Anyone here feeling more and more disconnected from other people as time goes on?

[ringo99]

To clarify I'm not just talking about being on social media constantly and disconnecting from the world around you. Even when going out, mingling or during chance encounters with people you know, it just feels that I can't relate to human activities anymore. When they tell me about problems or something they're passionate about like their job, kids etc. it's like I'm watching them on a screen like they're characters on a second rate show spouting inane dialogue. Instead of going out to buy groceries I order them online, using an app for getting a haircut or a handyman for repairs, ubering instead of hailing a cab, these make me more comfortable than actually talking to people and getting things done.

Wondering if this my mind's way of easing me into feeling comfortable about ctb.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Yes . I find me distancing myself more and more from the normies and even from people here on sasu, all humans as time goes on.

And I don't want to connect with anyone.

I wouldn't want to connect with anyone or anything anyway from this evil world and evil life.

I've never even seen any human agree with me on the fundamentals of reality

the only things I want for me is to not suffer extreme pain and non-existence asap that's it

I've posted only some of the things I found out about how evil life is on this site. Some other things I won't ever post here. So imo people will never know the whole of reality or the most fundamental levels of reality. And I haven't seen anyone post those things so .....

It's weird even on here I can only talk about parts of it

It's like with a normie we on here might agree with a few things but not on other things so we talk only about the things they could agree with but don't tell them for example " I want to kill myself" .
Don't read below if sensitive
This is not it or even a part of it . But a human is just cells. What %of humans know this? How many know that there are also trillions of microscopic and not small parasites , fungi and bacteria inside and on a human? There are even monsters on every humans face right now that are not even microscopic ....

 

[Meteora]

Yes, I do. I was trying so hard to fit in, to be a valubale member of this society. Well, I was stupid, I guess. I m just different, not like the others.

 

[Chronosphere]

Relatable. Sometimes when colleague asks me something not related to the job I just stare at him thinking about possible reactions I need to do. Like, do I need to nod, smile, or just ignore.

 

[ringo99]

Relatable. Sometimes when colleague asks me something not related to the job I just stare at him thinking about possible reactions I need to do. Like, do I need to nod, smile, or just ignore.

Exactly! My facial expressions and what I automatically say must be something they approve of though because they just keep talking. My brain pretty much checks out after a few seconds

 

[divinemistress36]

I feel this so much. I can't relate to anyone. Everybody has careers, kids, hobbies, relationships. I've just been betting rotting for 5 years so I have nothing I can talk to about with people

 

[captivebutterfly]

The way I describe this feeling for myself is that it often feels there is an invisible bubble around me. That I'm seeing everything through an additional screen, I know the people walking around me are real, I can hear them, but there's a barrier that makes me feel detached. Nowadays, even when I'm being hugged it's like I can't even feel it, nothing seems to penetrate the numbness.

 

[Olisop21.]

I don't feel connected to anyone.

 

[jrjrdevilsadvocate]

No problem with being around regular everyday people....like grocery shopping, restaurants, etc.
I only feel like I am mentally separating just with my immediate family. I know I will have to mentally separate more., Im not to a stage of acceptance yet.
The more I think about ctb...the more I know this will hurt them. Just a few of them, maybe 2 or 3 people.
Ive come a long ways with accepting it all though.
I think making peace with those you care about the most helps me.
Ive already started making some audio recordings of myself explaining things.....my biography, thoughts, how I feel about them, betrayals, etc.
I plan on writing some things out as well.
Doing this has helped reach another level of acceptance of myself for ctb.
I didnt want to end everything with any doubts.

 

[sserafim]

Yeah, but I don't see any reason to be connected to other people. There's nothing to like about them anyways

I don't feel connected to anyone.

Me neither, nor do I want to

I was trying so hard to fit in, to be a valubale member of this society.

