I have attempted suicide many times and going with a sure thing would be great! there's just something stopping me and I'm not sure what it is. maybe it's the past 20 years of being told how great it was I was alone, even if that was a lie. maybe it's my animals, but they were never a reason to stop before. I want to go, there's just something in the way.
Most the time it's thinking about the pain my 9 year old daughter would endure. I must admit though that at my lowest I minimized it and had set my plan in action. A close friend stopped me. Unfortunately my messed up emotions and mind caused me to lose her.
faust
lost among the stars
- Jan 26, 2020
- 3,138
Sorry, maybe you are just not ready for this?
Maybe it is better living in suicidal ideation for you rather than taking actions?
There is nowhere to hurry and it is normal there is something that stops you.
Take your time and try to understand if you truly need this.
Wishing you a good luck in whatever you do
Maybe it is better living in suicidal ideation for you rather than taking actions?
There is nowhere to hurry and it is normal there is something that stops you.
Take your time and try to understand if you truly need this.
Wishing you a good luck in whatever you do
issyishere
Goodnight and always remember that’s life
- Nov 5, 2019
- 441
Right now i'm just trying to take care of my parents who are in their 60s. I hope this pandemic situation resolves soon so i can finally say I have no more responsibilities left.
it's more of I have "good" coping methods (good in quotes because it's alcohol) so my will to die isn't constant, but all future plans of moving where I wanted to go have been permanently been cancelled due to not being able to save enough to move. my current situation is abusive, even if only mildly.
Beautiful_Disgrace
Invisible shadow
- Mar 8, 2020
- 134
My child is the only reason why I'm not dead right now. Period.
just look upSorry, maybe you are just not ready for this?
Maybe it is better living in suicidal ideation for you rather than taking actions?
There is nowhere to hurry and it is normal there is something that stops you.
Take your time and try to understand if you truly need this.
Wishing you a good luck in whatever you do
It used to be my mother, because I thought she would be pretty upset, but not anymore. I think in the long run it will be a massive relief more than anything as she will no longer have to deal with me.
I think I'm a good candidate to CTB as far as practical reasons go. My only family is two siblings and my mother, I either don't know or am estranged from everyone else. My siblings and I would not have a relationship at all if it were not for my mother. If I outlived her we would definitely never have one again. I am 30, never had children, so nobody I am leaving behind that I am solely responsible for. My partner is tired of me and doesn't want a future with me anyway, so they will be ok (and like my mother, probably super relieved in the end because they no longer have to deal with me). I have a cat, but he loves and adores my family and vice versa, he will be well taken care of for the rest of his life and I know that with certainty. I have isolated myself over the years so I don't really have any friends who I have to worry about. I am not a person of great importance nor have I done anything good or special, so all trains will run on time regardless of whether I am alive or not.
A lot of this contributes to depressing me, but it's also a relief to know that I will be able to go without doing any real damage to anyone or anything. I take comfort in that
I think I'm a good candidate to CTB as far as practical reasons go. My only family is two siblings and my mother, I either don't know or am estranged from everyone else. My siblings and I would not have a relationship at all if it were not for my mother. If I outlived her we would definitely never have one again. I am 30, never had children, so nobody I am leaving behind that I am solely responsible for. My partner is tired of me and doesn't want a future with me anyway, so they will be ok (and like my mother, probably super relieved in the end because they no longer have to deal with me). I have a cat, but he loves and adores my family and vice versa, he will be well taken care of for the rest of his life and I know that with certainty. I have isolated myself over the years so I don't really have any friends who I have to worry about. I am not a person of great importance nor have I done anything good or special, so all trains will run on time regardless of whether I am alive or not.
A lot of this contributes to depressing me, but it's also a relief to know that I will be able to go without doing any real damage to anyone or anything. I take comfort in that
Sensei
剣道家
- Nov 4, 2019
- 6,336
I'm bipolar just like you. Deep down inside you probably want to live, but the "bipolar pain", in lack of a better word, makes you acutely suicidal. I know all too well how you feel, but if you decide to end it you should do it when you're in your right mind. Just my two cents.
