are you here as a cry for help, or do you actually want to be gone forever?

[xXSufferingXx]

i don't necessarily think it's fair that someone who's here as a "cry for help" will recommend certains methods
to the other people who actively are looking for real, (almost) guaranteed methods.

methods which might make their lives even worse, with serious permanent life-long effects, if they survive.

or, let's say... they don't die which they wanted to, so instead get sent to the psych ward because someone finds them, when they thought they would be dead by then.
and then their lives are even worse after that.

because i've noticed there's quite a bit of discouragement when it comes to hardcore methods such as drowning.

some people would gladly take those 6 minutes of suffering to obtian peace, because their entire lives have been full of suffering anyway.

it's great if someone still has hope for this world...

but we gotta respect there's different people on here with entirely different wishes.

 

[aspenjrojas]

That's one of the reasons I am not attempting yet. My worst fear is being forced to live and having my right to die being taken away by being in a pysch ward making it significantly harder. I wanna make sure I have a guaranteed plan, and I genuinely do wanna die. I feel as though people should try to be aware of the success rate of their method and also make sure they are covering all potential gaps in their plan before attempting. Yeah, I think it's cruel for people to recommend faulty methods. Like if someone wanted help, I completely understand why they don't feel as they can get it yet, and are on here instead for whatever personal reasons they have, but it is bad for them to not fully respect the person's search for death.

 

[whywere]

I will say this; I am 70 and I have seen through the decades and my own experience too darn much suffering that comes from smoking, drinking and other means.

Now parlay that into wishful thinking of ctb means and then rethink.

I have seen folks in hospice and hospitals in oxygen tents and laying in a bed zapped up on every pain killer and gasping for breath. Even more than those previous items.

so, YES, I will ALWAYS help folks who have less life experience at least think REALLY through things. Knee jerk actions and reactions can bring hell on earth when someone wakes up in a hospital and is told that their minds and/or bodies are messed up from a ctb try.

I have nightmare, for real on occasion, of this and I do NOT want any poor soul to have to go through this.

CTB, fine, np problem, BUT maybe, just maybe certain modes/methods are a HUGE no no.

It is quite easy to give advice and motivate someone to ctb with a mode that might bring a hell of a lot more harm than anything ever.

It is much harder, at least for me to read a post about a poor soul suffering and thinking of a mode that instantly brings to my mind images, and then put a post up just trying for them to take a step back and REALLY think it through.

After that, if they so choose to, at least they have a complete foundation of knowing what they are getting into and if they wake up in a medical facility, they KNEW it before hand and NOT after.

I WILL never ever till my least breath want anyone to have to live another x time frame in a damaged body and /or brain, NEVER!

It would break my heart so much, so, when I read where someone is thinking of a mode that has a chance or a good chance of messing a person up and waking up, you darn right well know that I am going to help them take a step back, think it through, THEN go forward.

Walter

 

[TAW122]

I genuinely want to get real, accurate information with regards to methods (no BS, no nonsense, no myth, etc.), and also I've more/less made up my mind when it comes to CTB. I also enjoy the community on SaSu as I feel like a second home and one that I can speak more freely when it comes to topics such as death, right to die, suicide, and things. I also get some benefit of having a voice and being able to vent as well as giving my two cents in hopes that it will help some people on here, maybe in the future (long after I'm gone).

Furthermore, while I've stuck around, I found this community to be great and once the day comes that I decide to CTB and go through, I'd show my gratitude to the SaSu community and try to enjoy the time before I pass..

 

[be-a-goldfish]

Is it okay to say I don't know? I have a lot of both hope and pain in my psyche. I think my favorite thing would be to help someone choose to live, but indirectly speaking; by making the world and humanity better instead of forcing that person to live in a world that is at this moment actively becoming worse. The older I get the more I realize just how ambitious of a goal that is, however. The small scale of my actions compared to the rest of the world makes it negligible and the fact I've been resilient for years already makes it feel like a cry for help. But also, I'm not against being dead either. Nihilism has influenced me here; even if the world was perfect, if I am dead, I am not conscious to be able to care if I am alive. All pain ceases.

