Anyone feel so bad, research methods, and conclude that none are viable

[affirmatice]

Sorry if this is not the right section.

I'm in a lot of pain. Hopeless, depressed, hateful, confused, anxious. These emotions run rampant in my brain and at this point i dont even know what I feel - just that every thought is painful.

I don't come on this site often. But when I feel so bad, I come here researching, looking for methods. It's terrible. I can never find one, the survival instinct is still strong. I fear pain, I fear becoming disabled, I fear hurting my loved ones, I fear death - even after all the mental pain I still fear death.

So I conclude that I can't do it. But just because I can't do it, doesn't make my life better. I still feel pain, and I don't know what to do. Currently in therapy, but i'm not sure if it will help.

 

[SmallKoy]

Yes, I know how that feels. I desperately don't want to exist, but I can't kill myself. I wish I could go to therapy but I don't have the financial means as it is costly to get therapy in Canada. Therapy works for some, and for others it doesn't, but I encourage you to try it. It can take a lot of work though, and sometimes doesn't work out the first few times. I hope you can find some peace, and relax from the anxiety and confusion, they are the worst feelings in the world.

 

[Quietist]

Yes.

And often times, it seems more tortuous when you try to improve, turn things around, and then life just fucks you over again, and again, killing that hope.

Can't even really live, and can't fucking die.

 

[Praying 4 a Miracle]

Therapy to recover and keep on living is your best bet.

 

[pezkeus]

I feel the same. Although, I don't fear death, I fear the pain.
It's excruciating when you can't get better, but you also can't kill yourself.