anyone here also wants to ctb (also) bc of the shame of being neet/hiki?

[lnlybnny]

it's not my only reason but it's one of them

it's truly the end for me, everyone thinks i'm a joke and talk about it behind my back, even my little sibling humiliated me asking why i don't have a job. i can't take this shit anymore and i don't feel like i have to. i don't feel like doing anything, i don't have any goals regarding a career or job in spite being 29. i'm a waste of space. i wish i could disappear out of the blue. i truly don't understand why i keep trying by waking up every day... i wish ending yourself was easier :( is there someone else out there that feels this way? i feel so lonely, like i'm the only one who's like this, everyone my age has everything sorted out and i'm just a creep in the middle of this society that i despise

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Yes. I get a little vexed when people talk about being a "wage slave". It is a privilege to be able to earn an independent livelihood.

 

[lnlybnny]

sometimes i wonder if i'm really suicidal/depressed or just a fucking lazy coward :/

 

[iloverachel]

I was more suicidal while working than while being a neet. Mainly due to not coping at work due to crippling anxiety.

As for being a hiki thats one of my reasons. I seclude myself from society because i don't belong anywhere.

 

[lnlybnny]

I was more suicidal while working than while being a neet. Mainly due to not coping at work due to crippling anxiety.

As for being a hiki thats one of my reasons. I seclude myself from society because i don't belong anywhere.

feel exactly like this, this sense of not belonging... and everyone looks down on you

 

[SmallKoy]

sometimes i wonder if i'm really suicidal/depressed or just a fucking lazy coward :/

Me too. I absolutely hate this feeling. It's dreadful.

 

[lnlybnny]

Me too. I absolutely hate this feeling. It's dreadful.

it's suffocating, i think about it 24/7

 

[divinemistress36]

What's a hiki?

 

[lnlybnny]

What's a hiki?

Hikikomori (Japanese: ひきこもり or 引きこもり, lit. "pulling inward, being confined"), also known as severe social withdrawal, is total withdrawal from society and seeking extreme degrees of social isolation and confinement.

 

[Unknown21]

This is one of my reasons too, I've been a neet most of my life.

 

[lnlybnny]

This is one of my reasons too, I've been a neet most of my life.

neet for over 10 years :/ thought it would get better but it didn't since apparently I need to do something myself lol
I planned to ctb 10 years ago but just kept living

 

[Unknown21]

neet for over 10 years :/ thought it would get better but it didn't since apparently I need to do something myself lol
I planned to ctb 10 years ago but just kept living

I knew and accepted that my condition would never get better and that it was better to start actually planning for CTP, as well as some other reasons that destroyed my life such as poverty, childhood trauma, family problems, and mental illness.

 

[heavyeyes]

You're not alone. I feel the exact same way. I'm also a neet/hiki and have been most of my life for several reasons. Being this way at 30 brings a lot of shame for me

 

[lnlybnny]

You're not alone. I feel the exact same way. I'm also a neet/hiki and have been most of my life for several reasons. Being this way at 30 brings a lot of shame for me

I'm so sorry you're going through this too. The pressure other people put on us is the worst. My parents can't stand my situation anymore:( I could die of shame

I knew and accepted that my condition would never get better and that it was better to start actually planning for CTP, as well as some other reasons that destroyed my life such as poverty, childhood trauma, family problems, and mental illness.

Sometimes I wonder how things would have been if I was a normie. Sorry you feel that way too… but at least we're not alone eh?

 

[heavyeyes]

I'm so sorry you're going through this too. The pressure other people put on us is the worst. My parents can't stand my situation anymore:( I could die of shame

Yes especially since we're supposed to have things figured out by now. I feel hopeless. Everyday I'm more and more convinced I have to ctb whenever I get the chance

Sometimes I wonder how things would have been if I was a normie.

I wonder the same sometimes but being a normie sounds boring

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I became a NEET after my big failure in life bc I reject becoming a wage slave, I have nothing else to do and no ideas how to recover. I'm not ashamed for being a NEET at all.

 

[lnlybnny]

I became a NEET after my big failure in life bc I reject becoming a wage slave, I have nothing else to do and no ideas how to recover. I'm not ashamed for being a NEET at all.

i'm only ashamed bc people always ask if i have a job and it's emotionally draining

Yes especially since we're supposed to have things figured out by now. I feel hopeless. Everyday I'm more and more convinced I have to ctb whenever I get the chance

I wonder the same sometimes but being a normie sounds boring

i've been postponing my ctb for over 10 years. every day is humiliating, the anxiety of hearing other people asking if i have a job, even though i avoid social contact as much as possible. i'm truly on the verge of going totally nuts. now i really need the mental strength to buy sn and medicines to finally do it. but even that is so hard. do you already have a plan? yeah i wouldn't trade my personality with normies. just wish i wasn't in a situation where i depend on other ppl and i wish i could be alongside the people i really love, which are my favorite artists, but that's utopic lol it feels like ctb is my only option

 

