fatalucia
Member
- Jul 9, 2023
- 24
i would say my codependency is exacerbating my suicidal thoughts. i want to attend an online al-anon meeting in private but i can't because i work so much to pay bills and then i'm too tired once i get home. i am not the same person all of the time... i have changed so much from the stres and anxiety because they get to stay home and relieve stress by their addiction. i have NO method to alleviate stress in my life. i try so hard to worry about myself and try to get better at something that doesn't involve the other person, but money is the constant reminder that i will never be good enough to help us make it out. i am so frustrated with their complacency and disease but it was around long before me so it is not my fault. i just hate that i am not a good enough reason to at least try to get better.
but i feel like killing myself everyday now. it's awful to say out loud but the worst thing that could happen out of that is that i don't enable their sickness any more. best thing is i'd be finally free from my mind, from everything i've suffered in life. i would never wish suicide on anybody, but i don't believe it is selfish. if anybody does not ask to be born and still hurts this much and comes to such a drastic solution i understand their pain
but i feel like killing myself everyday now. it's awful to say out loud but the worst thing that could happen out of that is that i don't enable their sickness any more. best thing is i'd be finally free from my mind, from everything i've suffered in life. i would never wish suicide on anybody, but i don't believe it is selfish. if anybody does not ask to be born and still hurts this much and comes to such a drastic solution i understand their pain