Discussion are you actually gonna do it or is it just to cope?

[1br4h1m]

i realized that i only ever think about suicide as a way to cope for difficult situations in my life. i don't think ill ever actually do it. im too much of a coward and a delusional retard. i always subconsciously think my life will somehow get better even though it's only gotten worse. but that delusion keeps me from making any permanent decisions.

wbu? do you feel the same or are you genuinely gonna do it?

 

[Maki9]

I relate to you. Something strong is holding be back from doing it currently and it scares me

 

[coolcow1289]

It only works as a cope for so long. Eventually your brain wisens up to the ruse, and it doesn't work anymore. You don't get relief because deep down you know you aren't going to do it.

So then you have to start taking actions. To get that same relief. Writing a note, buying a gun, etc. Steps to prove to yourself that you're serious.

Then it eventually comes down to whether you're impulsive enough to take the final step.

 

[k.mihaaa]

i realized that i only ever think about suicide as a way to cope for difficult situations in my life. i don't think ill ever actually do it. im too much of a coward and a delusional retard. i always subconsciously think my life will somehow get better even though it's only gotten worse. but that delusion keeps me from making any permanent decisions.

wbu? do you feel the same or are you genuinely gonna do it?

I don't know for sure but I'm making the plan, just in case. If I could, I'd do it at this very moment.

 

[itsgone2]

It's not to cope. But also can't say definitely doing. I would if it were something easy. A terrible wildcard.

 

[silentroom123]

I'm definitely scared of many things, but I'm probably going to hang myself on Thursday

 

[SleeplessAndSad]

I think for me it's mostly to cope.
On my worst days i can be pretty impulsive though, so who knows…

In my case, i think it's good that most of the things you need for sn are hard to get.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I'm unsure if I will actually go through with killing myself anytime soon but I don't necessarily think it's cope for me. I am 100% sure I will die by my own hands at some point whether it be now or in a matter of years.

 

[daruino]

I think both. I don't have any set date to kill myself but i think about it every day. I'm sure I will die by suicide eventually unless I get into some fatal accident before that. I just have never imagined myself to grow old for example. I want out and it'll be the best thing I have ever done for myself.

 

[LastDayOnEarth]

I will do it but I also cope. No set date yet

 

[gardenoflonely]

atp i guess actually do it. i ask to be talked out of it then but nothing has been useful. i'm too scared to keep going like this

 

[Isolatedloser]

A lot of coping but I wish I was a different person.

 

[DivineBreadEnjoyer]

The idea of being able to always ctb if it doesn't get better gives me hope
I struggle with choosing a method tho, I want to have one that I can use whenever
Id say when everything is ready I'm just waiting for myself to be in peace with dying, if I can't take it anymore
It's not gonna be like I plan it with a date or something, if I'm ready I'm ready, if not I'm not

 

[Casoperso]

suicide was a coping mechanism in my teen years. Now I am serious, and unless something happens, I am going to CTB this summer

 

[tender/branson]

I think about this often when I have the impulse to end it, yet I never go through.Part of me still has hope for tomorrow but i'm not sure how much longer I can hold onto that.

 

[brokenhands]

definitely a cope for now and has been for a pretty long time. the thought that I can just ctb if nothing works out is oddly calming. I remain passively suicidal, meaning that if something goes south with my health or I get in an emergency situation - I don't try to save myself, and somehow I'm alive despite numerous times I could have easily died. I just leave it "up to fate" for now as I don't really care whether to live or to die, both of them seem equal to me, one of them just more foreign. I'm very apathetic to the thought of my own death, but I keep living because it is more familiar and I am used to it

 

[starboy2k]

Im actually gonna do it.

 

[Echo]

I seem to alternate between wanting to recover and just completely giving up, can vary day to day. Think that's why I have never bought a method, bit worried about having it to hand in case i attempt impulsively. But I do think to myself well if I hit rock bottom I'll just ctb so I do use it as a coping mechanism.

 

[itsallogrenow]

I've 100% given up on life, it's now just doing the act.

I've set a date for the 27th May but the unreliability of my method may put me off.

 

[Bitterly_Nostalgic]

I've been on both sides. I've used my suicidal thoughts as a way cope for many, many years. Previously I've also made two attempts on my life that I fully intended and hoped would result in my death, and somewhat recently came very near to making a third.

Now I'm trying really hard to not fall back into the trap of letting my suicidal ideations become a way to cope again.

 

[Phyreen]

I hope so. I keep backing away from it, but it's got to happen. I just can't cope with all the suffering like this. It's just, I can't believe that my life is going to end like this. Idk. I wish my life had been happier.

 

[StoneCactus]

If I knew 100% my SN was going to work I'd take it tomorrow after fasting overnight. I'm just scared of it failing, followed by my losing my job and being committed for a long time. The commitment would cost me my life savings and leave me homeless in a city without any long-term shelter beds for single men who aren't veterans.

 

[hurts2b]

i realized that i only ever think about suicide as a way to cope for difficult situations in my life. i don't think ill ever actually do it. im too much of a coward and a delusional retard. i always subconsciously think my life will somehow get better even though it's only gotten worse. but that delusion keeps me from making any permanent decisions.

wbu? do you feel the same or are you genuinely gonna do it?

I feel this a lot of time. I have no prospects for "improvement" it's all just a delusion, truly. But I'm also a coward with a strong survival instinct. I'm trying to come to terms with the idea of doing it. I think don't think dying any other way makes sense for me. It's really not a choice at all. I am not fit for planet earth.

 

[TheHangman]

I know I will, just haven't set a date. Hoping for preferably female partner to hang with me. Not looking for "benefits", just do not want to be alone.

 

[ih34rty0u]

i don't know.
i used to think im never gonna buy SN and i did.
everything can happen, if something really triggers me and there won't be anyone around, it's pretty possible.

tbh, ive been feeling like i have no control of my life and im just watching everything happen from the side. watching my life getting ruined and im just waiting for death but i can't tell when it's gonna happen.

but fantasizing about suicide is a valid cope regardless. it ironically kept me going sometimes.

 

[isthisthingon]

Just waiting on my camping supplies and then I'll be on my way.

 

[ChemicallyCalm]

I would like to do it but the truth is i'm a coward, it's scary and it's a lot of effort (for a truly efficient method)

if OTC medications weren't a non-method and I could OD and it would 100% (or maybe even as low as 70%) kill me then I would of been gone a long time ago

 

[isthisthingon]

I've 100% given up on life, it's now just doing the act.

I've set a date for the 27th May but the unreliability of my method may put me off.

Which method are you considering?

I would like to do it but the truth is i'm a coward, it's scary and it's a lot of effort (for a truly efficient method)

if OTC medications weren't a non-method and I could OD and it would 100% (or maybe even as low as 70%) kill me then I would of been gone a long time ago

Before this forum I always thought OD was one of the best options. Boy was I wrong

 

[Forveleth]

I have many attempts under my belt and each one failing made me angry. I never wanted to live a long life but at this point I want to actively avoid existing.