Are You Afraid of the Process of Dying?

[TheCyberian]

I've been thinking a lot about my upcoming attempt to CTB, and the one thing that's making me the most apprehensive is what I might experience when I lose consciousness and begin truly dying.

I don't fear the half hour of discomfort or the afterlife, but I'm scared that I might experience cardiac arrest and feel everything. Or maybe my brain will go hayware and release tons of DMT and give me the last bad trip of my life.

Do you fear what will happen while you're dying? If you've narrowly survived an attempt, do you remember any experiences from when you lost consciousness and were dying?

 

[Brayu]

I've been thinking a lot about my upcoming attempt to CTB, and the one thing that's making me the most apprehensive is what I might experience when I lose consciousness and begin truly dying.

I don't fear the half hour of discomfort or the afterlife, but I'm scared that I might experience cardiac arrest and feel everything. Or maybe my brain will go hayware and release tons of DMT and give me the last bad trip of my life.

Do you fear what will happen while you're dying? If you've narrowly survived an attempt, do you remember any experiences from when you lost consciousness and were dying?

It's weird to explain... I remember something (like a dream and strange sounds in my head, I can't explain... it was a lull that stunned me)

 

[Lonerzepam]

Some people say they didn't feel a thing or felt fine, even good for night-night method. Idk about partial but it seems more feasible to me. I don't know if death (no simulation) is pain, or complete simulation is pain. Both ideas scare me nonetheless. Maybe I can help put your mind at ease by telling you that many people report not feeling anything when they choose the right method like night-night or I don't remember if it was N or SN.. (although they failed obviously). If you're really worried about the process of dying then a gun is a good method, instant like flipping off a light switch. What method are you considering?

Yeah I'm scared of the process too. I sometimes hold my breath to get to know how it feels like. I obviously don't like it. Also I overdosed on Heroin a couple times and not being able to breath is just freightening. A gun would be my prefered method too. Maybe even more then N...

 

[FuneralCry]

The thing that I fear the most is a method failing, and ending up with some sort of damage. The thought of that is absolutely horrific to me. If it was guaranteed that I would die after attempting ctb then my fear of actually going through the dying process would be much less, especially if the method is very peaceful. If I had N I believe that I wouldn't have any fear, I would just be relieved that I have that option and that I can peacefully free myself from this existence.

 

[BehindTheWall]

I'm not afraid. I know I will have some discomfort during the process but it won't last long. My biggest fear is maybe vomit. I hate vomiting. Like really.

 

[TheCyberian]

Some people say they didn't feel a thing or felt fine, even good for night-night method. Idk about partial but it seems more feasible to me. I don't know if death (no simulation) is pain, or complete simulation is pain. Both ideas scare me nonetheless. Maybe I can help put your mind at ease by telling you that many people report not feeling anything when they choose the right method like night-night or I don't remember if it was N or SN.. (although they failed obviously). If you're really worried about the process of dying then a gun is a good method, instant like flipping off a light switch. What method are you considering?

I'm planning to follow the new PPH protocol for SN with a less heavy dose of benzos. I've read several threads about failed SN attempts and some of them mention being revived in the hospital or the ambulance with no idea that their hearts had stopped, so I might just be overthinking things. I think the fear of the unknown is very powerful regardless of peaceful/painless the method is. I've overdosed on benzos + alcohol before and I remember entering a sort of dreamless sleep that I only have vague recollections of. Hopefully SN will be peaceful in the end like that too.

 

[jodes2]

When you lose consciousness, you don't feel anything! You don't need to worry about that. What you do have to worry about are the side effects before you go unconscious, while you're still conscious. SN is pretty gnarly, fast heart rate, sore throat and stomach, headache, bad taste, difficulty catching breath, nausea, dizziness, it's quite the combination. To feel that for 20 minutes will not be nice.

 

[TheCyberian]

When you lose consciousness, you don't feel anything! You don't need to worry about that. What you do have to worry about are the side effects before you go unconscious, while you're still conscious. SN is pretty gnarly, fast heart rate, sore throat and stomach, headache, bad taste, difficulty catching breath, nausea, dizziness, it's quite the combination. To feel that for 20 minutes will not be nice.

Maybe, but it does at least sound bearable. I'm hoping it won't feel any worse than going for a jog with a really bad hangover lol

 

[jodes2]

Maybe, but it does at least sound bearable. I'm hoping it won't feel any worse than going for a jog with a really bad hangover lol

But the speed also in which it comes on is going to be a bit terrifying. Going for a job with a hangover is a great analogy for minimising the distress, but any of the symptoms could become unbearable at which point I can see my determination wavering, with terrifying fear of symptoms leading me to call for help

 

[TheCyberian]

But the speed also in which it comes on is going to be a bit terrifying. Going for a job with a hangover is a great analogy for minimising the distress, but any of the symptoms could become unbearable at which point I can see my determination wavering, with terrifying fear of symptoms leading me to call for help

That's why I'm opting for propranolol and a large dose of benzos, personally. I think benzos are really essential when it comes to combatting SI because they make you not give a fuck about anything (or significantly dull the distress at least). What do you think about locking communication devices in a time locked safe? I'm contemplating doing that so I can't feasibly call for help even if the fear in the moment makes me want to.

