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brokensea

brokensea

Arcanist
Aug 4, 2022
405
I've seen many people gone from suicide here.

SI is very real and takes almost super human strength to overcome. I'm not sure how you can find fault with a severely depressed person who backs out or can't make themselves do something they want to do because your brain sometimes literally takes over your body and stops you. You're fighting millions of years of evolution and survival instinct.

I take all the posts seriously and if someone is wanting attention I don't think they're ok to be on a suicide forum trying to get attention in the first place so why would I judge them for being lonely and in pain and having nowhere to go.

Am I supposed to prefer they die rather than fake me out? Or be upset about that? Hey man thought you were gonna die why you lying? It's a bizzare thing to feel cheated about that someone has to die to entertain you. I don't truly want anyone to die even if I feel that way myself. I more mean I wish no one had to suffer to bring them to this point and that life was not this way.
 
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G

gimzero

Student
Aug 15, 2022
148
Even if we didnt go from suicide we go from something else we design to die.
 
hunterfla

hunterfla

Experienced
Sep 13, 2022
227
I was having no problem with my plan, until a wonderful person here pointed out that what I had was sodium nitrate, not nitrite. This won't get the job done. My God, I cannot take another failure. So if anyone had a source in the US, please let me know.

I was having no problem with my plan, until a wonderful person here pointed out that what I had was sodium nitrate, not nitrite. This won't get the job done. My God, I cannot take another failure. So if anyone had a source in the US, please let me
I did the same thing, bought nitrate then had to buy nitrite. The original reason I bought nitrate was because of the story of Matthew Mindler, the actor who ctb last year. They said repeatedly that he used sodium nitrAte and even showed a photo of the package. This leads me to believe either nitrate will work - maybe just slower, or they intentionally misrepresented the product to try to dissuade others from following in his footsteps.
Even if we didnt go from suicide we go from something else we design to die.
I think about this all the time. It's not like suicides are doing something radical - they are just changing the timing. Personally, I think I'd rather go a little "early" than continue deteriorating until my body and mind completely fails me. I feel more pity/sadness for the elderly that I see who can't even control their bowels or walk without limping/wheelchair simply because of age than for people who die young. But that's just me.
 
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makethepainstop

makethepainstop

Visionary
Sep 16, 2022
2,029
L
I did the same thing, bought nitrate then had to buy nitrite. The original reason I bought nitrate was because of the story of Matthew Mindler, the actor who ctb last year. They said repeatedly that he used sodium nitrAte and even showed a photo of the package. This leads me to believe either nitrate will work - maybe just slower, or they intentionally misrepresented the product to try to dissuade others from following in his footsteps.

I think about this all the time. It's not like suicides are doing something radical - they are just changing the timing. Personally, I think I'd rather go a little "early" than continue deteriorating until my body and mind completely fails me. I feel more pity/sadness for the elderly that I see who can't even control their bowels or walk without limping/wheelchair simply because of age than for people who die young. But that's just me.
Love to know where you got yours.
 
👁

👁️👃👁️

Enlightened
Aug 14, 2022
1,292
I'm new here and recently discovered SN method after reading and following the final accounts of someone who blogged their final hours after drinking SN in hotel.
That shit made my heart pound just following reading it. It made me realise how real suicide is. He said his heart started racing then I guess he was gone… no more posts. Just people farewelling over the internet which felt like some eerie suicide cult. Not that they had anything but good wishes, just the whole notion of suicide being so casual was strange to witness for first time… and that's just posts on a forum. I wasn't a member at the time, but I had a hypercritical instinct to reach out to him and tell him not to do it. But he was gone.

I'm glad you bought yourself more time. I hope you you have moments of peace in that time. I don't think I can go through with SN. I already suffer anxiety, the heart rate and anticipation waiting is a no for me. I've chosen the exit bag. I hope you negotiate your suffering and live a long peaceful life.
Wh

Whats SI?
Sounds like Tucker..
 
Lost Magic

Lost Magic

Illuminated
May 5, 2020
3,206
Well, we are programmed to survive at all costs despite the suffering we may be enduring. Suicide is one of the most painful and difficult decisions most of us will make. I mean it is the end of everything that we know. We know nothing of what lies ahead and that is daunting for many people. I don't even know If I will write a goodbye thread because even I don't know for sure when that time will come. I hope to have the courage to be gone within a year. However, things can change and that's okay too.
 
SexyIncél

SexyIncél

🍭my lollipop brings the feminists to my candyshop
Aug 16, 2022
1,473
Tech startups have a massive failure rate, like over 90% or something. Lots of human endeavors fail, even with huge investment
 
H

Hope:-)

Enlightened
Jul 3, 2022
1,120
God, I hope I'm not kidding myself...
 
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Sad_Sack

Experienced
Oct 3, 2022
261
First I want to be clear that I appreciate and empathize with the struggles of everyone on this forum, as I have my own and they are undoubtedly similar to many others. However, I often wonder, when reading through threads titled "tonight is the night" or something similar...are we just seeking attention or solace, or something else? Nearly every time that I engage in such a post, the OP doesn't go through with it for one reason or another. I'm glad...because hopefully they found a reason to live...but I was just curious if anyone else noticed this trend. I myself have set and delayed my ctb dozens of times, so in no way am I casting judgement..but I haven't yet made a "taking SN in 2 hours, goodbye world" post either. If or when I do, it will be my last post. Love and respect to all xoxoxoxoxo
I think it is just really difficult to go through with it no matter how badly you want your suffering to end. My one serious attempt was very spur of the moment. I woke up around 4:00 am and immediately the realisation of another day of the same torment hit me like a train and I just went for it then and there with sort of a rage. That morning was just some sort of breaking point. Came very close but failed. To decide a time and date and then have time to think about it seems much harder to me.

The real fear is the finality of it and for me the very likely chance that there is simp!y nothing at all when you go. I want peace so bad but if you go into oblivion you won't have peace or suffering. It wouldn't be like sleeping even because you wouldn't have any awareness at all because you would have no existence at all. I dont want to leave my family behind either. That's where the SI kicks in for me. I believe I will need another breaking point again and to be better prepared next time.
 
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