Are there any good reasons to have a child?

[boxtobs]

I know many of us here hold anti-natalist beliefs, and I know plenty of us likely know all too well or have experienced ourselves what happens when someone becomes a parent for fundamentally flawed reasons. Anything from wanting someone who'll love you/make you feel needed to simply feeling it's what you should do, the works.
But honestly, I can't think of a healthy reason to have a child even putting morals and philosophy and societal expectations aside.
It's been a point of fighting in many of my old relationships. Are there sound reasons to have a child? To want one?

 

[Linda]

The answer to your question is one that each person must make for herself. We are all different, and what works for you may not work for others; what doesn't work for you may work fine for others. I have no children, and have never wanted any, though that's not from any kind of anti-natalist belief. As a practical matter, however, it might be a good idea to get clarity on this point from any potential partner before you allow any future relationship to develop far.

 

[FlameWhisperer]

If you want the simple (not good, not bad) reason, discarding every humanly created concept: for reproduction purposes. We are animals - like any other - meaning it is in our nature to crave/aim to reproduce in order to keep our species alive.

Outside of that, Linda stated already what I think about the matter. Some people have children because they fantasize with this idea of leaving a piece of them behind when they are gone, a legacy of a kind, some do it out of thinking how wonderful it is to have a being that comes from the love between them and their partner, and some - even though they might not realize it immediately - just want children as a trophy, like "you achieved: being parent". Nevertheless, plenty reasons out there, depending on the individual.

 

[Mister Skittles]

When you have a child you are putting a new person on this planet, who has endless possibilities to experience and achieve things. While having kids is partailly related to human survival instinct, you can also want to put a child into this world, to give them them the chance to experience a life. I am very happy I was born and got to experience what I did. Even if things we're often very hard and there was lot's of suffering, I'm glad to be here. Even if you run the risk of your child running into pain and suffering, you should be there to help guide, protect, teach and nurture them to help make there experience more enjoyable.

 

[ilovecats]

There's no reason other than that of following the instructions nature gave us. Life is not extinct because of the desire to reproduce. That's how it has been since the begging. And even us humans are not as complex as we think we are. We still go by the same rules. Think of us as a more advanced bacteria but with the only purpose being the one to reproduce. Other than that, I believe that there's nothing wrong with wanting children as long as you are a good parent. I too, am very guilty of that. From time to time I dream of getting back on my feet, start a family and be the parent mine never were to me and actually do things right so they don't end up like me.

 

[FuneralCry]

Absolutely not. Choosing to procreate is something that is incredibly shameful and unacceptable, and under no circumstances could such a thing be justifiable. It's cruel to burden people with this existence, as procreation is completely unnecessary and it's the source of all suffering after all. Existence in itself is something so incredibly harmful as we exist in a world where chance so cruelly determines everything with no limit as to how much we can be tortured as long as we stay here. Life itself is the true problem so of course nobody should ever procreate.

 

[HadItAll]

Only if you have good genetics for health, looks, iq, athleticism, height.

Since my health conditions are genetic and they have ruined my life, I am not qualified to have children and it's my responsibility to recognise that and avoid possibly cursing another soul with these health conditions.

Absolutely not. Choosing to procreate is something that is incredibly shameful and unacceptable, and under no circumstances could such a thing be justifiable. It's cruel to burden people with this existence, as procreation is completely unnecessary and it's the source of all suffering after all. Existence in itself is something so incredibly harmful as we exist in a world where chance so cruelly determines everything with no limit as to how much we can be tortured as long as we stay here. Life itself is the true problem so of course nobody should ever procreate.

In fact, people with superior genetics should be required to have multiple children.

 

[SamTam33]

The fact that having a child is a 'want' and not a 'need' eliminates the possibility of there being "good" reasons IMO.

You might need a car to get back and forth to work. But you want a Bugatti.

You need to eat. You want sushi.

You need a place to stay. You want to live on the Upper East Side.

It boils down to preference when something is strictly optional. Like add-ons when you're pricing a new car.

No one needs children. They're add-ons.

It's your reasons (whatever they might be), but it's unlikely that they fall under "good reasons."

 

[Viranamari]

In my opinion, no. Having a child is bringing another person into existence which is horrible enough. They would have to suffer this horrible life. Plus it comes with a bunch of responsibilities. If your child is a murderer, you will be the one blamed. If your child decides to end their, you will feel the guilt and so on. You have to support them financially and mentally as well. You can no longer be free as in everything you do, you have to think of your child such as buying a pet, divorcing your spouse etc. It's certainly your choice but in my opinion, it's not worth it.

 

[Mister Skittles]

Absolutely not. Choosing to procreate is something that is incredibly shameful and unacceptable, and under no circumstances could such a thing be justifiable. It's cruel to burden people with this existence, as procreation is completely unnecessary and it's the source of all suffering after all. Existence in itself is something so incredibly harmful as we exist in a world where chance so cruelly determines everything with no limit as to how much we can be tortured as long as we stay here. Life itself is the true problem so of course nobody should ever procreate.

