Discussion Debating Going To Therapy Appointment Before CTB

[OutOfThisBody]

So I have a therapy appointment booked two days before I plan to die.

I could cancel it, but my therapist knows I am suicidal, though I haven't told them I have a plan, so I'm scared they will be suspicious if I do so.

I also think it could put my mind at ease to go, to see that I tried to find mental health help but nothing worked in the end, like proving to me that my only option is to kill myself.

However, I kind of want to cancel it because I become a coward every time I go to therapy and talk about suicide, and feel less confident doing what I want than doing what my therapist advises.

I'm also scared my therapist will see it as me jerking them around when they find out I died. Like I had an appointment and talked about getting better only to a couple days later die.

What are your relationships to therapy, and are you going even if you are suicidal? Thanks

 

[Dejected 55]

Personally I wouldn't be too worried about what anyone might think, especially a psychiatrist, after I'm gone. I mean, I'll be gone... it will finally not matter anymore. But... on a tangentially related note... one time many years ago when I had a mandated therapy appointment with a new doctor, the night before I made a point of watching the movie "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" and I think it put me in a unique frame of mind that next day to be able to dick around a little with the doctor when I could tell it wasn't a sincere session.