Why? Personally I don't fit in and don't want to. I have no desire to be a "valuable" member of society. In fact, I don't even want to be part of society at all

 

[dragonofenvy]

I'm so disconnected that I don't even feel like I'm human anymore. Sometimes people treat you that way too.

 

[Olisop21.]

I'm so disconnected that I don't even feel like I'm human anymore. Sometimes people treat you that way too.

I can identify with not feeling like a human.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I wouldn't say that I feel more disconnected from other people as time goes on. In my case, I've always been disconnected from other people since my birth and it's always at the maximum level of being disconnected. I never had any friends to begin with, I never had any interests to begin with, I never had a single enjoyable moment and so forth. I also disconnected from the human experience. I don't know what it's like to be human and I never did. What do humans even do?

I don't wish to fully be a normie and be completely like them but, at the same time, I do wish that I at least could have friends with people who understand me

 

[theboy]

some times

 

[sserafim]

I wouldn't say that I feel more disconnected from other people as time goes on. In my case, I've always been disconnected from other people since my birth and it's always at the maximum level of being disconnected. I never had any friends to begin with, I never had any interests to begin with, I never had a single enjoyable moment and so forth. I also disconnected from the human experience. I don't know what it's like to be human and I never did. What do humans even do?

I don't wish to fully be a normie and be completely like them but, at the same time, I do wish that I at least could have friends with people who understand me

I wouldn't want to be a normie lol. I'd be just another mindless, brainwashed NPC. I would hate to be ordinary. Maybe I intentionally chose to have ASD in this life to be "different"

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I wouldn't want to be a normie lol. I'd be just another mindless, brainwashed NPC. I would hate to be ordinary. Maybe I intentionally chose to have ASD in this life to be "different"

I don't want to be a normie either though I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want at least few of the things they have. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be pro suffering like they are nor do I want to be okay having less things than a rich person has but I do wish that I had a support network and I also wish that I could feel emotions over music or movies. These are things that normies have, right?

Also, with regards to your last sentence, why would you choose having ASD instead of choosing to not live at all? Perhaps you got tricked into thinking life is beautiful? Well, that's just me assuming over your spiritual beliefs

 

[Passersby]

Yeah I've been a loner type and disconnected my whole life. In a lot of ways it's good though. It would just be nice to not suffer and get to make my own decisions based on wanting or not wanting to do something. Chronic anxiety among other things contributes to this and it's just how I am. I've never wanted to be here and participate. Now it's even harder.

 

[sserafim]

I don't want to be a normie either though I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want at least few of the things they have. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be pro suffering like they are nor do I want to be okay having less things than a rich person has but I do wish that I had a support network and I also wish that I could feel emotions over music or movies. These are things that normies have, right?

Also, with regards to your last sentence, why would you choose having ASD instead of choosing to not live at all? Perhaps you got tricked into thinking life is beautiful? Well, that's just me assuming over your spiritual beliefs

I think I probably got tricked into reincarnating

 

[strangelife]

I just stopped connection with everybody from the day I got condition, I connect only with family, I just don't want

 

[FuneralCry]

I've never been able to relate to other people at all, I know that I certainly don't belong in this hellish, evil world where there is unlimited potential for suffering. I wouldn't even want to relate to the human species anyway, all I want is to not exist, the human species is such an abomination to me.

 

[vadim]

Over the past 6 months or so I've actually made a serious attempt at getting out and meeting new people, and it's left me feeling more miserable than ever because it's only confirmed what I was afraid of before: I'm completely incapable of connecting with people. I haven't been able to make a single friend after three years in perhaps the easiest place to make friends (university).
I never had many to begin with, but since naturally growing apart from my old friends, I can't make new ones because I can't ever talk to someone without hiding behind a mask. People don't want to be around a fucking downer, of course, and if I do open up to someone about how I'm feeling I have to distance myself from them afterwards because I can never be sure if they even like me anymore or if they find me utterly burdensome and are staying in touch with me out of pity or a sense of responsibility. It sounds cliche, but it drives me insane to have to pretend like I don't want to kill myself when I do.
In addition to already being abnormal and unable to relate to people and difficult for people to relate to, that cognitive dissonance is making it impossible currently.

