anyone else cry themselves to sleep every single night

[Insomniac]

every single day for me is a confirmation that I'm not about to get what I want in life due to my miserable income, which is: my own house where I can live in peace in a rural area.

I'm never going to be able to leave my mom's house despite the fact that I work my ass off.

I feel humiliated and exploited. I feel like an absolute idiot. I am an absolute idiot. I don't deserve anything for allowing other people to exploit me like that. I'm nothing more than a slave and I genuinely deserve every single thing that happens to me and I deserve to die a painful death.

 

[A simple aid]

every single day for me is a confirmation that I'm not about to get what I want in life due to my miserable income, which is: my own house where I can live in peace in a rural area.

I'm never going to be able to leave my mom's house despite the fact that I work my ass off.

I feel humiliated and exploited. I feel like an absolute idiot. I am an absolute idiot. I don't deserve anything for allowing other people to exploit me like that. I'm nothing more than a slave and I genuinely deserve every single thing that happens to be and I deserve to die a painful death.

lol...quite the statement there buddy....if ud like to talk about ur situation in understanding hands .....im here bro

 

[DisillusionedDragon]

No, you don't.
I feel like you are turning the justified hatred and anger you (should) have for the world/people that wronged you towards yourself, please don't do that.
But I totally feel and understand you. I will also never get what I want.

I wish I could comfort you.
This world can be a horrible place. All we can do is be there for each other.
Feel free to write me when the nightly sadness and despair get's too much.

 

[botch3d]

Nah, i cry when I wake up, not when I go to bed

 

[EndlessDespair]

N

every single day for me is a confirmation that I'm not about to get what I want in life due to my miserable income, which is: my own house where I can live in peace in a rural area.

I'm never going to be able to leave my mom's house despite the fact that I work my ass off.

I feel humiliated and exploited. I feel like an absolute idiot. I am an absolute idiot. I don't deserve anything for allowing other people to exploit me like that. I'm nothing more than a slave and I genuinely deserve every single thing that happens to be and I deserve to die a painful death.

Only terrible criminals deserve a painful death, and you did nothing wrong. Don't ever think like that. There is no reason to feel ashamed about living with your mom, that's just free rent for some people. And while you living with you can save up money a lot faster, which will lead to your goal faster as well. If it's a money issue there are a lot of side hustles that are not too difficult to get into. Alot of tutorials on YouTube that will help you out.

 

[HumansAreHell]

every single day for me is a confirmation that I'm not about to get what I want in life due to my miserable income, which is: my own house where I can live in peace in a rural area.

I'm never going to be able to leave my mom's house despite the fact that I work my ass off.

I feel humiliated and exploited. I feel like an absolute idiot. I am an absolute idiot. I don't deserve anything for allowing other people to exploit me like that. I'm nothing more than a slave and I genuinely deserve every single thing that happens to be and I deserve to die a painful death.

I feel this too. I constantly hate myself for being stuck in a similar situation… It makes every day absolutely exhausting. I'm really sorry you have to go through this. I'm here for you if you need someone to talk to.

 

[EndlessDespair]

Nah, i cry when I wake up, not when I go to bed

Exactly, when I sleep I get a break from reality, and can get a glimpse of happiness. It's when I wake up and realize it was just dream, and I'm still alive suffering. That's what makes me cry.

 

[Dying Failure]

I cry all the time. Doesn't matter when but when I'm alone at night it seems to hit harder. I can relate. I'm here for you if you ever wanna talk. For me talking doesn't help. Getting help hasn't helped. I just have to find my strength to finally do it and go home where I belong cause I don't belong in this world

 

[niiina]

You're a victim of this dystopian society we live in, it's absolutely not your fault to be exploited! That's fault on the broken system, you're just trying to survive! Don't take this weight on yourself, that's a mistake.

And I can't cry for some reason, in bed before sleeping I keep having flashbacks of when life was good and how it slippered through my fingers and I'll never have the same opportunity again, again and again and again "hell is repetition" then I have a panic attack, every fucking night. I wish I could take a good cry, seems soothing.