 

[pk@2001]

Well it might sound harsh,but I don't think there is any scope of help left for me. The pain, torture and the autoimmune diseases have all made my life hell. For the past 5 years i have suicidal ideation and I believe it's getting stronger and more reasonable day by day. Besides, i dont think that I ever signed up for this calamity just in my 20s.
So, yeah I gladly want to disappear

 

[aunaltravita]

Well, I've been lurking here for a few days now. Just registered and, from all the thread I read, some people here just really wanna vent and, sorry if I'll sound harsh, but some people here just really want someone to reassure them and/or give them attention and are not really going to CTB. That's my opinion.

There's a slight difference in the writing of someone that really wants to end things and someone that, deep down, knows that their life will go on.

In my case, it's a mix of mental issues and inevitable events that will cripple my life and make it 10x worse, I'm not ill or anything, I could probably pull through as well, but after so much I just can't tolerate it anymore given that I know for a fact it's gon be a lot worse some time from now without any clear hope of turning things around and for what? Just to die a lil later and still suffer in the meantime? Hell nah, I did almost everything I could and wanted in this life and I just don't see myself climbing this mountain forever.

EDIT: I want that search button, to prepare throughly. As you said, living after a failed ctb would just add on top of everything else, so better be "dead" than sorry.

 

[DoomedDarkCircles]

It depends on the day.
I could say that, on the inside, I wish I could break free. I wish to become someone that is no longer mentally torturedand is capable of achieving happiness.
But the person I see doing this doesn't seem to be the real me. I tried so many times to change and I'm still stuck. And everything feels like a chore, a painful chore.

 

[plskilme]

I'm here for a mix of both. I genuinely want to die, but a super small part of me wants to find a reason to keep going... It really feels like this

 

[xXiloveyouXx]

obsessed with being gone

 

[cylus46]

i don't necessarily think it's fair that someone who's here as a "cry for help" will recommend certains methods
to the other people who actively are looking for real, (almost) guaranteed methods.

methods which might make their lives even worse, with serious permanent life-long effects, if they survive.

or, let's say... they don't die which they wanted to, so instead get sent to the psych ward because someone finds them, when they thought they would be dead by then.
and then their lives are even worse after that.

because i've noticed there's quite a bit of discouragement when it comes to hardcore methods such as drowning.

some people would gladly take those 6 minutes of suffering to obtian peace, because their entire lives have been full of suffering anyway.

it's great if someone still has hope for this world...

but we gotta respect there's different people on here with entirely different wishes.

Honestly I want to die but im too stubborn too and my brain just keeps trying to make shit work when I know it wont and everything will just get worse and worse and worse. Yet id *personally* would feel like a bitch so I just havent done anything yet LMAO.
But the option definitely on the table, I have manic episodes so who knows ill probably blow my shit clean off when im in the middle of that

 

[Myforevercharlie]

i don't necessarily think it's fair that someone who's here as a "cry for help" will recommend certains methods

If you have read the rules carefully, its against the rules to ask / give recommendations on methodes.

Multiple people are here, because they want to be heard, feel lonely with their mental struggles.
And that's oke, its a pro choice platform where all sorts of people are welcomed

 

[Spite]

It depends a lot, but most of the time for me I'm here as a cry for help. Other times, in my lowest moods, I do genuinely want to cease existing.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I want to be gone forever asap

I mean I want Non-existence forever asap .

eternal Non-existence is the only guarantee of never suffering pain so bad the pain is a billion times worse than the worst one can imagine

I'm sure Death is permanent Non-existence

but while i'm alive i can suffer extremely : for example for a long time every second continuous worst pain like the peak of the brazen bull torture pain

I think this alone proves Eternal Non-existence. is better than life by a million times

 

[never mind me]

I don't know what's wrong with being here, if you are unsure, if you really want to die. I am considering ctb, but really I would prefer, if I can somehow get my medical problems fixed and continue to live normally. To be honest, one of the reasons I am hanging out on SaSu a lot is that it is the only place I feel normal at the moment as I fucked up my voice and therefore have trouble communicating with people in real life. So I feel glad to have a space, where I don't feel awkward, because I can write like everybody else does, I am normal here unlike in the real world.
However, that doesn't mean that I encourage or consider for myself methods for ctb that are unlikely to succeed. Actually I had considered ctb by opoid and benzodiazepine OD, but after doing more resaerch about it I decided that the chance of survival is too high. Which really sucks as it would be really peaceful, if I just could be sure that it is successful. So now I am left with FSH as the only available and reliable method and it sucks, because I know that no matter how certain I am about ctb, my last conscious moments will be spend in panic and agony.