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PrettyMoose
Eat my arse, Pain&Sh*tness & Mindf*ckitation Grift
- Mar 1, 2020
- 280
Right now it is waiting for the brief periods per week that I have the house to myself. I don't have to wait since my family are loud alcoholics who are hard of hearing and very likely wouldn't hear any noise my suicide would make, but still I want to be at least a shred considerate and leave a note for them that they would find when they'd come back just so that they could remove my body when it is fresh instead of rotten and covered in maggots. If I just go then it would be at least 2 weeks, maybe more, before they'd discover me, and we live under the same roof so that tells you how much anyone cares to check up on me. Lately I've been considering just catching my bus anyway and letting them deal with my rotting carcass.
rntmss
Taking it one day at a time
- Feb 7, 2020
- 197
Knowing that it would likely kill my parents that are in their late 60s and early 70s always stops me.
They already have enough heartbreak when they see their granddaughters (my sister's kids) in foster care because their mother was deemed unfit because she's an addict who's been unable to get through rehab two times.
They aren't perfect people in any sense of the word... but they are still great people and I don't want to break their hearts anymore.
They already have enough heartbreak when they see their granddaughters (my sister's kids) in foster care because their mother was deemed unfit because she's an addict who's been unable to get through rehab two times.
They aren't perfect people in any sense of the word... but they are still great people and I don't want to break their hearts anymore.
there's always getting a hotel too to do it, but then the hotel staff find you when you don't check out.
akrasia
-hugs-
- Feb 11, 2020
- 153
Yes, my mom and the corona virus. I planned to ctb when my family is going to camp but it's likely they would cancel the trip because of the corona virus. I'm pretty sad now. :(
My wife. I love her. I am suicidal because of her and don't want to ctb again because of her...
IF I found N . I will go for it . The only reason that I don't try other methods is I don't want to suffer
Literally just my rabbit. I haven't been able to find him a home and my whole family is so ignorant with animal care. I dont want him suffering just because I am.
a.n.kirillov
velle non discitur
- Nov 17, 2019
- 1,831
Well a certain inertia. The same inertia that stops me from living also seems to stop me from ending it. Is this how antidepressants kill people? Probably
And weirdly enough I'm excited about the Corona virus and the stock market crash, in that I wanna see what happens now. Since I can end it at a whim anyway, no loss in staying around a little longer and watching everything burn.
And weirdly enough I'm excited about the Corona virus and the stock market crash, in that I wanna see what happens now. Since I can end it at a whim anyway, no loss in staying around a little longer and watching everything burn.
Woodnote
Goodbye
- Oct 23, 2019
- 277
My dogs are the only thing stopping me. I don't want to abandon them.
Huntfish34
Enlightened
- Mar 13, 2020
- 1,622
TheLastSacrifice
Student
- Feb 14, 2020
- 174
The only thing stopping me is that I think I'm resourceful enough to obtain N. That's it. Beats blowing my brains out the back of my head.
I have all the things I need to CTB, but what's stopping me is that it's a difficult time for my girlfriend, and she would find it harder to move on at this point in time- who knows what'll happen when she's through this bit in her life. Good luck with your struggles!
Nem
Drs suck mega ass!
- Sep 3, 2018
- 1,489
My dad is dying in a care home, trying to hang in there until he passes but it's no goddamn use. I'm going downhill so fast it's scary
Peace/hugs
Peace/hugs
TheLastSacrifice
Student
- Feb 14, 2020
- 174
I was going to buy one on the dark web since with my mental health past I can't get one legally. The part of me that for some reason wants to live spent all my money on other things instead so I couldn't buy my gun.
mpnf
Mental anguish..no more please.
- Oct 3, 2019
- 190
In my case is not inertia but you described it very well in your first paragraph.
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