 

[FuneralCry]

I cannot really cry anymore and never do. But each night I desperately wish to never wake again, I hope that somehow in my sleep I will pass away and return to the peaceful nothingness where I'm meant to be. Unfortunately I always seem to wake up. If only dying is that straightforward then that would be ideal. Temporary sleep could never offer enough relief as long as the chance of waking again is always there.

 

[plan c]

I always have a feeling that something clusters in my chest and throat. That not only gives me mental grief but also seem to hinder all life-activities of mine, from generating the impulse to eat to reacting to the surroundings. This thing only temporarily diminishes when I cry my eyes out and/or think about SN.
Psychologists tell me that it was a symptom of mental issues. Ye to me it could be more than that.

 

[AintNoWayOut]

i go through phases. used to cry like five times a day, now i rarely do. ive sorta numbed i guess, becoming more "accepting" of my situation.. but that probably just means im likely to crack soon.

 

[Lost Magic]

So sorry you are going through this. I wish I lived in a rural place too. I recently had a maniac neighbour living next door to me who trashed the house alongside his gf. Thankfully he has been booted out. I am really worried about who is going to be living next door. I went to the Highlands of Scotland last year and it was beautiful. I wish to God I just died there and never returned to these awful lowlands. And to answer your question, I used to cry a lot. I don't anymore, however, because I am now on Prozac. I just feel numb and confused these days. I can't wait till it is over.

 

[Lavender Dreams]

Don't fall into the trap of self hate just because you've been dealt a bad deck of cards. It could happen to anyone. It's easier said than done, but try and treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend.

 

[IwanttodieASAP]

every single night for 4 months now

God I hate life, please let me feel peace

 

[Insomniac]

Thanks everyone for the attention and support. this place always bring me some relief somehow.

I'm going to try to sleep now. I have 12 hours of intense work tomorrow for a (practically) unpaid internship.

 

[A simple aid]

No, you don't.
I feel like you are turning the justified hatred and anger you (should) have for the world/people that wronged you towards yourself, please don't do that.
But I totally feel and understand you. I will also never get what I want.

I wish I could comfort you.
This world can be a horrible place. All we can do is be there for each other.
Feel free to write me when the nightly sadness and despair get's too much.

good work bro pls keep it up....we need more people read to hear and help with understanding than those that scream fuck life fuck life....die die die

every single night for 4 months now

God I hate life, please let me feel peace

you dont have the calm serenity and lifeless depression of most on the site,,,u seem very jittery and anxious....the doors to like minded assistance are always open

Thanks everyone for the attention and support. this place always bring me some relief somehow.

I'm going to try to sleep now. I have 12 hours of intense work tomorrow for a (practically) unpaid internship.

goodluck bro....well be here for u ...especially at your darkest moments

 

[jackie_boy1337]

Yes.
It's like there's a volume switch on my "tinnitus" that somebody turns up as soon as I lay down to sleep every night.

I'll probably have to sleep with the TV on full blast for the rest of my (hopefully short) life just at a chance that'll I'll be able to get some sleep.

Some nights it doesn't work and the physical pain in my inner ear gets so bad that all I can do is lay there and cry for hours.

It's made my life a living hell.

 

[Death is my goal]

legitimate question, how do you cry? i can't even if I try my best. it's so hard

 

[jackie_boy1337]

legitimate question, how do you cry? i can't even if I try my best. it's so hard

Personally, I was happier when I felt completely numb.
As I've recently found out:
If you make it long enough, some unbearable emotion will break through the numbness and you'll end up crying your eyes out.
Just a matter of time.

 

[SamTam33]

I always have a feeling that something clusters in my chest and throat. That not only gives me mental grief but also seem to hinder all life-activities of mine, from generating the impulse to eat to reacting to the surroundings. This thing only temporarily diminishes when I cry my eyes out and/or think about SN.
Psychologists tell me that it was a symptom of mental issues. Ye to me it could be more than that.

I experience these exact same symptoms. I start gagging when it's really bad. I've chalked it up to anxiety.

I trick my mind for several minutes just so my throat and chest will relax enough for me to eat. And almost as soon as I'm finished, the feeling is right there again. Crying releases the pressure that has built up.

