I think I understand what you're saying, even if the big picture is a miserable one, it's best to end on a high note or a good day, right?
I'm sure for people who are mostly doing so to die on their own terms would probably choose that, but a lot of people ctb impulsively or when they're out of options so idk how realistic that is for everyone
I am convinced that when we turn to stone it means we should have killed ourselves before that point when we were in such extreme emotions
that made them go numb
I originally read your post backwards, sorry. i'm editing it. I have thoughts of CTB almost everyday, but when I want to engage in them is when things are really miserable.
If possible, I'd prefer to have ctb feel like a good thing. I don't want to be leaving in agony if possible. Even despite my debilitations, there are moments where I visualize having n and having it be a peaceful and reassuring thing.
I'm not sure if I could really achieve leaving on a good note, definitely not anytime soon, but it's something I hope for whenever that time may come.
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