Discussion Anyone else agoraphobic/housebound?

[ghostspace]

The internet is my only escape, it's how I fill my social interaction quota and feel less alone in general. I was wondering if anyone here is in the same boat? (Agoraphobia doesn't necessarily mean you never leave your home, but that you experience anxiety/stress/panic in public spaces.) What caused your agoraphobia/situation and how have you adjusted your life to accommodate it? Is there anything that makes going out in public or functioning at home easier for you?

I find it very difficult to get groceries I can't order online and to take out the trash since I have to walk through a lobby full of (really sociable, lovely) people who always want to stop and chat. Therapy is okay because I can do it via video chat, but other appointments are a nightmare.

(Anyone who has a tendency to isolate or an aversion to being in public is absolutely welcome to weigh in.)

 

[Final Escape]

Yes, I've become a loner over the years because of untreated quiet borderline personality disorder. I was too broke to afford years of psychotherapy that is needed to overcome this. I'm impossible to have a relationship with in any sane capacity. So yea beyond going to addiction meetings I don't go anywhere besides to buy stuff I need to exist lol! It's not much of a life. I do work but it's not a real job lol! I do make some money but most of it goes to rent. I decided to abort my children and in hindsight I regret this as they may have been a source of connection if they didn't hate me that is. Having borderline I'll bet my kids would have hated me or been traumatized for sure.

 

[Jean4]

I have always not liked being around people, but could go out of my house, and used to work outside my house.

9/11 happened and I stopped leaving.. even for work.

Started medical marijuana last year, and now I can leave my home. I don't want to, but can.

I order in all my groceries and send out laundry because I don't have a machine. Meds are mailed to my home as well as my cat good.

 

[ghostspace]

Yes, I've become a loner over the years because of untreated quiet borderline personality disorder. I was too broke to afford years of psychotherapy that is needed to overcome this. I'm impossible to have a relationship with in any sane capacity. So yea beyond going to addiction meetings I don't go anywhere besides to buy stuff I need to exist lol! It's not much of a life. I do work but it's not a real job lol! I do make some money but most of it goes to rent. I decided to abort my children and in hindsight I regret this as they may have been a source of connection if they didn't hate me that is. Having borderline I'll bet my kids would have hated me or been traumatized for sure.

Are you me??? I have quiet BPD as well and have isolated myself from everyone because I don't want to hurt anyone or get hurt myself. I bought a DBT book online and it helped me a LOT; maybe that's something you could try.

It's a lonely, painful, and misunderstood disorder. I'm sorry you're suffering from it, too. I hope one day there will be some scientific breakthrough and we'll be able to feel normal emotions and feel close to people.

I have always not liked being around people, but could go out of my house, and used to work outside my house.

9/11 happened and I stopped leaving.. even for work.

Started medical marijuana last year, and now I can leave my home. I don't want to, but can.

I order in all my groceries and send out laundry because I don't have a machine. Meds are mailed to my home as well as my cat good.

Do you work from home as well? I'm glad medical marijuana is helping a little.

 

[Mr2005]

This is the future. Everyone hooked up to the internet too scared to go outside. We're in it now. Makes sense why the suicide rate in Japan is so high. They've always been ahead of us technologically. Technology equals loneliness. It's replaced physical interaction. It's essentially destroyed humanity. The dystopian films of the past were a warning and we didn't listen. Someone's happy cashing in their check as the world goes to hell

 

[Anon2662]

I don't leave the house unless it is with either my mum or sister, or one of my 2 best friends and that's rare.. I go weeks without setting foot outside. Plus I am being spied on so staying inside with my curtains and blinds closed make their jobs a lot harder. I get very panicky even thinking about going out on my own.. and I don't have the energy to do anything anyway. some days I can't even bring myself to get out of bed, a good day for me is managing to go downstairs and sit in front of the tv and an even better day I can actually concentrate and focus on the tv.. When I do go outside with anyone, the voices I hear can really flare up as they know I'm in danger and I struggle to not react to them.. i get super worried about having panic attacks in public so just avoid the situation in the first place. I have now got two kittens who keep me company and they are my everything
(Sorry for the rant)

 

[ghostspace]

This is the future. Everyone hooked up to the internet too scared to go outside. We're in it now. Makes sense why the suicide rate in Japan is so high. They've always been ahead of us technologically. Technology equals loneliness. It's replaced physical interaction. It's essentially destroyed humanity. The dystopian films of the past were a warning and we didn't listen. Someone's happy cashing in their check as the world goes to hell

Honestly, I'm so grateful for the internet. When I first became agoraphobic after a traumatic event, I didn't know anything about forums or groups online and felt way lonelier then; it was a very dark time for me. The internet has given me a way to continue having a social life, interacting with people and keeping up with online friends lifts my spirits and gives me something to look forward to. Not to mention, I interact with people from all around the world of all different ages; people that I wouldn't otherwise have the privilege of knowing.

