of my fortune will go to each parent if there isn't a will and I don't have any children. Now, my will only includes my mother and my siblings. I was so afraid that my abusive father had to inherit something from me after my passing. I feel so calm now. It's also stated in the will that the funeral costs will be covered at first, and then the rest of the fortune will then be shared among my mother and siblings. I don't have so much money, but it's enough to make me want to make these arrangements.

Now I'm headed to the bank to release all of my funds. It's a bunch of stuff that needs to be done, but I will feel good afterwards. After that I'm going to contact a funeral bureau in my home town and make up my mind of how I want my funeral to be. This is a little bit thrilling to be honest.

Thank you for everyone who has contributed to my thread. It really means a lot.

I'm glad you got everything sorted out. I know I was stressed for months thinking the State would take over my body, since I have no one who would claim it and pay for cremation. There are so many small details to take care of, if one desires to leave without loose ends - you got 2 big ones taken care of, money and funeral.

I hope your lawyer stated that after funeral expenses, if you have any unpaid debts or taxes those will be paid first before anything going to your mother and siblings? Normally, that is how it works, otherwise anyone you owe money, whether credit cards, banks or IRS, they will go after your mother and siblings. But I am sure your attorney knows this and took care of it?

Anyway, I am glad it all worked out.

 

[CarefulWithThatAxe]

Burn my useless body or feed me to the worms I really don't give a shit.

 

[Lotus]

Lotus I admire how you have strength to go through all that stuff...I can barely make myself out of the house to buy some food and pay bills..while waiting for fucking SN

Thank you so much for saying that. That really is heart warming. I can relate to what you're saying though, I'm just feeling that I'm using the last energy I have in me to sort this out.

If you've seen the movie A little bit of heaven, that's how I'd like my funeral to be. I'm just afraid that my family won't do anything like that because i know they'll hate me for suicide..

I've seen it a really long time ago, so I don't remember that part. I have to catch up on that. Thank you for sharing this with me. I'm really sad about how you think you're family is going to react though. I hope that they will be more understanding at the end.

I wouldn't mind my immediate family having a memorial but I don't like the idea of a bunch of hypocrites that didn't give a shit about me in life standing around exchanging platitudes and getting free eats.

Yeah, I can see that point of view. I kind of feel like many of the people I don't know very well is going to "use" my death and funeral to make it about them. I want a small sermony, but I know that's not part of my decision making.

I'm glad you got everything sorted out. I know I was stressed for months thinking the State would take over my body, since I have no one who would claim it and pay for cremation. There are so many small details to take care of, if one desires to leave without loose ends - you got 2 big ones taken care of, money and funeral.

I hope your lawyer stated that after funeral expenses, if you have any unpaid debts or taxes those will be paid first before anything going to your mother and siblings? Normally, that is how it works, otherwise anyone you owe money, whether credit cards, banks or IRS, they will go after your mother and siblings. But I am sure your attorney knows this and took care of it?

Anyway, I am glad it all worked out.

Thank you so much. I can't imagine the stress of not having anyone to take care of things after you pass. But I'm glad that it's possible to make these decisions in advance.

Yes, it's all taken care of, but I'm going to pay my debt beforehand anyways. And I will pay my three months of rent in advance so they don't have to worry about that. My student loans will immediately be eliminated after my passing, so that's a big relief.

 

[MechanicalDonkey]

I'm not really planning my funeral. Not only do I not like a majority of my family members, but that's so expensive and I don't see the point in anything lavish.

 

[Moonicide]

Wrote my final wishes in my goodbye letter to my mother. There will be no funeral, I'd simply prefer to be cremated and have my ashes be scattered by our lake or become one with nature and have my ashes nurture a tree.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I will leave some requests for a funeral and wake, but if they are upheld or not doesn't bother me. So long as I'm cremated the rest doesn't matter. I don't want to be shoved in a hole in the ground, that's one thing I don't want.

 

[underthesea]

Wrote my final wishes in my goodbye letter to my mother. There will be no funeral, I'd simply prefer to be cremated and have my ashes be scattered by our lake or become one with nature and have my ashes nurture a tree.

Hate to inform you ashes don't nurture trees. Ashes have zero nutrients and can actually be toxic to plants. I posted about this on another thread.