 

[R_N]

My perception of this world is changing and naturally I have to use my past self to connect with others.

I disliked my internal conflict but I think it is better than just being one or the other and past is long gone anyway. I have the understanding but emotions are dim.

 

[divinemistress36]

I wouldn't want to be a normie lol. I'd be just another mindless, brainwashed NPC. I would hate to be ordinary. Maybe I intentionally chose to have ASD in this life to be "different"

Some people believe advanced souls choose harder lives. Maybe you are an advanced soul

 

[Homo erectus]

Large group social gathering is not normal for human. Maybe telecommunication like internet already existed in the past.

 

[sserafim]

Some people believe advanced souls choose harder lives. Maybe you are an advanced soul

Lol maybe

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Yes! I feel distant and oftentimes disconnected from the majority (if all) of the people who I see regularly or semi-regularly, and what makes this even more unbearable is that in most instances I have no choice but to be around and interact with them; I am forced to become someone who I am not just to be able to relate to them. Being expected to connect when you want to remain disconnected feels distressing.

Also: when I have said that I have no choice but to be around "them" I did not mean this in a mean-spirited way for everyone, it is just that in most situations I do not want to form a connection with others even if they seem kind... though there are certain individuals who are awful and I certainly want to avoid deliberately.

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

I've been disconnected since childhood. Didn't know I was on the spectrum.

 

[escape_from_hell]

Even started to go back to school to freshen up life with a possible new career. It's something that would have really been adventurous and interesting to me in youth. Involves a lot of outdoors and nature. That stuff used to bring me joy. It does my classmates I can tell. They are excited. Now it is like a trope I have heard a million times: "Oh! I LOVE the outdoors omg nature." Now it's just another combination of shapes and light. I see that our brains provide the sensation of wonderment and joy (or not), it beyond our control. I could take certain drugs and make it seem temporarily interesting again. The reductionism itself is depressing as fuck. Those are not genuinely inherently lovely things, just most healthy people's brains are wired to make them feel good in nature. It is possible to lose even that connection.
I just do not feel involved in any of it. It is like you say watching characters put out dialogue. Only pure discipline is keeping me going at this point, hoping the anhedonia, pessimism and so on will go away. How many hours of yoga, meditation, spiritual pony-tail bro shit do I need to do before cured? It's like life is letting me know, this ride is over what the fuck are you still doing hanging on? I'm trying to let go. I really am.

 

[druggedonsurvival]

I want to connect to people who I feel I can relate to, but it's like there's an invisible barrier preventing me from actually reaching them on a deeper (than surface) level. Maybe I just don't let myself get close to them because I know I could never commit myself to a friendship. I can talk to people just fine but it never goes anywhere.

I never had many to begin with, but since naturally growing apart from my old friends, I can't make new ones because I can't ever talk to someone without hiding behind a mask. People don't want to be around a fucking downer, of course, and if I do open up to someone about how I'm feeling I have to distance myself from them afterwards because I can never be sure if they even like me anymore or if they find me utterly burdensome and are staying in touch with me out of pity or a sense of responsibility. It sounds cliche, but it drives me insane to have to pretend like I don't want to kill myself when I do.

I feel this exactly. It feels like my real self is just a poison that will bring everyone else down, and I'm forced to hide it to appear normal, it's excruciating.

 

[nothingtolivefor]

I only ever felt attached to one person but I drove them away. Now I have nothing left to live for but hard liquor. And even that doesn't get rid of the insane soul-eating guilt and regret. If you ever meet anyone special, don't expect to ever meet anyone else like them. It's not a given you'll ever meet anyone else who you can really bond with, it's almost always a once in a lifetime thing