I can't go outside due to debilitating panic attacks and flashbacks that disorient me and can scare people sometimes. I used to love hiking and rock climbing; being out in the world is the best and I hope to be able to return to that someday, but in the meantime, I'm glad I have online places to explore, books to read, and people to talk to.

I don't leave the house unless it is with either my mum or sister, or one of my 2 best friends and that's rare.. I go weeks without setting foot outside. Plus I am being spied on so staying inside with my curtains and blinds closed make their jobs a lot harder. I get very panicky even thinking about going out on my own.. and I don't have the energy to do anything anyway. some days I can't even bring myself to get out of bed, a good day for me is managing to go downstairs and sit in front of the tv and an even better day I can actually concentrate and focus on the tv.. When I do go outside with anyone, the voices I hear can really flare up as they know I'm in danger and I struggle to not react to them.. i get super worried about having panic attacks in public so just avoid the situation in the first place. I have now got two kittens who keep me company and they are my everything
(Sorry for the rant)

Don't be sorry! I'm really interested in other people's experiences, and since we have some things in common, it makes me (and others who read this) feel less alone. I'm so glad you got two kittens! My whole world changed when I got my cats, they're the perfect companions for those of us who are struggling with isolation and mental health problems.

 

[Plutomoon]

I have only been leaving to go to work, grocery store, and places that feel familiar, therefore, safe. I haven't driven outside of my town except once to see my mom since the first of February. I don't even like driving but I just take the familiar route and it's ok but I still obsessively look at every car. None of this makes sense considering before January I was always somewhere besides my house. It is my safe place now. I know the reasons why and it has gotten better in the sense of panic/anxiety but it makes me sad to think of how I used to be so... hm, I want to say carefree but that's not exactly it lol. Maybe, unaware?
Also, it's not so much seeing people, it's a small town, I see people I know everywhere. It's just the event of being outside my house.

 

[ghostspace]

I have only been leaving to go to work, grocery store, and places that feel familiar, therefore, safe. I haven't driven outside of my town except once to see my mom since the first of February. I don't even like driving but I just take the familiar route and it's ok but I still obsessively look at every car. None of this makes sense considering before January I was always somewhere besides my house. It is my safe place now. I know the reasons why and it has gotten better in the sense of panic/anxiety but it makes me sad to think of how I used to be so... hm, I want to say carefree but that's not exactly it lol. Maybe, unaware?
Also, it's not so much seeing people, it's a small town, I see people I know everywhere. It's just the event of being outside my house.

Oh, I totally know what you mean with carefree/unaware, I feel that way, too.

I'm glad you have those safe places you can go to; it really sucks going from having a normal life to being more shut in and it takes a lot of strength to keep up with life like that. It sounds like you're making progress at your own pace, and I'm hoping that with time you'll feel more empowered to go outside your house.

 

[Final Escape]

Are you me??? I have quiet BPD as well and have isolated myself from everyone because I don't want to hurt anyone or get hurt myself. I bought a DBT book online and it helped me a LOT; maybe that's something you could try.

It's a lonely, painful, and misunderstood disorder. I'm sorry you're suffering from it, too. I hope one day there will be some scientific breakthrough and we'll be able to feel normal emotions and feel close to people.


Do you work from home as well? I'm glad medical marijuana is helping a little.

I bought a DBT workbook looked at, it's been collecting dust ever since lol! I think maybe I've just gotten all bitter and don't even care anymore because I'm so angry it's stolen my best years. That feeling like I needed this years ago not now when it doesn't matter anymore and the crucial years I needed this help I didn't know, just blindly walking through life like this humiliating myself. I'm so angry about it that I can't even think about therapy. I just want to blow up the mental health care system lol! Jus kiddin! Maybe I'm not kidding. It's pretty bad that this is a treatable condition but the way the mental healthcare is impacted by politics is why I was never diagnosed or treated early. Because if it was an honest system it would work for everyone, and shit like this would be high priority because it impacts other people as well that I have untreated mental illness and I'm unconsciously or unintentionally harming others as well as myself with this disorder.

This is the future. Everyone hooked up to the internet too scared to go outside. We're in it now. Makes sense why the suicide rate in Japan is so high. They've always been ahead of us technologically. Technology equals loneliness. It's replaced physical interaction. It's essentially destroyed humanity. The dystopian films of the past were a warning and we didn't listen. Someone's happy cashing in their check as the world goes to hell

We're screwed lol!