 

[HaibaneRakka]

For me this site is a tool to help me decide what I want and to vent my emotions as I decide what is best for me, and while doing so research methods I could use if I decide that it is time while gaining a genuine understanding of what id be going through and not a romantasized misinformation fueled mistake. Like sometimes Im like yeah I dont wanna be alive but I struggle with having a fiance and I know how much their death would affect me and how much mine would affect them. I struggle with knowing this is what I want I also struggle with unstable emotions regarding the subject as well as a genuine fear of like dying painfully or sometimes dying at all. Like sometimes I want it bad but I also dont have the strong will power and bravery to commit to a plan and see it through so Im still trying to both improve and understand what I can do whatever I decide. I also mostly just want to be happy and feel safe and good in anything life or death so ill do what makes me feel that way in the end.

 

[nayomi]

i mean if i heal or ctb i will get help here both ways here

 

[Captive_Mind515]

Crying is pretty pointless. (No shame in it ofc)

And we must learn to help ourselves, or else we will always be a prisoner to whatever crappy circumstance we find ourselves in. This society wants people to feel helpless, so it can control us in key ways.

 

[FuneralCry]

All I want is to be gone forever, I just want this terrible, torturous existence of dreadful suffering to be gone, forgotten and erased for me, all I want is true permanent peace from the torture and cruelty of this painful, deeply undesirable existence that I just always saw as a mistake that just tortures existing beings all for the sake of it.

To be burdened with this existence will always be an abomination to me and there's just so much evil in existing with existing beings tortured in agony every second, no matter what the peace of non-existence is just all I see as positive, existence will always be the problem and it's just so terrible how this existence was imposed causing all this terrible, dreadful torture as a result all for the sake of it.

 

[Forveleth]

I want to be gone.

 

[delinquentsandwich]

I don't particularly seek any form of validation or pity anymore
it's nice to know that I am not alone in these feelings and the idea of suicide being our choice
it helps while I'm still alive

but otherwise I came here to find a safe way to ctb
I fully intend on following through when I'm ready

 

[tooafraidtodiez]

Rest forever

 

[Mistergeburt]

For me personally it's difficult to answer. It started a long time ago and I told myself over and over again that I would just wanna do it for attention. But it wasn't that way. Because if it was, I would have told someone or would have given hints or something. But now, it's like I have to prove to myself that I don't do it as a cry for help, so I actually wanna die. Although I don't even know why I want to ctb.

So ig my answer is, that I'm unsure, but I also want to be gone forever. Actually doing it, is a different story tho.

Maybe I don't understand the question correctly, but do you mean "being here" is the cry for help? Because in that case I must say, that I don't think that anyone here would help or say "No, don't do it" and there's also no way someone I know would even find SS. I'm here for researching methods, see what others are up to and vent a little. And to be honest I really enjoy this community as I've been lurking a lot, before I made an account. It's kinda comforting

 

[Passenger4224]

I'm here because I want to be gone forever.

I also notice the discouragement of hardcore methods. It is smarter to use a different method if possible of course, but some people don't have a choice.

I never understood the hype about 'dying peacefully'. No CTB method is peaceful. The whole point is to end suffering.

If my only method available was brutal or not guaranteed, I'd still try it. I have nothing to lose. I'm very desperate.

 

[Dolphin(Ash)]

Personally, I'm done, It's not "I want" to ctb It's a "I will", just looking for methods, maybe help some people who are struggling similarly, or directing people away from the direction I went down I guess. Really I just want to go, and to go with someone.

