Anyone else want to ctb because they don’t have the looks or money to indulge in a life of hedonism?

[Volatile]

In my opinion, it's either find meaning through religion or hedonism. I'm no longer religious and can't force my mind back into that box nor can I be a hedonist by having fun sex or traveling or playing the latest video games or navigating through the various social circles with their inherent dramas. Life is one long and boring walk to oblivion without all that.

 

[Marawa]

Yes agoraphobia has robbed me of many relationships

 

[therhydler]

If I won the lotto and was the most beautiful person in the world I would still want to ctb. But erase all my memories and theres a good chance I wouldn't want to

 

[littlelady774]

I'm pretty conservative in nature- I think hedonism is the downfall of our society.
But yeah, I agree with hydler- even if I had all the money and riches- I'd still want to ctb.
I'd probably use that money to buy N or something lol

 

[Broken]

If I won the lotto and was the most beautiful person in the world I would still want to ctb. But erase all my memories and theres a good chance I wouldn't want to

Ah the good old memory eraser. If only it existed. Time travel would be good as well

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I think I'd be alright if I had money. As a guy I am used to having my success and feelings of self-worth measured in dollar amounts. The judgement I've experienced from others at my lack of success has been intense and downright awful. People always expected a lot of me as I apparently showed a lot of potential in my younger years. But I've spent all my life wrapped up in mental health struggles, and now I am having problems relating to health in general. I think people really underestimate the male struggle - we are absolutely forced to perform or be seen as less than human. I can take my own personal difficulties with mental health etc on the chin most of the time, but this endless being-looked-down-upon is soul crushing.

 

[Broken]

I think I'd be alright if I had money. As a guy I am used to having my success and feelings of self-worth measured in dollar amounts. The judgement I've experienced from others at my lack of success has been intense and downright awful. People always expected a lot of me as I apparently showed a lot of potential in my younger years. But I've spent all my life wrapped up in mental health struggles, and now I am having problems relating to health in general. I think people really underestimate the male struggle - we are absolutely forced to perform or be seen as less than human. I can take my own personal difficulties with mental health etc on the chin most of the time, but this endless being-looked-down-upon is soul crushing.

I was fortunate enough to have people in my life that didn't give to hoots about what I earned. All they wanted was to receive the love that they gave to me. I was so close to being the person I'd wanted to be. I had happiness staring me in the face and I lost it by letting them down. Turned out I wasn't capable of giving the love that I had recieved. It's been a very painful lesson realising the person that meant the most felt to let down to carry on. There is no amount of money that could replace what I've lost. You can't buy happiness, love and care. At least that's how I feel. The only thing money would be good for is it would give me a chance to move away and have a fresh start. Meet new people that don't know that I have made mistakes and let people down in my past.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I was fortunate enough to have people in my life that didn't give to hoots about what I earned. All they wanted was to receive the love that they gave to me. I was so close to being the person I'd wanted to be. I had happiness staring me in the face and I lost it by letting them down. Turned out I wasn't capable of giving the love that I had recieved. It's been a very painful lesson realising the person that meant the most felt to let down to carry on. There is no amount of money that could replace what I've lost. You can't buy happiness, love and care. At least that's how I feel. The only thing money would be good for is it would give me a chance to move away and have a fresh start. Meet new people that don't know that I have made mistakes and let people down in my past.

Thanks for sharing. That's the interesting thing though, money doesn't matter to me personally, it's purely about getting people/society off my back. My grandma died last year and the last thing she did was make some disparaging remark about my brother being a college professor and me being, well, my username, but not in so many words. That hurt a lot.

 

[JustAboutDone]

Thanks for sharing. That's the interesting thing though, money doesn't matter to me personally, it's purely about getting people/society off my back. My grandma died last year and the last thing she did was make some disparaging remark about my brother being a college professor and me being, well, my username, but not in so many words. That hurt a lot.

I'm not surprised it hurt - it's bad enough when you feel you aren't fulfilling the expectations you set for yourself let alone when other people, especially family who are *supposed* to be on your side, do and say cruel things like that. It's amazing what people 'value' and what they base other people's worth on, isn't it. I have a relative who earns a vast salary and who never has a kind word to say about anything or anyone but the family worship her...

Edit: to add - it's really hard when your own values don't match those of your family and they try and impose their expectations on you even when you are practically middle aged like me. I would rather live or die my way in a manner that I'm comfortable with. I don't need to climb to the top of some corporate ladder and earn money and buy a big house and a faster car and die in an old peoples home to prove I "Made It" in life

 

[Final Escape]

In my opinion, it's either find meaning through religion or hedonism. I'm no longer religious and can't force my mind back into that box nor can I be a hedonist by having fun sex or traveling or playing the latest video games or navigating through the various social circles with their inherent dramas. Life is one long and boring walk to oblivion without all that.

I lived that way in my youth but it leaves you unhappy in the second half of life. The things that matter to u when young change as you get into midlife. I have nothing to show for now and not much meaning.

 

[Deleted member 4993]

Winning the lottery would sway me, it would be a chance to help others. Past the good looks stage :-)

 

[daemonblight]

It's a big part of it, yes.

 

[Redt2go]

If I won the lotto and was the most beautiful person in the world I would still want to ctb. But erase all my memories and theres a good chance I wouldn't want to

Agreed

 

[wishfulthinking]

Winning the lottery would sway me, it would be a chance to help others. Past the good looks stage :-)

Agree. :-)

I would love to help others, who suffered with life, if i would win the lottery.

 

[throwaway123]

In my opinion, it's either find meaning through religion or hedonism. I'm no longer religious and can't force my mind back into that box nor can I be a hedonist by having fun sex or traveling or playing the latest video games or navigating through the various social circles with their inherent dramas. Life is one long and boring walk to oblivion without all that.

Even if you had the looks or money, it doesn't matter. At the end of the day you'll feel the same way. It's who you are. You are smart enough to look beyond the maze. You know it's a pointless endeavor.

Maybe you can delude yourself for a while but it can only go on for so long. Eventually you'll run out of options.

 

[seekingoblivion]

Maybe it might have been one of the places it started but at this point one of the things keeping me unhappy about life is the pointlessness of it all. You live through a roller coaster of a life just to lose it in the end. Maybe if I had more of a hedonistic life I might view it a bit differently but honestly even when the good times have rolled life has still been as pointless as always. Perhaps I just haven't run into some good enough times.

 

[coma-baby]

I want to kill myself because I don't even get pleasure out of indulging in hedonism. I wish I had hedonistic desires because it would be something to cling onto.

 

[Exitforme]

I want to kill myself because I don't even get pleasure out of indulging in hedonism. I wish I had hedonistic desires because it would be something to cling onto.

Is there any point to existing when the so called fun and pleasurable activities fail to produce fun and pleasure?

I have also experienced anhedonia. Without the relief that "ecstasy" provides, life is just a constant and pointless sequence of monotonous events and random activities.

 

[justanotherday]

Yes, you are right.
I have anhedonia, so I no longer find enjoyment in anything this world has to offer.

 

[Sweet emotion]

No

 

[Conker]

Is there any point to existing when the so called fun and pleasurable activities fail to produce fun and pleasure?

I have also experienced anhedonia. Without the relief that "ecstasy" provides, life is just a constant and pointless sequence of monotonous events and random activities.

pretty spot-on way to describe how it's like experiencing anhedonia.