I used to cry every single day. All throughout the day and cry myself to sleep. But as the weeks go on, it's harder and harder to cry.

Even if a few tears eke out, they dry up quickly. I don't have the hours long crying spells where my eyes get so puffy I can't see.

I kind of miss those episodes because the lack of crying seems to indicate that I'm starting to care less and less.

I think I still want to feel something, though. I'm not 100% certain.

 

[DisillusionedDragon]

Personally, I was happier when I felt completely numb.
As I've recently found out:
If you make it long enough, some unbearable emotion will break through the numbness and you'll end up crying your eyes out.
Just a matter of time.

I am currently numb and I'm honestly a little scared of what will happen if I can't hold up my walls anymore.

 

[Zegers]

It's like there's a volume switch on my "tinnitus" that somebody turns up as soon as I lay down to sleep every night

Is tinnitus that serious? I ask because I don't know much about it.

@Imsomniac try to go step by step, everything requires some planning, as you have been told, try to save and if you don't like your job try to find another one.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Can't cry. Feel nothing.

 

[jackie_boy1337]

Is tinnitus that serious? I ask because I don't know much about it.

@Imsomniac try to go step by step, everything requires some planning, as you have been told, try to save and if you don't like your job try to find another one.

Yeah, it is. Inner ear imbalances can fuck up your whole nervous system. It's pure hell.

 

[Insomniac]

legitimate question, how do you cry? i can't even if I try my best. it's so hard

for me, the tears and ugly crying just start compulsively when it hits me every night that I work like a dog for a miserable, miserable salary and I can see clearly that at this pace, I'll never not be a slave.

It's a combination of extreme fatigue and no benefits from the hard work. It's the genuine despair because there's no way to make sense of my situation. I can't even justify my misery by laziness because I'm everything but lazy. It's the realisation that I'm one of those people who's benefit of their work somehow get ripped off by the person I work for.

It's heartbreaking.

legitimate question, how do you cry? i can't even if I try my best. it's so hard

for me, the tears and ugly crying just start compulsively when it hits me every night that I work like a dog for a miserable, miserable salary and I can see clearly that at this pace, I'll never not be a slave.

It's a combination of extreme fatigue and no benefits from the hard work. It's the genuine despair because there's no way to make sense of my situation. I can't even justify my misery by laziness because I'm everything but lazy. It's the realisation that I'm one of those people who's benefit of their work somehow get ripped off by the person I work for.

It's heartbreaking.

 

[Willto]

Can't cry. No emotions comes to the surface anymore.

 

[DisillusionedDragon]

for me, the tears and ugly crying just start compulsively when it hits me every night that I work like a dog for a miserable, miserable salary and I can see clearly that at this pace, I'll never not be a slave.

It's a combination of extreme fatigue and no benefits from the hard work. It's the genuine despair because there's no way to make sense of my situation. I can't even justify my misery by laziness because I'm everything but lazy. It's the realisation that I'm one of those people who's benefit of their work somehow get ripped off by the person I work for.

It's heartbreaking.

That truly is an awful feeling. I hate this world we created. I hate how it makes so many people suffer.
Is there any way you can get out of there? Or at least make it a little more bearable?
Can you be angry? Try to be angry, go mad with rage if you so desire, it is justified. It can be very freeing.
You don't deserve to get exploited like that.
You deserve a good life.

 

[lebrodude]

Yes.
It's like there's a volume switch on my "tinnitus" that somebody turns up as soon as I lay down to sleep every night.

I'll probably have to sleep with the TV on full blast for the rest of my (hopefully short) life just at a chance that'll I'll be able to get some sleep.

Some nights it doesn't work and the physical pain in my inner ear gets so bad that all I can do is lay there and cry for hours.

It's made my life a living hell.

Ive had bad tinnitus for 6 months now and it's the reason I want to die.

Well that's not quite true I don't want to die , I just can't live with this.

I feel your pain brother.

 

[Per Ardua Ad Astra]

Day / night : since 4 years +
Tears burn like chlorine