Discussion Anyone else suicidal because of work?

[5er50ji]

Going through workplace bullying and really not wanting to be here anymore. I've been in denial and only just realised how badly it's affecting me when I started trying to suck my tears back into my eyes on my commute home. I hate staring at the train tracks wanting so badly to jump but being too scared. I've lost 15lbs in two months which is not normal for me at all. I'm looking for another job but not living would be the better option.

 

[rorosbones]

not quite the same reasons, but the other day at work i had the horrible realization that this is all there is. when i get home from work i'm exhausted, and when i'm not working i'm recovering from work or preparing to go back. it makes living seem so unappealing when all we're expected to do is work until we're too old to.

 

[amnesia999]

Yes, I have felt like CTB'ing due to work. Long story short, I felt unable to go to work due to bad anxiety, mainly with the way my boss treated me, and I ended up losing the job because I didn't go to work. This also left me very short of cash until I was able to get my early retirement income going. It was a bad time in my life, but I actually have a pattern of "shooting myself in the foot" due to anxiety-related issues.

Hey, if you want that 15 lbs. back, I'd be happy to donate them to you! I want to get on a weight loss drug like Ozempic in order to drop some of this weight.

 

[Gild-Holm-’Ur]

I've haven't suffered as much as you, but when work does go bad, I carry it home. To my chagrin, I can escape a bad home situation by throwing myself into my work, but the other way around doesn't work. Is there an HR person that could help?

 

[valar_morghulis21]

when I had a job, I was suicidal. Now I got no job, and I'm also suicidal. 2 side of the suicidal coin

 

[dragonofenvy]

It's not the sole reason, but it's yet another reminder of my soul-crushing existence. Each day I spend are hours trapped in monotony with nothing to occupy myself with other than music and the ruminations that run through my mind. Each day I wake up to work I am again reminded of how I failed to attain a career I could take pride in. And what is there waiting for me when I am done with work? Nothing. Time is spent waiting for the day to end just so I can do the same tomorrow.

In your situation, I would try to find another job as fast as possible. You don't deserve to deal with bullying in the workplace to that extent. There are better places out there.

 

[itsgone2]

My work is hell. I have the best job possible, then we sold and now it's a nightmare. No way to describe it properly. And absolute hell.

It not the only reason. But if it were steady still, I wouldn't be here right now.

 

[passthisnote]

yes but for me it's more of an existential thing like wow i have to be a wagecuck for the rest of my life if i want to live and then it just makes me want to ctb even more

 

[bb142342]

Yes, work is a major reason behind these thoughts—or rather, that desire.

It's not really because of my colleagues; they're great. But at this company, internal employees don't count for anything—not even if you've gone on to complete additional degree programs. And now, given the economic situation and the disastrous policies in this country, there aren't many jobs left, and the new contracts offer terrible pay.

I can't even switch off during my time off anymore; just like on weekends, I start thinking about that wretched Monday—when it all begins again—as early as Friday.

Don't get me wrong—I actually really enjoy working. In my private life, I like keeping busy all day, looking after my parents' garden, chopping wood, and so on.

But there's this forced routine: the alarm ringing every morning, having to drag yourself out of bed in pain, and knowing that—no matter how fast you work, or even if there's nothing left to do by the afternoon—you're stuck in this "part-time prison" until 4 or 5 PM.

And facing another 20-plus years of that. Then, unless you've made your own private financial arrangements, a lousy pension awaits—one that wouldn't allow you to afford anything.

I think if I won a few million in the lottery and could stop working, that desire to die might well vanish.
Just doing whatever I want and focusing entirely on my hobbies.

 

[Argent]

Yes it's a big one for me. Was just told to delete everything I built in the past 6 months I was here. Doing great.

 

[Tired_birth_1967]

What bothers me about work—aside from my age (60+)—is doing it just to sustain a life I never actually enjoyed. I dislike being nothing more than a living entity, the product of a random process that compels me to keep on living. For decades, I've asked myself every day when I'll finally put an end to it. There is nothing ahead but death. Why wait? Why subject myself to this game? Ending up an invalid? Dependent on others to clean up my feces or bathe me? I suppose I'm still here waiting for the "easy way" to die to come along—an accident, a serious terminal illness, and so on.

 

[Pluto]

 

[shadowlove]

I don't even have a job. The pressure of illness brings me devastating things. I even feel that my heart beats faster when I see people. I always feel that they are staring at me. If I am at work, I will be panic disorder. I really don't like socializing with people, which makes me very stressed.

 

[coolcow1289]

Yes. Work is all I have. I've failed to build any meaningful life outside work. So when something goes bad at work, I take it very poorly. My job is stupid and meaningless and by extension so is my life.