 

[Exhausted546]

I will say this; I am 70 and I have seen through the decades and my own experience too darn much suffering that comes from smoking, drinking and other means.

Now parlay that into wishful thinking of ctb means and then rethink.

I have seen folks in hospice and hospitals in oxygen tents and laying in a bed zapped up on every pain killer and gasping for breath. Even more than those previous items.

so, YES, I will ALWAYS help folks who have less life experience at least think REALLY through things. Knee jerk actions and reactions can bring hell on earth when someone wakes up in a hospital and is told that their minds and/or bodies are messed up from a ctb try.

I have nightmare, for real on occasion, of this and I do NOT want any poor soul to have to go through this.

CTB, fine, np problem, BUT maybe, just maybe certain modes/methods are a HUGE no no.

It is quite easy to give advice and motivate someone to ctb with a mode that might bring a hell of a lot more harm than anything ever.

It is much harder, at least for me to read a post about a poor soul suffering and thinking of a mode that instantly brings to my mind images, and then put a post up just trying for them to take a step back and REALLY think it through.

After that, if they so choose to, at least they have a complete foundation of knowing what they are getting into and if they wake up in a medical facility, they KNEW it before hand and NOT after.

I WILL never ever till my least breath want anyone to have to live another x time frame in a damaged body and /or brain, NEVER!

It would break my heart so much, so, when I read where someone is thinking of a mode that has a chance or a good chance of messing a person up and waking up, you darn right well know that I am going to help them take a step back, think it through, THEN go forward.

Walter

This made me think, was gonna do my method in using my bedroom door initially but the lock is faulty, the door might open up under all that weight for all I know. Better use the bathroom door that actually locks just to be safe. It might seem like a minor change but minor changes are all that separate death and a lifetime of horrible suffering

 

[valar_morghulis21]

I'm her

i don't necessarily think it's fair that someone who's here as a "cry for help" will recommend certains methods
to the other people who actively are looking for real, (almost) guaranteed methods.

methods which might make their lives even worse, with serious permanent life-long effects, if they survive.

or, let's say... they don't die which they wanted to, so instead get sent to the psych ward because someone finds them, when they thought they would be dead by then.
and then their lives are even worse after that.

because i've noticed there's quite a bit of discouragement when it comes to hardcore methods such as drowning.

some people would gladly take those 6 minutes of suffering to obtian peace, because their entire lives have been full of suffering anyway.

it's great if someone still has hope for this world...

but we gotta respect there's different people on here with entirely different wishes.

I'm here to get real one day. I already run out of my 'cry for help' ever since growing up LOL. It took me quite a while and research effort to find this forum so I mean business

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

I'm here for both reasons and neither reason, if that makes sense. I'm here to help myself and others. I have gone through situations, and continue to go through situations, where my suicidal ideation is urgent and genuine. I like knowing that I have options at my disposal if I ever decide I can't go on any more. However, I have so far decided that life is worth living and as long as that's true, I will be here to listen and offer advice to people who ask for it. If I decide to end my life, I will seek the support of this community in doing so.

 

[fadedghost]

i don't want to be gone forever, necessarily; i don't hate myself or always dislike all aspects of living. it's more that i don't think my problems can be solved. some of them are medical, some of them are trauma caused by the person who attacked me, some are trauma caused by "treatment" for having emotional and brain issues after trauma (ie, "treatment" that was just more trauma). Medical technology can not currently treat the medical problems I have, and I don't want to keep waiting and suffering for the chance at some possible cure that may never come. I just don't want to live this way. So eventually, I'm hoping I'll make my final suicide attempt before 2030. People have also been so mean to me: family, strangers, everyone, former friends... I am probably just over it?

My worst fear is being forced to live and having my right to die being taken away by being in a pysch ward making it significantly harder.

that happened to me and it was terrifying

 

[rainatthebusstop]

Live is tied to suffering and I don't want to suffer anymore. But I also fear SI kicking in, ruining it. I fear someone will stop me. I am afraid my attempt will leave me disabled beyond belief. I am convinced I will fail unless I find a method that truly and 100% works, even for the stupidest on planet earth.