 

[ghostspace]

I bought a DBT workbook looked at, it's been collecting dust ever since lol! I think maybe I've just gotten all bitter and don't even care anymore because I'm so angry it's stolen my best years. That feeling like I needed this years ago not now when it doesn't matter anymore and the crucial years I needed this help I didn't know, just blindly walking through life like this humiliating myself. I'm so angry about it that I can't even think about therapy. I just want to blow up the mental health care system lol! Jus kiddin! Maybe I'm not kidding. It's pretty bad that this is a treatable condition but the way the mental healthcare is impacted by politics is why I was never diagnosed or treated early. Because if it was an honest system it would work for everyone, and shit like this would be high priority because it impacts other people as well that I have untreated mental illness and I'm unconsciously or unintentionally harming others as well as myself with this disorder.

It's unfair. It's straight up unfair. I also want to blow up the mental health system.

Did you know the person who created DBT was borderline and created it because before, it was considered untreatable? It might be worth dusting off, I bet a lot of the techniques in the book are things you already do since us quiet types are already very conscious of how we affect others.

Not trying to shill DBT haha, but as you bought it, it wouldn't hurt to peruse.

That being said, you absolutely have the right to be angry. It's torture to crave closeness but simultaneously be hurt/unintentionally hurt others when close. I've been crying the past few days trying to come to terms with the fact that I'll always have to keep everyone, friends and family and others, at somewhat of a distance. I have to not care about people a little bit in order to get close enough to treat them with care.[/QUOTE]

 

[Final Escape]

Apparently this was cureable even without DBT, but it just takes a long time like 6 to 16 years of therapy. I'm not sure where the lady got help that I learned this from but she said she got help but not through mainstream psychiatry and before DBT was invented. It took years of therapy for her to heal. Government hides a lot of the information and studies, truth about mental illnesses but the people who control this know there is a cure for BPD but it's not in their interest for most people to be mentally well and this is why they make it out to be something incurable. Borderline is basically complex ptsd so if they know how to treat complex ptsd and I guess they do because I've read the complex ptsd book by Pete Walker so people can recover but it's time consuming.

 

[Otter]

Retired 10 yrs ago and pretty much haven't left the house except for grocery shopping twice a month and the occasional doctor visit maybe four times a year. I haven't done laundry since 2016. I can't even get a comb through my hair it's so dreaded up! so embarrassing to say that all out loud

 

[gnomeboy17]

Yes, I have this too, part of the reason I feel my only option is ctb, is because I don't really see myself being able to live a normal life, like getting a job etc, as all of this is too much for me

 

[BlackPoppet]

Yes I have what I would call agoraphobic tendencies. I do go out sometimes, just not that much. Every time I do go out I have panic attacks in varying degrees, I hate crowded places, with lots of people. I used to love being in a crowd.
I have GAD and have to take propanalol or diazepam or CBD oil, before I leave the house. The also keep propanalol in my bag, so I have some when I am out and about. I hate public transport and the thought of being trapped on a bus terrifies me. I haven't left my house in 3 days. I have to go out today. I am not looking forward to it. I feel ill already just thinking about it.

 

[ghostspace]

Apparently this was cureable even without DBT, but it just takes a long time like 6 to 16 years of therapy. I'm not sure where the lady got help that I learned this from but she said she got help but not through mainstream psychiatry and before DBT was invented. It took years of therapy for her to heal. Government hides a lot of the information and studies, truth about mental illnesses but the people who control this know there is a cure for BPD but it's not in their interest for most people to be mentally well and this is why they make it out to be something incurable. Borderline is basically complex ptsd so if they know how to treat complex ptsd and I guess they do because I've read the complex ptsd book by Pete Walker so people can recover but it's time consuming.

I can't find many sources on this, but my PTSD occurred when I was 13, I've had BPD my whole life with no discernible cause.

My parents were a bit emotionally negligent, but my siblings don't have BPD. As far as I'm aware, nothing traumatic happened in my early childhood that would cause c-PTSD.

Am I understanding this right? It's just confusing to wrap my head around.

Retired 10 yrs ago and pretty much haven't left the house except for grocery shopping twice a month and the occasional doctor visit maybe four times a year. I haven't done laundry since 2016. I can't even get a comb through my hair it's so dreaded up! so embarrassing to say that all out loud

I know it feels shameful, just know you're not alone in that.

It's so hard to explain to people who've never had a mental illness, but it's a relentless drain on one's energy and motivation. I've been in bed for three years now and have only just begun to take care of myself this past year. Before, I'd wear the same clothes for weeks and didn't have enough stamina to shower or pick up after myself. It took ages to untangle all the matted up hair, I nearly shaved my head (nail clippers or scissors help with the tiny knots).

