Are you going to air any grievances towards anyone in your note?

[stoiccactus]

Not leaving a note for anyone, going to delete all digital presences and truncate my decades old gmail account so there isn't a trace I was ever here. The people the most responsible don't deserve even to know.

 

[DOHARDTHINGS24]

I've brought it up to them before, it's just been "that never happened", "I don't remember that", all that jazz. It's also not the sole reason I'm CTBing, but it was a core reason to why I am the way I am today, so it's kind of causing it indirectly

You're right though, I don't think I want the last thing I leave for people to remember me by to be negative

You're "…" are word for word what I got too. At least I don't question myself anymore. I know I didn't get here just by my own hand, I'm here from shitty genetics (physical ill health), neglect, trauma & abuse - the last line you said about being negative - this is where I literally alternate every second day - day one = negative legacy, they didn't acknowledge in life, why would they in death, why give them that power???? day 2 = these motherfuckers should feel every ounce of my fury, process on "some" level that they contributed, & that saying so in a note is a sign of strength in an act many deem is week. But then back to day one, where my knowing is enough. And around and around and around we go. Faaaarrrrkkk

 

[Bleneviola]

I have my note written, and I have chosen to keep it pretty simple and straightforward without placing blame on anyone. And I'm sure that's how I'll leave it.

But...part of me is a still resentful that the people who are responsible for my trauma, who then continued to try to paint me as the one with issues, aren't going to be held accountable. I don't know if they've ever acknowledged to themselves what they did, and at this point I'm past the point of trying to gain any kind of resolution. I've tried bringing it up in the past, but it's been dismissed and ignored. So at least with this I would get the final say. Maybe that's just vindictive and cruel, and I probably won't end up doing it so I can continue to think of myself as a "good" person, but part of me really thinks about it

I'm not entirely sure. I do want to let my professor know how her actions hurt me and that she should absolutely not consider being a therapist. But then again I don't want to ruin her life

 

[Catch-22]

I only air my grievances on Festivus☺

 

[Beyond_Repair]

You're "…" are word for word what I got too. At least I don't question myself anymore. I know I didn't get here just by my own hand, I'm here from shitty genetics (physical ill health), neglect, trauma & abuse - the last line you said about being negative - this is where I literally alternate every second day - day one = negative legacy, they didn't acknowledge in life, why would they in death, why give them that power???? day 2 = these motherfuckers should feel every ounce of my fury, process on "some" level that they contributed, & that saying so in a note is a sign of strength in an act many deem is week. But then back to day one, where my knowing is enough. And around and around and around we go. Faaaarrrrkkk

Sorry for the late reply to this, but I just wanted to say I don't question myself anymore either. I acknowledge I was/am being gaslit and what happened to me was real and was damaging. I'm glad to hear it's the same for you.

I also alternate between wanting to leave a positive legacy vs wanting to yell to the skies what I know to be true. After thinking about it, I don't think there's any real point, nothing will change, no one will acknowledge.

It's a real dilemma

 

[sovcat]

I go back-and-forth on this. Some notes I've drafted I explained and blamed, but others were vague as to not hurt anyone's feelings. I'm not sure what I'll eventually do. It will depend how I am, spiritually speaking. If I feel justified and don't care about what judgement I get in the afterlife then I will use a note full of explanation and blame.

 

[LittleMoose]

I've tossed around the idea of telling two people in my family how much they've hurt me. But the thing is, they already know they hurt me. Especially the one, who went out of her way to hurt me emotionally. So I don't see the point in my case, I know they don't care. In fact, they might even enjoy knowing how much they damaged me.

 

[annasplight]

I think I will. Although I was the one who did the most wrong in my situation, I still think the way that some of my old friends in that situation tried to say that my suicide attempts were fucking just for attention??? I want them to realize how fucking badly words hurt. I want them to realize that I loved them with my entire heart and soul, only for them to not listen to me in the end.

I also just want people to review the situation they felt so righteous in. I want them to think about what they did, I want them to feel appalled for what they said to me. I want them to feel disgusted with themselves after they blatantly lied about me, made assumptions about me and put them out there in the world as fact.
I just want them to apologize.

 

[Beyond_Repair]

I've tossed around the idea of telling two people in my family how much they've hurt me. But the thing is, they already know they hurt me. Especially the one, who went out of her way to hurt me emotionally. So I don't see the point in my case, I know they don't care. In fact, they might even enjoy knowing how much they damaged me.

I relate so much to this. I think even the pretending it didn't exist and knowing how much that hurts me also gives them pleasure. I've come to conclusion it's a way to blow off steam for them, I'm a safe person who won't fight back, and how it affects me is inconsequential because I am less than human in their eyes

 

[DOHARDTHINGS24]

Sorry for the late reply to this, but I just wanted to say I don't question myself anymore either. I acknowledge I was/am being gaslit and what happened to me was real and was damaging. I'm glad to hear it's the same for you.

I also alternate between wanting to leave a positive legacy vs wanting to yell to the skies what I know to be true. After thinking about it, I don't think there's any real point, nothing will change, no one will acknowledge.

