Discussion Are you ever not passively suicidal? Poll

[Forever Sleep]

Just curious really. I imagine the majority of people here have at the very minimum- passive ideation. Or- a wish to die (with no solid plan.) I imagine those thoughts are fairly persistant for people to go to the lengths of finding a forum like this.

For me- I would say I am pretty much always passively suicidal. I guess I could be described as actively suicidal because I do have a plan in mind- although- seeing as I have no imminant plans to carry it out- I'd say it was more passive. At the very best points in my life- I have still felt comfortable with the idea of dying at that point.

How about you though? Is ideation always there for you to some degree- or, do you still experience times where you want to live?

 

[TeflonMummy]

I keep finding ways to distract myself from how the world is going but I'm always reminded it's all pointless. I'm a bit weird in that I actually sometimes like there to be struggle or something to strive for in my life; but these days it feels like the world isn't going to allow a lot of people to exist in it anymore. It just makes me want to get over it already.

 

[Source Energy]

No, I have thought about dying and wished to die for years. I found SS googling Nembutal and assisted suicide. I found the site too late for N, but since I got SN, the call of the void became stronger. I think about it every hour.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm always wishing to not exist pretty much every waking moment, I despise existing, it's totally pointless and unnecessary, I find it tiring just being conscious and aware. I just think that overall existing isn't for me and I don't see existence as being a desirable state at all.

I've never wished to exist here and could never do, I don't see any value in delaying the inevitable just to risk experiencing even worse suffering at any moment. It's truly something so hopeless existing here in this world, I have lots of dread for what could potentially lie ahead, existence terrifies me but even without extreme suffering all that remains is emptiness and dissatisfaction and the awareness that everything is futile. All that is inevitable for us as humans is even more suffering, loss and decay so for me it makes sense wanting to die. We will all die anyway and it's logical wanting to avoid unnecessary problems and pain, just being awake makes the thought of not existing sound so incredibly appealing.

 

[NoLightRemains]

I voted "no" due to this episode of suicide ideation lasting years and I don't think it will ever change at this point. I was suicidal as a teenager and it did actually go away for a few years during my adulthood as my situation improved. Life is a brutal cycle I'm growing tired of.

 

[msocks]

It varies wildly for me. I'll have suicidal ideation many times an hour to weeks inbetween.

 

[violetchiwawa]

I never truly want to live and stay but there are times when the pain is quieter you know?

 

[outrider567]

No, always thinking of CTB

 

[unsaiddes]

I've had near constant passive ideation for about 4 years now. If I'm thoroughly distracted, I won't think about CTB for a few hours to a day or so at best. Besides that, it's hard to escape the ideation because the passive is triggered by practically all emotions, memories, and experiences, and the active by any of those phenomena occuring more intensely.

 

[Lamentice]

I'm more often actively suicidal, and have been for years. I've been planning, replanning, reevaluating plans, and planning again for years--ending up in some pathetically failed attempts....

Taking walks around the city or outside of it, always picking out areas that I could kill myself from: tall skyscrapers, active train tracks, drowning myself in bodies of water, thinking maybe when there's an extreme cold warning I'll go outside and let myself freeze, diving into a body of water during winter and letting myself die, etc. Constantly imagining myself dying to any method I can see or touch that is accessible--noting them down in my head & keeping track of backups.

It's rarely just a desire to disappear, I'm always surveilling for potential methods, or thinking about the one I've decided on. This really will be my escape, I absolutely have to get out of here.

 

[bladerunner6]

No, have been wanting to die for over half my life. The desire to leave this absurd place has only increased, the older I got.