Throwmyselfaway
Not gone yet but soon
- Jan 14, 2020
- 797
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Pol
Student
- Jan 24, 2020
- 119
yup. did just that.
but then, i did the most reckless shit of all. i tried to start over - got a job, new place to live. took a huge risk, and got into a relationship. now i'm stuck again.
i should have sticked with the plan.
MsMaudlin
This is the fierce last stand of all I am
- Dec 8, 2019
- 875
Yeah, I'm supposed to be losing weight, fuck that, eat the cake!
And buying my child loads of new things!
And buying my child loads of new things!
LastRide
Specialist
- Jan 23, 2020
- 369
I keep on doing things that are wildly dangerous - including Russian Roulette with a .357 Magnum Revolver, jumping off the boat in the middle of the ocean, jumping off a cliff, driving my car at 250 mph on the motorway while totally drunk and with no glasses on so half blind. I should have probably died around 10 times already so far, but nothing ever happens to me....I know this might sound completely crazy but I am wondering whether I am not some kind of vampire or Highlander, some sort of strange type of Immortal...or whether I have just been damn lucky so far. I'll ctb soon so I'll find out !
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k75
L'appel du Vide
- Jun 27, 2019
- 2,546
The more depressed I get, the more dangerous my behavior gets. I don't really do things that will jeopardize my quality of life. Like, I pay my bills and rent immediately and buy groceies even though I often forget to eat them. Because I know I have to live with whatever situation I cause as long as I'm still around.
But after that... money goes fast because I just keep buying stupid shit, hoping it'll make me feel better. And I hook up with strangers, especially ones I know don't give a damn about me and I know will be rough with me. Sometimes I crave the abuse.
But all that alternates with me just completely shutting down and never bothering to get out of bed. So I guess it depends on the day.
But after that... money goes fast because I just keep buying stupid shit, hoping it'll make me feel better. And I hook up with strangers, especially ones I know don't give a damn about me and I know will be rough with me. Sometimes I crave the abuse.
But all that alternates with me just completely shutting down and never bothering to get out of bed. So I guess it depends on the day.
PrettyMoose
Eat my arse, Pain&Sh*tness & Mindf*ckitation Grift
- Mar 1, 2020
- 280
I smoke cigarettes and drink coffee with a mountain of sugar in it everyday, does that count?
awfullife
Arcanist
- Nov 16, 2019
- 435
Wayfaerer
JFMSUF
- Aug 21, 2019
- 1,938
Yes, I've been significantly more reckless since I decided that I was going to CTB. Failed classes, took out loans, etc. I used to be overly cautious and this is very much out of character for me.
I'd do this but they all demand using condoms unless they are streetwalkers (whom I have no experience with.)
I'd do this but they all demand using condoms unless they are streetwalkers (whom I have no experience with.)
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HorribleFeelings1
Its a hard knock life
- Jan 18, 2020
- 321
Lmao I'm poor atm so I can't, But I would love to do reckless shit because I'm going to CTB
I also used to think about doing some crazy things, before ctb but now when I am actually nearing it, I am totally focused on the ultimate goal, methods planning etc
porfin1234
Arcanist
- Dec 26, 2019
- 476
I sabotaged my job for this reason and did other messed up things. But I'm still around. Now who knows what repercussions will bring.
Me too, I quit a good job because I was sure I was going to ctb. I regret quitting it.
porfin1234
Arcanist
- Dec 26, 2019
- 476
Yea.. ironically I feel like having suicidal ideation and obsessing over it all my life will be the death of me, mostly because of how it's caused me to ruin relationships and other things important in my life.
TAW122
Emissary of the right to die.
- Aug 30, 2018
- 7,007
Not really because in the absolute rarest of instances if things do change (unaccounted for variable or change in plans or timing due to circumstances out of my control), I'd still wish to have some modicum of control over my situation in the event I need to postpone. By and large, I would try to enjoy what is left of my existence before I CTB though.
ravergirl
Death becomes her
- Jul 22, 2020
- 294
If it was just me, I would've probably traveled to my favorite cities around the world and then ended it.
But since I'm married, I want to leave my husband with something.
I also would probably drink myself stupid, but I've been sober for over two years. My husband is an alcoholic, so we have decided to both live as teetotalers. I do miss wine and vodka, though. If I was alone, I might be getting drunk every night.
I've also never done drugs, not even pot. I could see me devolving into crazy pills and stuff like that.
But since I'm married, I want to leave my husband with something.
I also would probably drink myself stupid, but I've been sober for over two years. My husband is an alcoholic, so we have decided to both live as teetotalers. I do miss wine and vodka, though. If I was alone, I might be getting drunk every night.
I've also never done drugs, not even pot. I could see me devolving into crazy pills and stuff like that.
Actually yes, lately i've been turning down job offers and delegating work to some of the newer people at work so when I leave they'll be able to handle things in my absence.
Nymph
he/him
- Jul 15, 2020
- 2,564
No, I'm scared to die of a "nonpeacful" way. So if I'm waking the street I'll still look left and right even tho i have a urge to jump into the road. That would be painful. There's other instances obviously but this is what came into my mind
ravergirl
Death becomes her
- Jul 22, 2020
- 294
Sex worker here. There are escorts (like me) who will do unprotected. Look for "BBFS" in ads - meaning bare back full service. =]
Serenity
Another Broken Spirit.
- Feb 8, 2020
- 79
I used to be like this. Then I realized that by doing reckless stuff, I was just intensifying my suffering and making things worse for myself, and hurting my family.
Wayfaerer
JFMSUF
- Aug 21, 2019
- 1,938
Thank you! Yeah, it's taboo to speak of on escorting forums but I've heard some will do it. I'll be sure to be on the lookout next time (if I live that long.)
Belit667
Experienced
- Aug 2, 2020
- 247
Ybother
Life is a lemon and I want my money back.
- Jul 23, 2020
- 42
Absolutely! I don't believe life has any intrinsic value, and I don't fit into regular society anyway. I can't even fake it anymore! Haha
I've learned to accept that I'm cringe and perverted. One of my favorite movies is The Joker and Naked (1993) because they know its all just a game you can't win. So did Alan Watts. I accept that I have an addictive personality, I accept that there is something about me that is Just...not okay in the eyes of others. Oh well unless they are paying me, making me laugh or cum. I know I seem unlikable but Idc anymore. Got nothing to lose at this point, but myself. Heck, I'm drunk now.
Yes. It's a combination of trying to find enjoyment and not caring about the future.
