Discussion Anything you want to do before CTB?

[bed]

I confided in a close friend today about killing myself and he asked me if there was anything I wanted to do before then. I couldn't think of a single thing irl I wanted to do between that time.

Does anyone here have some things they wanted to do or are you in a similar situation?

 

[suisuiforum]

You know, plenty of people have some sort of "bucket list," but I'm like you in the sense that there is not a single thing I absolutely need to do before I die. Every single day, I hope that I can fall asleep and never wake up, regardless of how my day went. If I go to sleep happy, then it means my last memories are filled with positive moments which really isn't too bad. If I drift away after a horrible day, then at least I'll never have to deal with fixing my problems after waking up.

 

[Buried_Kid]

You don't really have anything? That sounds great, I think.

I am having a bit of trouble getting "ready" to ctb. I think I would love to not have anyone who cares about me or who needs me to feel good, so I won't harm them when I pass away. But that's very difficult to do, so I guess I just have to decide if I harm them or if I wait until magically they don't want me alive anymore.

Something more realistic is that I want to leave all my money to my family. I don't have that much, but I've been saving a bit lately and they should be able to use it.
The problems here is that this money is on my bank account and I need like a week to take it all from the ATM. So I won't ctb until next week.

But who knows. Maybe I'm just "doing some time" because I really don't want to die yet or something similar. And if I really wanted to die I would just do it. My mind sucks.

 

[bed]

You know, plenty of people have some sort of "bucket list," but I'm like you in the sense that there is not a single thing I absolutely need to do before I die. Every single day, I hope that I can fall asleep and never wake up, regardless of how my day went. If I go to sleep happy, then it means my last memories are filled with positive moments which really isn't too bad. If I drift away after a horrible day, then at least I'll never have to deal with fixing my problems after waking up.

I'm glad i'm not alone in this feeling.

You don't really have anything? That sounds great, I think.

I am having a bit of trouble getting "ready" to ctb. I think I would love to not have anyone who cares about me or who needs me to feel good, so I won't harm them when I pass away. But that's very difficult to do, so I guess I just have to decide if I harm them or if I wait until magically they don't want me alive anymore.

Something more realistic is that I want to leave all my money to my family. I don't have that much, but I've been saving a bit lately and they should be able to use it.
The problems here is that this money is on my bank account and I need like a week to take it all from the ATM. So I won't ctb until next week.

But who knows. Maybe I'm just "doing some time" because ai really don't want to die yet or something similar. And if I really wanted to die I would just do it. My mind sucks.

Yeah, i really don't have any goals or things i want to cross off before i'm dead. It doesn't really matter to me. I don't really feel liberated by it, maybe a bit sad but mostly indifferent.

As to your last paragraph, survival instincts are a real bitch.

 

[clown_17]

The only thing on my bucket list is trying to recover before hand so I don't feel like I wasted my life. That's it. But no fun things like skydiving or a trip or anything like that. Nothing really makes me feel better in that sense

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I confided in a close friend today about killing myself and he asked me if there was anything I wanted to do before then. I couldn't think of a single thing irl I wanted to do between that time.

Does anyone here have some things they wanted to do or are you in a similar situation?

YES! But I'm too embarrassed ever to type or say it out loud. And the chance of it happening is next to zero. I've been trying without any success for over 10 years. Like milk left out at room temp, some big goals have hard expire-by dates. :(

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

If my brother buys a house, I'd like to help him pay off mortgage (though I need a job first).

 

[Seiba]

Not anything huge, but since I was homeschooled I was largely isolated and don't have many life experiences. So, possibly just some simple things like going to see a place where art is displayed, playing card games, or something. I'm not sure, though I have largely decided that I want to be alone and do not really desire friends. So anything I try to gain will just be material or experiences. As for you not wanting anything, it's hard to say without risking projecting and getting your internal experience wrong. I would say that people who have no bucket list are either disillusioned, tired, experienced what they wanted/had it taken from them, not enjoying anything at all. Any or all of the former could lead to that. I imagine no bucket list is more common with older age as well.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Not anything huge, but since I was homeschooled I was largely isolated and don't have many life experiences. So, possibly just some simple things like going to see a place where art is displayed, playing card games, or something. I'm not sure, though I have largely decided that I want to be alone and do not really desire friends. So anything I try to gain will just be material or experiences. As for you not wanting anything, it's hard to say without risking projecting and getting your internal experience wrong. I would say that people who have no bucket list are either disillusioned, tired, experienced what they wanted/had it taken form them, not enjoying anything at all. Any or all of the former could lead to that. I imagine no bucket list is more common with older age as well.

Feels like you pulled a lot of the thoughts right out of my porous mind. :)

 

[Seiba]

Feels like you pulled a lot of the thoughts right out of my porous mind. :)

Thank you.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Same, everything is garbage. Would want to cuddle with a gf or maybe try to have sex but that's not gonna happen. Idgaf about food, travelling, parties, sports or whatever else people want to do before dying.

 

[deflationary]

Maybe get into a fistfight with my boss or something. But I'm too much of a pussy.

 

[ClownMe]

Honestly, i don't think there's anything im particularly interested in doing before I leave at this point. The traditional stuff that the regular non-depressed person has on their bucket list doesn't tickle my fancy.

 

[xLosthopex]

If I had the money, resources, health/mental health for it i'd love to travel around the world before I go but unfortunately that's not gonna happen

 

[Rockman]

1.Buy cheap car. I need it to get to safe ctb place.
2. I want to use as many psychedelics as possible.
3. Go to final nature destination.

 

[Darkover]

just get high every day smoking weed, i really like to have sex before i die but thats not on the table.

 

[Tamz]

Well yes, but to say it on here will be a little awkward. Oh what the hell. I've been in a gay relationship for a long while so to be with a guy again before I go I think would be good. Something so simple and enjoyable!

 

[FuneralCry]

There is nothing that I want to do. All I want is to not exist. I cannot enjoy anything and there is nothing for me in this world. My life is so empty and pointless. I died a long time ago.

 

[CircleOfSquare]

Watch JJK season 2 but I probably won't be around when it comes out

 

[Chockles]

I stare oitvthe window & the beach it justvupsets me as its not far away but I can't even get out of my bed let alone out in nature which I used to love. A

 

[forgotten15]

Absolutely nothing. There's nothing lef for me here.

 

[Hurt]

I'm not interested in anything. If today is my last day is OK. There's no point in being around for me.

 

[NotStrongEnough]

I've travelled, been to China and Holland, so I can't think of any place I want to go. The only thing I would say I'd "miss" is, I have a new nephew, my brother named him after me, I wouldn't mind seeing him grow up. But the flip side is, I don't want him to have to live with an uncle who's basically a loser. I'd rather have his dad tell fun stories about me, then for him to see that actually, his uncle was a dumbfuuu. Other than that, not really.

 

[ChobaniFlipSmores]

For me it's pretty simple, if I had things I wanted to do then I wouldn't be suicidal.

 

[soggyweeetabix]

Make it to 100m on a free dive.

 

[8evergo]

Mit Liebe und Freude ins licht gehen

 

[Ch92921]

Punshing some dudes in the face. Bullying