I'm sorry you've come to think this way about life. However I believe there is some inherent value in life. Many people are very happy to be alive, despite there suffering. (Sadly many are not as well). I don't think the problem is bringing people into existence itself, it's that we are not traking the proper measures to make life enjoyable for many people and thus leave them feeling deep despair. Parents should help support and guide there child, as well as teach them how to deal with problems (Like my dad did for me). It's because of him that I found the will to live again, despite the world feeling so cruel all the time. The saddest part of reality is that we've left so many people in such despair, that they no longer wish to exist. We should seek to improve. Maybe some of us who want to could strive to become a parent who helps make their child's life joyful and fulfilling.

 

[lionetta12]

I know many of us here hold anti-natalist beliefs, and I know plenty of us likely know all too well or have experienced ourselves what happens when someone becomes a parent for fundamentally flawed reasons. Anything from wanting someone who'll love you/make you feel needed to simply feeling it's what you should do, the works.
But honestly, I can't think of a healthy reason to have a child even putting morals and philosophy and societal expectations aside.
It's been a point of fighting in many of my old relationships. Are there sound reasons to have a child? To want one?

Other than continuing a family name, a legacy, the bloodline, and all that, a lot of people have kids to try and use that to find a purpose with life, having a kid is their purpose in their eyes and taking care of it fills their days. Might also just be a biological thing or whatever. I always ask people who wanna be with me instantly if they want kids or marriage and if they say no then I don't want to be with them and I don't want to waste years arguing about it either. I'm leaning more towards adopting though because having a biological child kinda freaks me out.

 

[Dead Ghost]

It is the only way to guarantee that humanity will continue to evolve to improve the life of the whole that makes it up.. I mean that you cannot prevent births, but if you can work so that the life of everyone who is born is much better. There is a very clear trend in this aspect, a very clear trend of improvement. But it takes people to achieve it.

On a personal level, would I like to have had children? without a doubt, the opportunity to live a life is an immeasurable gift, of a value that is difficult to quantify.. but clearly, it is impossible to know what kind of life you will have to live and if you will have the necessary strength to move forward.

In my opinion, the error is not that there are births, it is the fact that today's society does not allow or facilitate that a person freely decides to end his life when it does not compensate him at all for the effort of living it .

//

És l'única manera de garantir que la humanitat seguirá evolucionant per millorar la vida de tot el conjunt que la conforma.. vull dir que no es pot evitar que hi hagin naixements, però si es pot treballar perquè la vida de tothom que neixi sigui molt millor. Hi ha una tendéncia molt clara en aquest aspecte, una tendéncia de millora molt clara. Però fa falta gent per aconseguir-ho.

A nivell personal m'agradaría haver tingut fills? sens dubte, la oportunitat de viure una vida és un regal incommmensurable, d'un valor difícil de quantificar.. però esclar, és impossible saber quin tipus de vida et tocarà viure i si disposaràs de la fortalesa necessària per seguir endavant.

Al meu entendre l'error no és pas que hi hagin neixements, és el fet que la societat actual no permeti ni faciliti que una persona decideixi lliurement posar fi a la seva vida quan aquesta no li compensi en absolut l'esforç de viure-la.

 

[bluville]

I don't really agree with antinatalism because I feel like it's just projection sometimes, like yeah everyone's life includes some suffering but not soul crushing suffering. I just think it's weird to imply some upper middle class kid with a loving family and decent friends is a life of suffering. And I think if you ask most people, they'd want to live despite feeling pain. Even a lot of people in less ideal situations can be content and value living. Like, are doctors who give a patient an emergency surgery because the patient will sore and suffering afterwards? I think most people would be okay with it because it saved their life.

But anyway,


I think people have different personal reasons to want children its one of those things you can't really explain. For me I just strongly desire the have a relationship with my child and take care and protect them. And watch them grow. That's the best way I can explain it, I don't know if I still want children today though.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I do have friends that have had children and I suspect they are wonderful parents. As far as I know- their children are happy so far. I suppose if you feel confident that you can give that child every opportunity to live a good life- perhaps it makes sense to them. After all- if you yourself have loved life- why wouldn't your children? If you yourself believe that life is a precious gift- and some people genuinely seem to- why wouldn't you want to pass that experience on?

While we can't imagine thinking like that- I suspect they can't imagine thinking like us! I do think to some degree that our brains work differently. I just think some people don't have it in them to think that pessimistically. So that- even if they acknowledge that life isn't ALL good- they feel like they have the fortitude to get over it. Presumably they'll pass this on to their children through their genes and their upbringing.

Like I say- it doesn't make sense to me but I do know some people in my life who I would say this likely relates to. I'm not so convinced they did it all because of biology/ social norms/ the need to feel loved. I expect they thought their children would enjoy life- and fingers crossed they do.

 

[redeyepiranha]

I do believe that having biological children is not a good thing, even if parents believe that life is inherently a good thing and enjoyable experience. For example, my parents love life and appreciate it despite all the difficulties, I'm privileged by all standards, but I still ended up here. It's a Russian roulette after all. I won't tell people to not reproduce, it's not my business, I believe I'd change my opinion if voluntary euthanasia was avaliable.

 

[Yakamoz]

definitely not

 

[rue]

As an antinatalist, I'll say no. There is no rhyme or reason for keeping this miserable train on its tracks.

 

[_Minsk]

No

 

[HadItAll]

If you and your partner have good genetics, are financially and mentally stable, that's enough of a reason to have a child, because it's likely the pleasant experiences will outweigh the suffering in the child's life.