 

[willitpass]

when i tried SN after i passed out i no longer was there. i didn't experience anything, i ceased to exist. similar to going under anesthesia. the only reason i survived is a panicked and told someone what i was doing and they called for help

 

[jodes2]

why I'm opting for propranolol and a large dose of benzos, personally. I think benzos are really essential when it comes to combatting SI because they make you not give a fuck about anything (or significantly dull the distress at least). What do you think about locking communication devices in a time locked safe? I'm contemplating doing that so I can't feasibly call for help even if the fear in the moment makes me want to.

A time locked safe is a great idea! But is it feasible to lock up PCs and laptops and tablets too so you can't even send emails? Benzos are a good idea, but I've never had enough benzos to know what that contentment feels like. The low doses I've been on have done bugger all

 

[TheCyberian]

when i tried SN after i passed out i no longer was there. i didn't experience anything, i ceased to exist. similar to going under anesthesia. the only reason i survived is a panicked and told someone what i was doing and they called for help

Thank you for sharing. That's relieving to hear. How did you feel during the time before losing consciousness if you don't mind me asking? Were the symptoms of SN poisoning what caused you to panic or was it the fear of dying?

A time locked safe is a great idea! But is it feasible to lock up PCs and laptops and tablets too so you can't even send emails? Benzos are a good idea, but I've never had enough benzos to know what that contentment feels like. The low doses I've been on have done bugger all

I think it would be feasible if a time locked padlock was used instead of a safe. It could be used to lock something large like a chest or a trunk that would easily fit larger electronics. Maybe I would still try to alert my neighbors to get help, but I doubt I would have the ability to clearly communicate what's wrong as long I tough through the initial part of the experience.

 

[jodes2]

Thank you for sharing. That's relieving to hear. How did you feel during the time before losing consciousness if you don't mind me asking? Were the symptoms of SN poisoning what caused you to panic or was it the fear of dying?

I think it would be feasible if a time locked padlock was used instead of a safe. It could be used to lock something large like a chest or a trunk that would easily fit larger electronics. Maybe I would still try to alert my neighbors to get help, but I doubt I would have the ability to clearly communicate what's wrong as long I tough through the initial part of the experience.

I have social anxiety and avoidant PD so I'd be too scared to go to neighbours thankfully. By the time I did, if I did, I'd be virtually unconscious anyway, though I guess they could still save me if that happens since death takes a little while

 

[lumipallo]

Terribly so. Any non-instant method, in my mind, would just trigger an immediate panic attack. There's no scenario where I take SN and don't flip out the very next second.

 

[CTB Dream]

Afraid pain suffering only, peace methd no afarid thud life all terrible ctb less afraid, need peace method easy if have n do immediate no think no hesitate have enough life real cruel terrible

 

[niiina]

I'm afraid of failing again and I'm scared of the agony of my method (full suspension)

 

[BipolarExpress]

I'm also afraid of the process of dying. It's not being dead I'm afraid of; it's being aware that my life is ending.

 

[outrider567]

I've been thinking a lot about my upcoming attempt to CTB, and the one thing that's making me the most apprehensive is what I might experience when I lose consciousness and begin truly dying.

I don't fear the half hour of discomfort or the afterlife, but I'm scared that I might experience cardiac arrest and feel everything. Or maybe my brain will go hayware and release tons of DMT and give me the last bad trip of my life.

Do you fear what will happen while you're dying? If you've narrowly survived an attempt, do you remember any experiences from when you lost consciousness and were dying?

According to actor Peter Sellers, cardiac arrest is totally painless and just like going to sleep--As he so stated in a news conference back in 1964, he had many cardiac arrests

 

[Vegetale]

I admit I'm afraid of dying for the same reason. But in the end I asked myself, what's the point of being afraid? In fact my life is completely based on fear, I'm alive not because I want to live but because I'm afraid to die, but what's the point? Sooner or later I will die anyway, the only thing that will have changed is time, I will surely have lived a shitty life and when I die in a hospital bed I will ask myself...why didn't I kill myself earlier to spare myself this horror of life ?

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

Consciousness is very energy consuming. If the energy supply of the brain is stopped for example when the blood flow to the brain is blocked by hanging, the brain goes into its energy saving mode - with other words you, pass out. So why should you comeback to consciousness if the blood flow is still blocked?
On the other hand, if we really get back in a state of consciousness during the process of dying it will happen anyway no matter if we kill our selves or if we die for other reasons.

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

I'm terrified of the process I just can't see how it won't be uncomfortable I'm hoping when I do go it will be quick. I've suffered enough imo

 

[Un-]

To be quite honest, it's not the manner in which I die that scares me. I plan on taking SN. That's not scary.

But I guess I'm traumatised by a dream I had in which I was shot and killed. I died in my dream. And I was terrified. Slowly fading out of existence.. Being unable to see, then only hear your breathing.. I'll never forget how it felt. And it terrifies me to no end.

It's not about whether it hurts, but it's about.. Having no control. You're dying. You're losing yourself.. And you have no say in the matter.

I probably sound like a looney. Whatever..

 

[achromatic]

Yes, that's why I will probably wait till I'll get propranolol at least, even though I was tempted to just wing it and take my SN " raw " tomorrow. I have wpw syndrome and get tachyarrhythmia naturally, so I'm double scared that it make my dying from sn experience worse then average let's call it
also terrified of blind & paralysed, but still aware moment possible before losing consciousness - not that I think that it's something sure to happen.

 

[actual_fox]

Bran will experience lack of oxygen before heart will.

 

[Regen]

Yes. I am afraid.
I am allways in panic if something with my body ist not allright. So i am very afraid of dying.