 

[HereToday]

No because I don't care. If it were up to me I wouldn't even have a funeral. I'm leaving my parents cash to pay for it though so it's not a burden on them

 

[Moonicide]

Hate to inform you ashes don't nurture trees. Ashes have zero nutrients and can actually be toxic to plants. I posted about this on another thread.

I'm going to be purchasing this, so I'm sure it will be fine as it is made for exactly that:

Bios Urn - The world's first biodegradable urn

Bios Urn is the world's first biodegradable urn designed to convert you into a tree after life. The tree urn is a return to life through nature.

urnabios.com

 

[RationalGirl]

Hmm I haven't thought about my funeral yet

 

[Misanthrope]

Intend to leave instructions and the finances to cover it. Funerals really are for the living.

 

[TAW122]

I don't plan to have a funeral because I don't see the point in wasting (possibly) hundreds/thousands just to commemorate my own shitty life. Then again, that's just my take and if/after I'm gone from this world, I wouldn't know nor would I have any control over how people will react. I suppose I could leave some post-death instructions on what to do after I'm gone (included in my note), but that's about all and mostly for the survivor's benefit (it's optional).

 

[Phinleh]

I really, really don't want a Muslim burial. It's what I'm going to get though because I'm officially Muslim and can't renounce it.

Only way around it is to tattoo a cross on my arm and ctb in another country after ditching my ID.

 

[Daffodil]

Hello,
I prepaid for my own cremation, since I have no family. Went to local mortuary and told them I wanted to preplan and prepay for own cremation. They give various forms to fill, e.g embalming or not, who will ID body (in my case no one, from driver's license picture) etc. I even paid for ash scattering and specified place, time and how I wanted ashes scattered. They take pictures and send photos as proof to whoever's name you put on the form. They take care of everything. It is a pretty easy process. The prepaid money is held by a life insurance company and if anything is left over after all expenses, it goes to whomever you wish and put down as beneficiary or to your estate. The mortuary might state that every six months or a year price of expenses might go up and you have to pay the difference. In my case, since I plan to go soon, it didn't matter. I just nodded and agreed!

I created my own "MY LIFE" video which will be sent out, along with my goodbye note to couple of people I know. Not many. I created beautiful packages, goodby note letter sealed with wax etc. Packages pre-addressed and prepaid from post office so police can just drop them in mail.

It was rather interesting making own life celebration video. I felt tearful watching it, but not in a depressing way. More that I accomplished so much even with all the obstacles I encountered and that I did everything I ever wanted to do, more than majority of people I know. Watching pictures of all my adventures put me at ease with my decision, which was arrived over many years of contemplation, not impulsively. So putting the video together with all pictures, choosing music etc was a great relief, so was writing the goodbye note, which wasn't a diatribe or regurgitating accusations or sad things. I kept it fairly neutral without even explaining all my reasons.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

This is amazing and inspiring!

 

[moodygrl]

I will leave money for my cremation, a list of a couple of songs Id like to be played and a a short list of contacts to inform of my passing. Luckily my family already owns a grave where my granparents who both ctb lie, so Ill have some company (black humour)

 

[I’mDone]

I want to be cremated, and my ashes baked into bread or cake with loads of seeds in. Then the bread fed to birds. Hopefully some of the seeds will grow into trees. Who knows?

The reality is that my family would emotionally blackmail my partner into a Muslim burial which I absolutely, 100% don't want.

 

[The Dark Chaos]

I'd like a Christian funeral instead of a Hindu one..Its not that I have something against Hinduism but its just one of those things..I'd want one with my favourite flowers, my playlist. And MOST IMPORTANTLY, I don't want people to grieve and cryy and saying how much they loved me and how muchh I mattered to them cause maybe that would have saved me from my own haunted, terrible self. And they may be the reason I made the choice to end my life..

 

[ugly_loser2008]

i also pre-paid for my cremation. No funeral but disposal of my body. I didnt want anyone to flip the bill for my disposal. Really was quite easy to do and wasnt really awkward at all, could be the funeral home i worked through i dunno. Its actually normal now to pre-plan. Buddy of mine said he will take my ashes and spread them with the manure as he works on a farm. My ashes will be worth more than i ever did in life as they will bring up hay or something else that will be consumed by nature.

