Anyone know tips on how to forgive your past mistakes that impacts your present life?

[VivaldiBR]

I'm on this dillema for about 1 year by far. Tried everything: therapist, buddhism, medicine drugs, and other self help things. It's really affecting my actual relationship.

Ps.: my english id bad. Im from Brazil.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

You ask the difficult questions don't you?
Anyone that says the past is behind you is pretty much delusional in my book.
It has a long reach and sits there in the time gone, reaching forward and determining how you see things even if you don't realise it.
That past is the foundation on which you exist now and it can't be changed. If only it could.

therapist, buddhism, medicine drugs, and other self help things.

I can't see any of that helping me with the things I can't forgive myself for. They are mental sticking plasters set over a fundamental psychic wound.
I guess it will be different for everyone.
What I try and do, is accept that I am human and flawed. I fucked things up though I did my best. And believe me, my fuckups are serious, causing horrific suffering which i may never be able to forgive myself for.
I can beat myself up about it but it serves no function whatsoever. We all do the best we can in any given circumstance and to dwell in the past is to court pointless self-recrimination.
I don't forget, but neither do I wish to dwell on it. I let it steer my future decisions as best I can, and accept that I am flawed.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Tapas Acupressure Technique and Emotional Freedom Technique helped me.

 

[Mr2005]

You ask the difficult questions don't you?
Anyone that says the past is behind you is pretty much delusional in my book.
It has a long reach and sits there in the time gone, reaching forward and determining how you see things even if you don't realise it.
That past is the foundation on which you exist now and it can't be changed. If only it could.

I can't see any of that helping me with the things I can't forgive myself for. They are mental sticking plasters set over a fundamental psychic wound.
I guess it will be different for everyone.
What I try and do, is accept that I am human and flawed. I fucked things up though I did my best. And believe me, my fuckups are serious, causing horrific suffering which i may never be able to forgive myself for.
I can beat myself up about it but it serves no function whatsoever. We all do the best we can in any given circumstance and to dwell in the past is to court pointless self-recrimination.
I don't forget, but neither do I wish to dwell on it. I let it steer my future decisions as best I can, and accept that I am flawed.

Good answer. This is precisely what I'm dealing with. It's a hopeless feeling when it's things you're not going towards but away from but how you feel is the most important bit. Changing that won't change what happened but will change how much it matters. Now if only I could even do that much. I can not do things that remind myself any more than I have to

 

[Life_and_Death]

im personally dealing with things in an accepting point of view. "i feel this way for a reason and that is ok."

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Good answer. This is precisely what I'm dealing with. It's a hopeless feeling when it's things you're not going towards but away from but how you feel is the most important bit. Changing that won't change what happened but will change how much it matters. Now if only I could even do that much. I can not do things that remind myself any more than I have to

I agree. Quick fixes are disingenious at best. We are human and as such we have to accept that we fuck things up and try to forgive ourselves for doing so. Easier said than done, I know. But is it realistic and honest to hold ourselves to standards we have no hope of achieving? If we answer 'no' then we must have no choice but to accept and at least try to forgive ourselves.

 

[MariV]

its harder to forgive others than to forgive oneself. anything like "the power of now" maybe?

 

[BipolarGuy]

I'm on this dillema for about 1 year by far. Tried everything: therapist, buddhism, medicine drugs, and other self help things. It's really affecting my actual relationship.

Ps.: my english id bad. Im from Brazil.

Any context that you'd be willing to share?

 

[VivaldiBR]

You ask the difficult questions don't you?
Anyone that says the past is behind you is pretty much delusional in my book.
It has a long reach and sits there in the time gone, reaching forward and determining how you see things even if you don't realise it.
That past is the foundation on which you exist now and it can't be changed. If only it could.

I can't see any of that helping me with the things I can't forgive myself for. They are mental sticking plasters set over a fundamental psychic wound.
I guess it will be different for everyone.
What I try and do, is accept that I am human and flawed. I fucked things up though I did my best. And believe me, my fuckups are serious, causing horrific suffering which i may never be able to forgive myself for.
I can beat myself up about it but it serves no function whatsoever. We all do the best we can in any given circumstance and to dwell in the past is to court pointless self-recrimination.
I don't forget, but neither do I wish to dwell on it. I let it steer my future decisions as best I can, and accept that I am flawed.

Rationally, I understand that perfectly. My past self did the best I could under the circumstances. The problem is that this is only in the rational, and never reaches the emotional. And so the pain and suffering remain. That is the biggest difficulty: clearing my mind and forgiving me emotionally and not merely rationally. But thanks for the great reply.

Any context that you'd be willing to share?

I chose to go to film school, but in Brazil the job market is very complicated and the jobs are seasonal. Tired of this stability scenario, In 2015, I started law school to try to earn more money and have a more stable career. But now it is very complicated to get a job due to the crisis facing the country and also because of the austerity policies of the Jair Bolsonaro government. This is my biggest despair. I even think about immigrating to Portugal, Canada, Australia or New Zealand and trying a new life as many friends have already done. Living in a third country is very difficult.

its harder to forgive others than to forgive oneself. anything like "the power of now" maybe?

Some ppl recommend that book. I wll try to read on kindle. Thanks for the tip. I read "When Thinga Fall Apart" by Pema Chödrön and really helped and "O Sofrimento é Opcional (Suffering is Optional) by a brazilian buddihst monk called Monja Coen.

 

[VivaldiBR]

im personally dealing with things in an accepting point of view. "i feel this way for a reason and that is ok."

That's a good perspective

 

[ZardozOmega]

I'm also interested, although I don't believe I'll ever be able to forgive myself for the horrible shit I've done. It haunts me everyday.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

"i feel this way for a reason and that is ok."

I think that is pretty realistic and expressed eloquently. If it's okay with you, I'll steal that line for future use.