Discussion Anyone wish they left earlier? Before it got unexpectedly worse than you could imagine

[fkyou]

Is anyone's condition very bad now that they wish they left earlier when they were better mentally?like me

 

[theboy]

Me

 

[Irisse]

Yes, I wish I died when I was 12, when I first attempted, even though I used a non-method. I would have died as a good person, and I would never see myself throwing tantrums in high school or failing University.

 

[DskDsk]

Me. It becomes much worse. Sometimes we just donot have odds in our favor no matter how hard we try.

 

[Zerengin96]

I had a nice bottle of SN 99 Percent purity 4 years ago but didnt use it and i really regret it, because it seems a lot harder to get SN here in Germany nowadays

 

[finallydone]

got hit by a car 14 yeas ago, wish i was dead back then and not experience any of this

 

[MyShadow]

If I died many years ago, I would not have to face the loneliness and isolation that I feel now.

 

[anaschariac]

Yup.

 

[RoseGirl]

Things got so much worse then I imagined.
I ended up becoming everything i hated in a person and losing everything i held dear to me.

 

[Andarna]

Yeah… My biggest regret is that I didn't end my life when I was 18.
If only I could have looked into the future back then, seen where I am today… I wouldn't have hesitated.

 

[jimmyinnout]

Yes

My life has been on a constant downward trajectory since around age 22 or so. And even before then, it wasn't even good, it was just that I had more supposed "better times" ahead of me.

To me, living is like a slot machine or content feed, or some similar concept, as in, my biggest obstacle to CBT is this maladaptive "hope" that if I wade through enough sludge I will find something fulfilling. And even when there are those RARE "fulfilling" moments, they are dwarfed by all the time I spend wading through the "sludge".

There is, objectively and absolutely no point to my life; I don't contribute anything to humanity, and I now have no desire to become someone who could do such a thing either. I am also unable to find happiness in things I could do for my own exclusive benefit. So I don't live for others, and I don't live for myself. I wish I had CBT before I had transitioned from someone who was passively or occasionally suicidal, yet still had this delusion that I could one day "make" a life worth living - into someone who has removed that veil entirely, and Is only kept alive by an inability to execute plans, and residual "addictive" patterns to the metaphorical "slot machine".

 

[verybabybunny]

Oh my god yes.

So much less suffering. Less pain. Less loss. Less traumatic experiences. Less things seen and felt that I cannot erase. Less things shaping me.

As others talked about, I attempted a non-method at 12. It was a bottle of ibuprofen. My mom caught me, panicked, rushed to CVS at 1am, made me chug ipecac. I wish that had worked. I wish any of the times as a growing young person I took too many fucking drugs id have been taken out. I wish the moment I woke up from being r*ped I would've instead got taken out.

As others talked about too, I would've died a much better person had I died as a kid.

 

[LoverofAnimals]

I wish I killed myself 16 years ago, when a very traumatic event in my life took place that made me unable to feel joy from anything.

 

[itsgone2]

I tried in high school, and much later I life I nearly died during a surgery. Either would have saved a lot of pain.

 

[perishsong]

Me. I got sucked into a whirlpool when I was 6. It would've been ideal to CTB right there and right then, would've saved me from over 2 decades of trauma and misery.

 

[Hollowman]

I should've went through with my plan when I was 12. Now every day is filled with regrets and emptiness.

 

[trashisland]

every day. it should have ended a long time ago

 

[Realgar]

I should have ended it 2 years ago when my best friend ( my dog ) died.

 

[MissAbyss]

Yes, I feel like a fool. I should have finished it 10 years ago.

 

[PI3.14]

Yes

 

[DeletedUser123xyz]

Yes. Wish I died in the summer of 2017

 

[TBONTB]

January 1 2020, would have been a great time to go.

 

[strugglingsimba]

Everytime I think it can't possibly get worse, it does. Should've died in 2019. Nothing I've been through since was worth it

 

[30LoverForever]

I wish I left during 2015

 

[forgottenfantasywrt]

Is anyone's condition very bad now that they wish they left earlier when they were better mentally?like me

My younger brother caught the bus before i did and I've had my heart shattered by the same person for like the 5th time. Wish i could have avoided this

 

[dhk96]

Yes. I wish I had done so in fourth grade instead of letting the fears, anxiety, anger, and despair compound and turn the dreaded possibility of becoming a useless person into a reality. Having Peter Pan Syndrome and my not so nice worldview cloud my sight so early on just killed off any potential in me to change or believe that I could change.

I knew I had to go and yet I let each year pass by me hoping that an older me would finally have the means/courage to CTB.

I never prepared myself for the future since I lived like I was already going to die. Instead I tried so hard to pretend that I was doing my best at every superficial milestone or aspect of my life with certain expectations, and I have nothing to show for it because all my effort and mental energy went into faking it until I just couldn't.

And I'm still here, way past every deadline I set for myself. Just a mutant child stuck in an adult body who felt like they never had the chance to grow up. My future was my nightmare and my nightmare is now my reality.

 

[fkyou]

My younger brother caught the bus before i did and I've had my heart shattered by the same person for like the 5th time. Wish i could have avoided this

I'm so sorry for your brother. wishing you comfort and peace right now

 

[Vlad Tepes]

My first attempt was at 11. I would tell 11 year old me to have done a better job and spare himself additional years of suffering.

 

[progressingdeath]

I have over 13 suicide attempts and only a handful of them being almost successful.

I wish every day that I wasn't narcanned or experienced SI. I just want to rest. I'm so insanely fucking tired and being chronically ill doesn't help the insanely dreadful tiredness. I have narcolepsy. I'm literally fucking tired all the time and I just want to fucking go to bed peacefully.

I want to go to bed and not wake up. Waking up from an opioid overdose with tolerance is the fucking worse

 

[Chairbed3]

Yup, that's the only regret. I should have done it four years ago when I was young. Everything's difficult now.