[heavyeyes]

i've been postponing my ctb for over 10 years. every day is humiliating, the anxiety of hearing other people asking if i have a job, even though i avoid social contact as much as possible. i'm truly on the verge of going totally nuts. now i really need the mental strength to buy sn and medicines to finally do it. but even that is so hard. do you already have a plan? yeah i wouldn't trade my personality with normies. just wish i wasn't in a situation where i depend on other ppl and i wish i could be alongside the people i really love, which are my favorite artists, but that's utopic lol it feels like ctb is my only option

I wish I didn't have to depend on others either. I hate it. I wish I was self sufficient

My plan is sn. I was lucky enough to get some before sources became scarce. The only reasons I've been postponing is because I wasn't prepared before and I'm hardly alone for long enough to actually act on my plan without being found too soon

 

[lnlybnny]

I wish I didn't have to depend on others either. I hate it. I wish I was self sufficient

My plan is sn. I was lucky enough to get some before sources became scarce. The only reasons I've been postponing is because I wasn't prepared before and I'm hardly alone for long enough to actually act on my plan without being found too soon

my dad lives in another state and he's coming soon in the next few weeks and i want to ctb before so i don't have to interact with him (and other relatives) and endure their questions and this pressure.
i'm lucky that sn is available here to buy anytime i want, still need to figure out how to get benzos

 

[sserafim]

I want to ctb not because of the shame of being a NEET/hiki, but because I can't be one forever. I've been a NEET ever since graduating college almost 2 years ago, and I honestly enjoy being one. It's a chill existence. My parents view me as a failure, but I don't care. They expect me to be independent one day, and this scares me. I've never wanted to be independent. I didn't even want to become an adult. I don't want to have to support myself or make my own way in the big, bad world. It gives me so much anxiety. I'd rather die. I've always wanted to and felt like I was meant to die young anyways. In my ideal scenario, I'm not living past 25

 

[BlendedHeart]

Yeah, those were very hard years. People asking you "So, what are you doing right now" is such a standard that having no answer is a big source of shame. Especially when you were "such a promise" in academic years. Even the worst students have better lives and careers than you. That's when I realized academic grades won't determine your future in life. Not being able to keep even the most simple of jobs because of anxieties, lack of social skills and such is very humilliating.

I stopped being a NEET (getting an online job, which eliminates most of the factors mentioned before) but I still want to go away. I understand what you're feeling OP, nonetheless.

 

[voidstar]

I'm technically a NEET but deemed unable to work by every doctor so far due to chronic illness +disabilities. Being a NEET itself isn't my reason but the disabilities that are responsible partly are.

 

[vadim]

I'm not technically NEET or hiki so I might be stealing valour here but my reasons for wanting to off myself are pretty much the same. I hate myself for being incapable of functioning in society. I'm in university but struggle to even do the bare minimum, I failed so many modules in my first year that I had to repeat the year, I'm now barely scraping by and it's such a struggle to even do a half-assed job at studying. I'm not good at anything and there's no job I can see myself doing even if I were employable (doing a useless humanities degree). I dread the future so much that killing myself seems more appealing than joining the rat race. I have no motivation to do anything at all.

I'm also unable to connect with people and have no friends after being at the easiest place to make friends (college) for three years, and having seriously tried at putting myself out there and meeting people this year. I'm just defective fundamentally and not made to live in the world.

 

[lnlybnny]

I'm not technically NEET or hiki so I might be stealing valour here but my reasons for wanting to off myself are pretty much the same. I hate myself for being incapable of functioning in society. I'm in university but struggle to even do the bare minimum, I failed so many modules in my first year that I had to repeat the year, I'm now barely scraping by and it's such a struggle to even do a half-assed job at studying. I'm not good at anything and there's no job I can see myself doing even if I were employable (doing a useless humanities degree). I dread the future so much that killing myself seems more appealing than joining the rat race. I have no motivation to do anything at all.

I'm also unable to connect with people and have no friends after being at the easiest place to make friends (college) for three years, and having seriously tried at putting myself out there and meeting people this year. I'm just defective fundamentally and not made to live in the world.

i also feel like i wasn't meant to be in this world, everything seems boring and tiring... why should i work my ass off if i hate being here? there are only very few people and things i enjoy which is mostly parasocial ''relatioinships''. i despise everyone around me, even though i still see beauty in nature, music, films, going to my artists concerts and stuff like that

I want to ctb not because of the shame of being a NEET/hiki, but because I can't be one forever. I've been a NEET ever since graduating college almost 2 years ago, and I honestly enjoy being one. It's a chill existence. My parents view me as a failure, but I don't care. They expect me to be independent one day, and this scares me. I've never wanted to be independent. I didn't even want to become an adult. I don't want to have to support myself or make my own way in the big, bad world. It gives me so much anxiety. I'd rather die. I've always wanted to and felt like I was meant to die young anyways. In my ideal scenario, I'm not living past 25

i thought i'd ctb by 20, but chickened out and just went along and now i'm a ridiculous old hag