Venting Round 2

[RandomIsaacGuy]

Though my interaction on this forum is somewhat limited, preferring to lurk more so than anything, I feel I owe it to everyone here out of kinship more than anything that I'm attempting to CTB later today, hopefully second time is the charm.

After having lived the past 10months with no trace of enjoyability or even neutrality, the pain never stops nor slows down it only builds and things only ever get worse, I've tried everything reasonable there is to try and even somethings that I would have considered unreasonable to try and remove or even limit the pain, nothing works.
Though I feel some level of guilty of the methodology I'm aiming to CTB with, I have no other options, with the SN I ordered almost a month ago not having arrived and my other attempt being woefully inadequate in causing the damage I need to get the job done I just don't have any other recourse.

I'm grateful to this community for the insight and knowledge it has provided and wish you folk the best and that you get out of life what you want
Lord knows there's nobody praying for me before this goes up, maybe after someone will.

If I'm still active 15hours after this goes up then I guess I failed and I'm sorry to have posted a bit of a red herring

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. What's your method now?

I wish you all the best and I hope you find peace.

 

[ChainedCrow]

Im so sorry u had to went through such a horrible life. I wish u all the best whatever happends and good luck hope whatever u think is in the afterlife comes true. Much love

 

[deathisapanacea]

Best of luck

 

[Terrible_Life]

Though my interaction on this forum is somewhat limited, preferring to lurk more so than anything, I feel I owe it to everyone here out of kinship more than anything that I'm attempting to CTB later today, hopefully second time is the charm.

After having lived the past 10months with no trace of enjoyability or even neutrality, the pain never stops nor slows down it only builds and things only ever get worse, I've tried everything reasonable there is to try and even somethings that I would have considered unreasonable to try and remove or even limit the pain, nothing works.
Though I feel some level of guilty of the methodology I'm aiming to CTB with, I have no other options, with the SN I ordered almost a month ago not having arrived and my other attempt being woefully inadequate in causing the damage I need to get the job done I just don't have any other recourse.

I'm grateful to this community for the insight and knowledge it has provided and wish you folk the best and that you get out of life what you want
Lord knows there's nobody praying for me before this goes up, maybe after someone will.

If I'm still active 15hours after this goes up then I guess I failed and I'm sorry to have posted a bit of a red herring

I hope you'll archive your goal. This world is terrible. It's literally made for materialistic narcissists who would sell their grandmother for more success money etc., those are the people who somehow enjoy their time here the most not the good ones who are smart and brave. If you succeed you can be very happy you'll leave this disgusting world. Everything is transient. Not every human has to be here for 80+ years only to realize at the end that nothing will last everything will go some day!

 

[RandomIsaacGuy]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. What's your method now?

I wish you all the best and I hope you find peace.

Train

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find peace from suffering, I wish you the best.

 

[RandomIsaacGuy]

Thank you guys for the kind words, all of you.

The proverbial straw that broke the camels back was when the only thing I truly cared about in this world, the best friend I have ever had that eventually turned love interest, 180'd on me, we went from sharing everything together thoughts wise to me be excised from their life like a cancerous tumour, being exiled after being promised that nothing would change and the ensuing 2 month solid panic attack and watching my own mental breakdown from the first person is more painful than it sounds. It's a horrendous feeling being hated by the only person you care about deep down.

I'm sorry that my thoughts are so scattered and I can't sound as coherent as I used to be, I'm not the man I once was and I'm ~3.5hours away from the due time, this ordeal has done irreversible damage to my brain and ability to think.

 

[spero_meliora]

I'm so sorry life has been this way to you... whatever you choose, I wish you the best and hope you find peace.

 

[darksouls]

I am so sorry you have to go through all this
that all sounds very cruel
I wish you the best
hope you find relief from suffering

 

[RandomIsaacGuy]

To my dismay, apparently 10 months of begging any divinity that is listening and craving death non-stop isn't enough for me to step out in front of a train, despite how desperate I am to die. :(