Venting Anyone else hate the phrase: 'At least'?

[Forever Sleep]

Does anyone else hate it when people respond to a problem with the phrase: 'At least..'? It's probably fair sometimes. It tends to mean- 'At least things aren't any worse' but then- I also think they really mean: 'At least your situation isn't as bad as mine.' So- in other words- you should not only feel more sorry for them- but- you should also be grateful for your own (bad but not as bad as theirs) circumstances.

It's not to say they aren't justified. Their circumstances may well be worse. Plus- I'm sure their intentions aren't bad- they probably feel like they should be trying to get us to see the positive side. Still- it's that feeling of forcing positivity on you. The very worst thing is- I find myself wanting to say it to people too! I hope I stop myself though.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I hate that phrase especially in my case!!!

 

[Deadweight]

I use it in reference to my own situation to put people at ease, that I'm looking at the bright side, or that I can separate the good from the bad or whatever it is they need to hear to ease whatever my situation invokes in them.

To me it's like finding a perfectly polished, shining coin in the ashes of your burned down house.

At least this little coin survived. At least I've got this shiny little coin. Haha? Right? Got to look on the bright side. Right? Hahaha... Don't worry about me.

 

[alonely]

yeah, it's invalidating of problems that you're struggling with and of how strongly it affects you

 

[FormerlyFe(IV)]

Oh man.

I was talking to my friends that I was feeling like shit, that my meds had stopped working
They were like, "it could be worse" and "and least it just stopped and no negative effects"
And I was like, "no, it can't be worse"
And they went on their spiel again
And I said it again
And they didn't understand my subtle cries for help

All I wanted was to be heard. That I was in pain.

 

[Pluto]

Sometimes this situation is referred to as the misery Olympics. It can invalidate genuine suffering on the part of another by drawing a comparison to somebody else.

I can add that this can also be flat-out wrong. For example, the aggregate of a vast number of minor childhood traumas like bullying or neglect can add up to a worse end result than a single large PTSD-inducing event such as a serious accident. There are other complicating factors like resources for recovery and the sensitivity of an individual's CNS which can vary from person to person.

Yet in the former case, there is no big-ticket item to rationally explain why a person may be in distress, and unless they are very educated, they will struggle to explain what they are going through. In such a case, the minimisation caused by the misery Olympics is the exact opposite of what that individual actually needs since there may even be undiagnosed CPTSD. Without validation, the likely result will be self-blame, emotional repression and other behaviours likely to cause a further spiral.

On the other hand, it can occasionally be helpful to put one's grievances into a broader perspective. It can be an epiphany for some people under the right circumstances and allows them to 'snap' out of an unnecessary state of self-pity.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

It's certainly a suspect phrase that can smack of invalidation and can land very poorly. You can find lots of articles about grief that talk about the harmfulness of that phrase. Perspective can be very useful but it takes a lot of skill to be able to offer that without invalidating. And people generally aren't very good at giving emotional support.