Anyone else with codependency? Loving someone with an addiction?

[fatalucia]

i would say my codependency is exacerbating my suicidal thoughts. i want to attend an online al-anon meeting in private but i can't because i work so much to pay bills and then i'm too tired once i get home. i am not the same person all of the time... i have changed so much from the stres and anxiety because they get to stay home and relieve stress by their addiction. i have NO method to alleviate stress in my life. i try so hard to worry about myself and try to get better at something that doesn't involve the other person, but money is the constant reminder that i will never be good enough to help us make it out. i am so frustrated with their complacency and disease but it was around long before me so it is not my fault. i just hate that i am not a good enough reason to at least try to get better.
but i feel like killing myself everyday now. it's awful to say out loud but the worst thing that could happen out of that is that i don't enable their sickness any more. best thing is i'd be finally free from my mind, from everything i've suffered in life. i would never wish suicide on anybody, but i don't believe it is selfish. if anybody does not ask to be born and still hurts this much and comes to such a drastic solution i understand their pain

 

[yellowroses]

I'm not sure if this is going to help or make it worse, but I feel this from the opposite perspective. I'm not dealing with addiction but severe mental illness, and my partner has to basically do everything for us. On one hand he's the only reason I'm sticking around, but on the other seeing what my condition does to him makes my suicidal ideation so much worse. Codependency is a bitch. I hope you're able to find peace, whatever you end up doing.

 

[bluesoapyskies]

codependency is horrible. if you left this situation, do you think you'd be happier? or is that not a possibility

 

[fatalucia]

codependency is horrible. if you left this situation, do you think you'd be happier? or is that not a possibility

no i think i'd be ruined. i attempt or plan out suicide every time someone leaves me. i would sooner be dead than try to leave whoever i depend on

I'm not sure if this is going to help or make it worse, but I feel this from the opposite perspective. I'm not dealing with addiction but severe mental illness, and my partner has to basically do everything for us. On one hand he's the only reason I'm sticking around, but on the other seeing what my condition does to him makes my suicidal ideation so much worse. Codependency is a bitch. I hope you're able to find peace, whatever you end up doing.

i was also in that position (and i still have mental illnesses now) so i understand what you mean. i wish my partner could remain sober and could understand what i'm going through.

 

[XdragonsoulX]

I feel the codependency thing, I'm attached to my partner basically at the hip. The only time we are separated is when we are at work, and we're looking at changing that to help our situation. I want to ctb but I think he would find out since outside of work we are only separated briefly. I don't like being without him and he doesn't like being without me. I think we are both each others reason to not ctb

 

[brainwormz]

codependency is all I know. When I fall I fall hard. I become subsumed by the other person. Then when I noticed the slightest change I become suicidal because thanks to my mom I have an intense fear of abandonment.
I find a healthy relationship is only possible if I'm not in love with the other person.