 

[Annabelle889]

I've put some thought into it, like wanting to be buried in the place I live even though most my family live 8 hrs from here,
I thought it'd be cool if it was a celebration of life where people must tie dye/' bright clothes.
I want my nickname on my tomb stone, instead of my full name which I don't even respond to anymore.
I want "Time warp" or Damnit Janet from Rocky Horror Picture show played at my service with the explanation it was one of my favorite happy time albums to sing along to.
I left a picture for example on how I want my makeup done and that I'd like my facial piercings left in ( my family was never a fan of my piercings)
I wrote a list of friends with their numbers who I believe would like to be informed of my passing/ invited to the funeral ( Do you invite people to funerals or do they just show up? )

 

[Scacie]

No, not at all. I don't want to think about what happens here after I go. This place has caused me so much pain I just want to be rid of it ASAP, and don't want anything to do with it after

 

[reiko1337]

Just direct cremation would be fine for me. I don't care what happens to my ashes, they can dispose of it if they wish to. I don't want a funeral or a ceremony, I just want it to be simple.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

I'd prefer not to have one. I want to be cremated. The thought of all those fake and abusive people from the past showing up and either disrespecting my memory or only coming because they feel obligated to... Ew, no thanks.
Also keeping someone in the ground in a certain spot for decades apparently also costs money, so not being buried will be a lot easier for my family financially.

Yeah, me too. Fire is so much cleaner and elegant than being left to rot. There's no way I can organize this here where I live so ultimately I don't care, but that would be my choice if I have one. A spot marked with my name for a hundred years is not appealing to me at all. Burn me and throw my ashes to the wind. I always found this concept to be beautifully poetic.

 

[anhed0nia]

This is kind of a provocative question because ultimately funerals are for the living. Like from my own perspective, I don't really want any fanfare or whatever. I want the disposal of me to be as quick and easy and forgettable as possible. When people talk about wanting to be thrown in the trash, I totally relate to that. For this reason pre-planning is VERY appealing, to just take the pointless job of doing something special out of anyone's hands. But I think that ultimately, it would be up to the people who knew me to decide what to do. If they felt compelled to have a memorial or celebration, for their own sense of closure...well, I wouldn't even be around to know about it, why would I dictate what they do for themselves?

My mother died when I was about 15 and it was extremely surprising to me when the priest at her wake gave this whole speech about Jesus. We had never been to church in our lives, it was never even discussed. I asked my father about it later and he said something about how it was just a gesture to make certain other older relatives feel better. Honestly I didn't even know who he might be talking about, it really made no sense to me; I guess some people just felt comforted that something very conventional was happening? I don't know still, but that was the first time I encountered the fact that death observance is really for the living, no matter how delusional and confusing the deceased might actually find it.

The one thing that troubles me sometimes is that I have a ton of stuff: zillions of books and movies, lots of weird clothing and art and little collectible objects. I hate the thought of my husband or family feeling like they had to sort through it and make a hundred decisions about it (like they won't hate me enough just for the inconvenience of dying). I keep thinking of a will that says "Please throw everything in a trash bag and have it hauled away." But that probably wouldn't prevent my survivors from feeling obligated to sell/donate/part out my things among others, which just sounds so laborious and pointless to me. Maybe I can think of a sneaky way to get rid of everything before anybody has to get saddled with the job.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

No, I don't care what happens to my body. It's only a vessel

 

[Ash’Girl]

I am adamant that I don't actually want a funeral. They're a waste of money. I've no problem with the few people left who might mourn me having some sort of informal ceremony to say their goodbyes or reminisce or whatever, the ceremony and concept of a funeral is after all more to give those left behind some sort of goodbye/closure. But I'd rather not have some formal, ridiculously overcharged ceremony that people gather for some generic format or 40 minutes summing up my "life".

Cheapest option is fine with me. I think I'd just like to be burnt in a cardboard box and planted as a tree.

 

[tidal1]

Ideally, I would like to donate my body to science. I'm afraid that if I had a funeral no one besides my family would show up. Save myself some post death embarrassment and not have one.