Soc
Member
- Dec 9, 2023
- 71
I feel like everything I had and valued has been taken away from me. I stil have my job somehow but that will go as well and I'll live isolated waiting to die. It seems like a foregone conclusion for me.
I understand this feeling, hoping fof the life insurance from dead awful parent or the secret inheritance or the lottery win. I don't know how much of that is raw imaginative ideation and how much of it is survival instinct. I suppose it indicates that we aren't ready to die or know it could get better with magical intervention. But as you said, this daydream is based on a deus ex machina's sudden involvement.In my semi delusional daydreams i always think that ill win the lottery or that someone is going to call me the moment i slip the noose on and tell me that all my problems are solved or some other deux ex machina stuff but realisticly its over.
I would have loved to hear your music. I sense in you a deep yearning to connect with others. That kind of yearning, and sadness, would translate to music wonderfully. All the best artists suffered, in some great way. I bet you would have been great. :)I had the dream to become a great music composer but because of many factors in play, it is shattered.
Unlikely ? I'd say it's a 99% chanceNo chance of reprieve for me - screwed mostly by my own idiotic actions unfortunately, and no logical route out now.
(barring the unlikely situation that this is all an AI experiment, and that a large miraculous rewind / 'would you like to try again' button appears in front of me in the next few weeks!)
Thank you for the kind words, the music that i produced indeed transcribes well my suffering. I'm not able to do it anymore, explaining why is complex, let's Say it is a mix of technical issues and internal struggle..I would have loved to hear your music. I sense in you a deep yearning to connect with others. That kind of yearning, and sadness, would translate to music wonderfully. All the best artists suffered, in some great way. I bet you would have been great. :)
Ah, this feeling is the worst in the world... Do you have any idea how long the resources will last? Hope is not always an illusion driven by the survival instinct. It's very common to embrace good opportunities, even when life is fucking miserable... You can rush to suicide at any moment, but maybe you still have a few months of hope. living. This is not a cowardly thought, nor pro-life advice, just an impression... Only you can hit the hammer and decide whether or not life is worth living.I dont have much time to consider this. The longer I wait the more resources drain from me and the worse my life becomes.
Yeah, since 2011... I went through a string of failed attempts, I was careless and desperate enough for them to discover the last one (2015) and after that, it became very difficult to die... basically that's it, the last few years have been shit in many ways, but I had two options and I tried to move forward with both under my arms: to be successful in life, in some way; or succeed by trying to die. I can say that this helped, as I was able to calm down enough to evaluate the methods and increase the chances of dying – apart from the failed attempt with CO earlier this year.Is anyone else in a similar spot?