 

[WhiteDespair]

I'm more functional than many people here it seems. I have a job which requires interaction with people. I have no problem going out when I have an objective, like getting groceries.

Going to new places gives me some sort of anxiety. If I have an objective it's tolerable. If not, well, that's obnoxious. The worst I had was a concert last December. I went into an anxious rage, ditched early and basically spazzed out. When I got home and realized that happened and how much of a loser I was when I received a text from my buddy who was still at the concert asking where I was. I drafted a CtB note which was a DNR combined with the contacts of my main family members and my employers. I spent some time after dwelling on it. Annoying.

I think it comes down to a self esteem thing. Mine may not be resilient enough yet. I can't even answer simple questions like "How are you?" and "How was your weekend?" and etc. aside from statements which offer no possibility of further conversation. It's a reason why I can appear aloof and unfriendly.

A photo I have reads "To recover, do things. To do things, recover." Sums it up quite nicely.

 

[LivideLamb]

House-ridden since three years now. Lost all my teenage years, that according to older people around me are the best of their life time, to panic attacks and anxiety. I can't go out alone at all. I have to be honest, with myself surely, and say that I can leave the house if I'm with someone. Usually a parent, for exemple, when we go groceries shopping. It brings less anxiety than three years ago, so that's better I guess. I'm having in mind that I have, or at least try, to recover from my debilitating anxiety, and agoraphobia. Recovery sound like a miracle that is so far away huh. I tell myself that I will cbt, and that for the laugh, I eventually will have to leave the house to gather things...

 

[ghostspace]

House-ridden since three years now. Lost all my teenage years, that according to older people around me are the best of their life time, to panic attacks and anxiety. I can't go out alone at all. I have to be honest, with myself surely, and say that I can leave the house if I'm with someone. Usually a parent, for exemple, when we go groceries shopping. It brings less anxiety than three years ago, so that's better I guess. I'm having in mind that I have, or at least try, to recover from my debilitating anxiety, and agoraphobia. Recovery sound like a miracle that is so far away huh. I tell myself that I will cbt, and that for the laugh, I eventually will have to leave the house to gather things...

Same, don't worry, being a teenager wasn't that great and you didn't miss much. I wish we all lived in closer proximity, we could go to the store together. I can't go alone either, but it's so much easier with others.

 

[Final Escape]

I'am always surprised when someone says they have BPD without having been traumatized. I do think that people who develop this condition are much more sensitive than average to the environment. This entire system we live under is based on enforcing institutionalized violence on the citizens so the ways society is structured often creates a situation where kids are more likely to be traumatized. This society does not care about the environments children need to grow up without being traumatized often to severe degrees. If u have an ACE score over like 3 I think things start to get serious as far as how you will manage adulthood. I had a score of 8 or something and there was no resiliency protections like other safe adults or support network of any kind. I was literally left to manage all the stresses and problems of childhood and teen years by myself. Like I couldn't go to people for help or talk to trusted adults.

 

[Grumble]

I'm diagnosed with agoraphobia as well and I don't leave the house by myself. The rare occasions I do go out, I do so with my parents who act as a bit of a bubble for me.

I have several other issues going on besides agoraphobia, and while I am a very lonely person, I've also given up on all socializing, both offline and online. I just don't bother anymore as it's only ever led to stress and hurt and, over time, I became more and more resistant to it until I gave it up altogether.

I am consumed with suicidality, and I struggle getting into the most basic of distractions at home.

The only reason I'm still here is out of guilt for not wanting to put my parents through the grief of losing their son. This guilt allows me to autopilot through life's basic functions, but other than that, I am for all intents and purposes already dead.

 

[DeathNoot]

Yup, I have AVPD, so I hate going outside as I always feel like I'm being watched (not in a paranoid way). I walk the dog which is helpful, but otherwise I only leave a few times a month. And on those occasions I don't go alone, only with someone I know well. It helps distract me, I guess. Unfortunately the amount of people I'm comfortable with is dwindling. I don't remember the last time I went out alone, if you count my dog as a person.

 

[porfin1234]

I used to love being around people and not being at home. I was the life of the party.

Now I feel so much shame of who I am and what Ive become and that I'm not worthy of being around most humans so I've been isolating a great deal. I also feel like I'll have less chance of messing up more relationships so avoiding them.
I hardly go out anymore or talk to my friends.
I have one person left but I feel I'm no good for them either so at a loss.

 

[Xaphous]

Yeah I spent all my 20s isolated. Now I'm 30 and know nobody, and no social acquaintance, friends or relationships. I don't know how to form irl bonds now.