It's a real dilemma

I've written rants, like crazy person angry rants, just spewing it out, holding nothing back.
But if they're never wrong, there's no point.
And I'm talking physical & sexual abuse as well as the emotional stuff - I don't have words for people who pretend that didn't happen. I think maybe they've got a forcefield around them, where anything that should get in, just bounces back off.
They can't hear it or accept it.
And maybe that's how they keep living, but it's how I'm going to die.
The note I had originally planned to leave was about 9 words & hadn't changed in my head for years - never even had to write it down, just occasionally wondered about proper grammar, not my strong suit, not something I can exactly get someone to proofread for me…
And it's kind, not unkind.
And I was going to let everybody off the hook. For all of the abuse.
But when it worsened, that's when the dilemma started. I think maybe let everyone off the hook except one??? But I can picture them reframing it & actually using it as a tool to "prove" I was crazy. Like it might actually validate them. FFS. I don't know.
I feel like there should be a dummies guide book on how to do this better than I am.
I think maybe back to my 9 or so words as my note.
And a separate one just listing my wishes regarding resuscitation etc.
Or can I just copy yours??
Is this something I can cheat at???
That'd be a huge fucking relief.
Not trying to be insensitive - I'm very sorry that you're here too.

 

[ThisGameIsOverrated]

I don't see the point of tryna get revenge if you won't even be alive to witness it so no

 

[Imagined_Euphoria]

I won't have a note. I have nothing to say to anyone who will find me. They probably already know it will end that way.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

No. All I will write is "do not resuscitate" and few sentences about how euthanasia should be available to everybody, not just the terminally ill elderly people.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

The final (completely written) suicide note will not name any individual person for multiple reasons:

1. It is intended to be mostly anonymous, and is only to be read if my corpse is discovered - which I do not want.
2. The note will express my thoughts that led to me deciding that suicide was the correct option, and the majority of these thoughts relate to my general outlook on life.
3. Being mistreated by other people is partly the reason for wishing to commit suicide, but there is no one specifically who has influenced this decision, and it is the general population around me instead - mostly strangers. Yes: there are certain individual people and groups - such as certain neighbors - who are very awful, but they are not the reason for me wanting to die; they are not even worth thinking about when coming to the ultimate decision; I was having suicidal thoughts before these disgusting excuses for human beings even "entered the picture", so to speak.

 

[Beyond_Repair]

.But when it worsened, that's when the dilemma started. I think maybe let everyone off the hook except one??? But I can picture them reframing it & actually using it as a tool to "prove" I was crazy. Like it might actually validate them. FFS. I don't know.
I feel like there should be a dummies guide book on how to do this better than I am.
I think maybe back to my 9 or so words as my note.
And a separate one just listing my wishes regarding resuscitation etc.
Or can I just copy yours??
Is this something I can cheat at???
That'd be a huge fucking relief.
Not trying to be insensitive - I'm very sorry that you're here too.

It's definitely difficult. For me it was difficult trying to strike a balance between explaining my reasons in a way that they might understand (I was suffering constantly from emotional pain, I have never felt that I belonged in this world) while also expressing that I have thoughtfully weighed my options and have an honest evaluation of my temperament and abilities. I also thought about mentioning that the idea of working and doing the same thing over and over and over to survive is not something I can picture myself doing, although I worried that might come across and lazy and entitled and not really a valid reason (and invalidating many members of my family who happily do the same thing), so I left that part out.

I don't know if it will be helpful for you, but this resource is what I used to help me focus on what to write and what not to write. I made sure to include that it's no one's fault and nothing could have changed my decision. Which is not entirely true, but the most important thing for me is to prove that I am not "crazy" so that that judgement cannot be made against me. I know it won't matter once I'm gone, but the thought of a certain family member insisting to everyone that I was insane and not in touch with reality is something I want to prevent as much as possible.

 

[DOHARDTHINGS24]

It's definitely difficult. For me it was difficult trying to strike a balance between explaining my reasons in a way that they might understand (I was suffering constantly from emotional pain, I have never felt that I belonged in this world) while also expressing that I have thoughtfully weighed my options and have an honest evaluation of my temperament and abilities. I also thought about mentioning that the idea of working and doing the same thing over and over and over to survive is not something I can picture myself doing, although I worried that might come across and lazy and entitled and not really a valid reason (and invalidating many members of my family who happily do the same thing), so I left that part out.

I don't know if it will be helpful for you, but this resource is what I used to help me focus on what to write and what not to write. I made sure to include that it's no one's fault and nothing could have changed my decision. Which is not entirely true, but the most important thing for me is to prove that I am not "crazy" so that that judgement cannot be made against me. I know it won't matter once I'm gone, but the thought of a certain family member insisting to everyone that I was insane and not in touch with reality is something I want to prevent as much as possible.

Yep. Giving anyone ammunition about correlating the bus with crazy is why I think I'll just let them get away with it. Maybe add to the do not resuscitate part a note to my doctor assuring them they couldn't have prevented it. To reassure them, to have it in writing if they get questioned by any medical officials but also selfishly because they'll know, like I know, that I've been depressed in the distant past, it's somewhere between possible & probable that it would happen again, but that it's been a long, long time & that this decision was rational & inevitable & that I'm in my right mind. They will know that's true & trust me & maybe that's all I need to leave behind. And my 9 kind words - they're not going anywhere. Everything else is still undecided, but even if I leave nothing else behind, 9 kind words will be my legacy to the recipients of the 9 kind words.

 

[Manfrotto99]

No I wouldn't give anyone that pleasure - they wouldn't care less and would only deny it anyway. It would give them even more reason to say good residence and be glad I was gone